


Repose

by Allthephils



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Mentions of Sex, Mentions of non-con, Sleeping Beauty Elements, royal family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-14
Updated: 2018-12-31
Packaged: 2019-04-22 17:47:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 58,713
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14313921
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Allthephils/pseuds/Allthephils
Summary: Phil’s spent 5 years trying to forget about the time he spent with Prince Daniel. When a generations old curse leaves Dan vulnerable and in danger of being lost forever, Phil may be the only one who can help him.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a sleeping beauty au, sort of, so at it's core is non-consensual kissing and touching. These things are mentioned briefly, are in no way graphic, and I don't allow it to get very far.
> 
> In this au, DnP meet in 2013, when they are and 18/22, and the modern parts are in 2018

Phil’s head lulled against the window. He closed his eyes and enjoyed the feeling of being carried by the train. His mind wandered until he heard the jarring sound of his phone vibrating on the table in front of him. 

 

**Louise:** Are you seeing this? 

**Phil:** Seeing what?

**Louise:** Have you not been on twitter today? 

**Phil:** I was on the Isle, Mum enacted a strict no social media rule. Kinda nice really. I haven’t even thought of checking since I’ve been on the train. 

**Louise:** So you don’t know?

**Phil:** Louise, are you gonna fill me in or can go back to the adam rippon/Yuri on Ice daydream I was having? 

**Louise:** It’s about Dan   

**Louise:** Daniel.

**Phil:** Daniel who?

**Louise:** DANIEL HOWELL 

**Louise:** PRINCE DANIEL!!!

**Phil:** Oh. Him. 

**Louise:** I’m coming over, we need to talk in person. 

**Phil:** I don’t know how long I’ll be. I still have to get the tube home.

**Louise:** You coming in to Euston? I’ll pick you up, I’m already in the city. Catch up on what’s going on with Dan. We’ve got SO much to talk about.

**Phil:** I don’t really care what’s going on with Dan, Louise.

 

Phil tapped the home button on his phone and opened twitter for the first time all weekend. His feed was filled with thoughts and prayers _,_ tribute videos, links to news stories. His heart dropped to his stomach. _What the hell is going on?_

 

**Phil:** Ok Louise, pick me up. 

 

_ Prince Daniel Cursed!  _ He swiped to read more. Headline after sensational headline paged by.  _ What is the Royal Family Hiding? Prince falls into mysterious Coma. Thousands Line Up to Revive the Prince.  _ Phil struggled to make sense of it all. There were so few details. Frustrated, he closed twitter and opened Google. His hand shook as he begun typing,  _ Prince Daniel coma.  _

The train lurched to a stop and passengers begin scrambling for their luggage. Phil stood, throwing his backpack over his shoulder, and began to elbow his way to the door. Pushing his way to the front of the exiting crowd, he waited for the doors to open, looking down at his phone and hitting go _.  _ More headlines:  _ Physicians baffled by Prince’s sudden turn; Daniel still non-responsive after 5 days; Daniel not out of the woods yet, say Royal Doctors.  _ All of this  punctuated by the image search results at the top of the page. Phil tapped the first image just as the doors opened and he was carried by the tide of passengers on to the platform. The image loaded and Phil froze, oblivious to the crowd of people bumping and cursing as they herded past him. The photo was of Prince Daniel, Dan, laid out in military dress on a velvet draped bed, hands folded on his chest, his eyes closed, face still. Phil’s hand flew to cover his mouth, stifling the shocked gasp of breath he took. 

“Phil!” Louise’s voice rang out, startling Phil. The crowd had dispersed and she was hurrying across the station toward Phil, waving. In seconds, he was folded in her arms. He hadn’t realized he needed comforting till he felt those arms.

“I’ve missed you darling.” She softened her embrace but Phil pulled her in tight. “Phil, you’re shaking.” 

Tears welled up and spilled from Phil’s eyes before he even knew what was happening. “Louise, is he...is he dying?”

Louise pulled away and reached up to take Phil’s face in her hands. “What? No, oh no Phil, he’s not dying. At least I don’t think so. He’s just asleep. Oh my word, I didn’t even consider that it would scare you like this. I’m so so sorry.” Lowering her hands, she took Phil’s bag and wrapped an arm around his waist. Let’s get you home. I’ll tell you everything on the drive.” 

The drive took longer than the tube would have but Phil was grateful for the company. Louise tried to tell the story but it’s a short drive and they stopped for Wagamama on the way so her details were disjointed and confusing. Phil thumbed through images online and tried to let the words sink in. He was left with more questions than answers. 

As they made their way up the stairs, Phil asked, “So, people actually believe it’s a curse? Do you believe that?”

Louise followed Phil inside and set the food down on the coffee table. “I don’t know what I believe. It seems absurd, I know, but fairies and curses have been part of England’s story since the beginning. I guess none of us have been challenged on the issue till now. I believe in things I can’t see, Phil, and I know you do too.” Phil’s mind was spinning as he headed to his room. He dropped off his backpack and changed into joggers. He took out his contacts, putting on his glasses, and grabbed his laptop from his bag. When he returned to the lounge, Louise was on the sofa, her socked feet folded up under her, slurping noodles from the bowl in her lap. She had made them glasses of Ribena and and served Phil a bowl of a little of everything. He joined her on the sofa, picking up his dish and smiling thinly at his best friend. 

“So, if we are to believe the royal family, a pissed off fairy put Dan in a coma…” Phil said with a fair amount of disbelief in his voice.

“Not a coma, an eternal sleep.” Louise corrected, through a mouth full of gyoza.

Phil rolled his eyes. “An eternal sleep, excuse me, and only  _ true love’s kiss _ can wake him? Why was she so mad? And how did she get to Dan in the first place?”

Louise set her bowl down. “You know the story, Dan is the great great grandson of Queen Mary who stole the heart of King George from a Prussian Countess who apparently was a powerful fairy living among us.” Louise clapped her hands together, she loved this stuff. “She had given up her life as a fairy to be with the man she loved and was so heartbroken when he chose Mary that she cursed the family. They had 5 generations to disband the monarchy or else lose the heir to  _ endless slumber  _ before he takes the throne. He’d never die, he’d never wake. He’d just remain there, a reminder of what they took from her. She believed royal marriages to be a loveless farce and said he would only be saved by the kiss of his one true love.”

“Wow Louise, you sound like you’re reading Darcy a bedtime story.” 

“Sorry, I get caught up in the romance.”

“Ok, so…” Phil inhaled deeply. “You said they found him, unconscious, in his bed? But why now? And how can we be sure that Dan isn’t slowing dying from some horrible, painful condition that’s being ignored because of all this superstition?” His voice cracked but he hid it behind a mouthful of food.

Phil couldn’t fool Louise, she knew as well as anyone could. “He’s been examined, Phil,” she gathered herself, a calm maternal air about her now. “over and over by the best Doctors in Britain, and not just the royal Physicians. They even flew in American doctors for a different perspective. He’s fine. They find no signs of illness or damage, he’s the picture of health. His brain registers just like he’s sleeping, they think he’s even dreaming. It’s not like a coma, except they can’t wake him up.” 

Phil opened his laptop and pulled up the google images he’d been looking through earlier. 

“This is crazy, Louise, all these women, lined up in front of Windsor castle.”

“They kept it a secret for days but it got out, of course it did.” She reached over Phil to click on an image of a young woman, being patted down by a guard before entering the Prince’s chamber. “Yesterday, they started letting them in. They even put out a press release, inviting women to try and revive him. Apparently, they’ve already had all of his exes through.”  

“I doubt that very much.” Phil huffed.

“Well, all the exes they know about.” Louise said.

“You mean all the exes they are willing to acknowledge, all the exes who are women.” Phil clicked on an arrow to see the next image. It was the same young woman as in the last photo but this time, she had knelt down next to Dan, two fingers held up next to her face. It was Dan’s controversial, signature photo pose. Phil made a retching sound. “This makes me really uneasy, Louise.”

“Yeah. Me too. Supposedly, that girl bribed the guard so he wouldn’t take her phone.” 

The next photo was from a newspaper article. It was of a different woman, leaning over Dan, her lips pressed to his. Phil quickly closed his laptop. “I don’t think I can look at these anymore.”    

Louise shook her head, “I know. This part isn’t romantic, not at all. It’s weird. It’s a bit... ”  

Phil finished for her, “rapey?”

She looked him in the eye, “Yeah, it is. Someone needed to say it.” 

There was an awkward silence, a rare thing between these two, then Louise spoke. “Listen Phil, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to take this all so lightly. I got caught up in the excitement, stupid papers drew me in. I didn’t know Dan as well as you back then but I saw that he meant something to you.” She moved close and wrapped her arm around Phil, resting her head on his shoulder. “I’m starting to think he meant more than I realized.” 

Phil hadn’t seen or talked to Dan in years but he still had some kind of hold on him. His stomach twisted with fear, sadness, jealousy. But there was something else, something that ached far more and seemed to live in a deeper part of him. It was longing, and longing is what pushed the tears abruptly through **,** soon to be joined by soft, shaking sobs. Louise brought her hand to Phil’s head and held him to her. 

Her singsong voice did it’s best to soothe him, “Oh Phil, my poor Philly. Shhh, it’s ok, love. He’ll be ok.”  

 

Phil wiped his eyes and pulled himself upright. “Sorry, I don’t know why this is hitting me so hard. I think I’m just tired.”

Louise didn’t push the issue, she just busied herself cleaning up.

“Lou, you don’t have to do that.”

“Hush you.” She swatted Phil’s hand away from the mess. “You said yourself you’re tired. I’ve got this, go get ready for bed.”

“Yes, mum.” Phil had never been so grateful for Louise. He almost wished he would have confided in her more all those years ago. Louise literally tucked him into bed with a kiss on the forehead before leaving.

   


 

 

Phil rubbed his eyes and groaned against the intrusion of his ringtone. He groped for his glasses and phone, trying to focus on the screen. 9am. His head landed back on the pillow where it belonged at this hour and he held the phone up to read his text.

**Louise:** It’s worse than we thought. Call me when you wake up.

Whatever was going on, Phil wanted time alone to let it sink in. He open twitter and searched #princedaniel. His stomach lurched as he read the most recent tweet:  _ Someday my prince will cum. The rumors are trumors, ladies, Prince Daniel is royally endowed.  _ The screen was filled tweets boasting of touching Dan, climbing on top of him, commenting on his body. One woman said he had  _ amazing hands _ . Phil shuddered to think what that might mean. There were, of course, voices of reason peppered throughout, calling these women out as well as the sexist guards for looking the other way during these assaults and demanding protection for Dan. The hashtags, #handsoffDaniel and #protecttheprince had begun circulating. Phil clicked the latter and found a group organizing a march on Windsor Castle with the intention of stopping anyone from getting in to see the prince. Phil clicked back to Louise’s message and hit reply.

**Phil:** I see it. Are you going? Can I ride with you?

Phil felt his chest tighten, his free hand squeezing itself into a fist. He knew the flight instinct well but this, this was fight. This was anger bordering on rage. He really thought he might be sick. He closed his eyes to focus inward. The phone sang out. Quickly, he quieted the sound and opened his eyes to read.

**Louise:** Pack a lunch, I’ll be there in an hour.    


 

* * *

 

 

Phil had watched Dan grow up on television. No holiday in the Lester house was complete until the family gathered around the soft glow of the BBC to see what Santa brought little Daniel and adrian. As a small child, Phil loved sharing this with his mum and grandma but by the age of 9 or 10, the appeal of watching two rich little kids hang stockings and eat cakes with their nannies was lost on him. He didn’t pay much attention to the royal family after that. That is, until Prince Daniel left Eton College to start his gap year before applying to university. Phil had been at the shop picking up a few things when a trashy tabloid caught his eye. There, on the front cover, stood Prince Daniel Howell, 2nd in line for the throne, wearing his slightly creased Eton tailcoat and stiff white bow tie. His hands were in his pockets and his pinstriped trousers were rolled up a bit to reveal bright pink socks. His hair flopped down into his pretty brown eyes and he peered through the fringe, looking straight into the camera like he had no fucks to give. He looked like a cool, emo monopoly man and Phil couldn’t look away. He grabbed the first copy and blushed as he paid for it along with his cereal, milk, and Ribena **.**

 

That magazine lived in Phil’s bedside drawer and kept him company on more than a few occasions. Of course, the internet was also a treasure trove of images and news stories for Phil to devour while no one was looking. Instead of traveling abroad for his gap year, Dan only went as far as London. There was work to be done right here in England. He’d started a foundation to support after school music lessons for impoverished kids, he’d met with highschool kids to discuss bullying and mental health, he’d even picked up a hammer and helped rebuild a crumbling primary school. That was one of Phil’s favorite shots, Dan wielding a hammer, nails held in his teeth, his hair damp with sweat. There were scores of photos of hard working Daniel in action, or thoughtful Daniel playing piano, or relatable Daniel laughing with the kids. Then, a few months in, the stories changed. Daniel gives his bodyguards the slip and disappears for hours, Daniel seen slipping out the backdoor of a well known nightclub, Daniel seen making out with  _ someone  _ through the tinted windows of a car. 

It way better than anything on television and Phil was hooked. He managed to keep his royal crush to himself until one afternoon, sat with Louise on a sofa at Starbucks. She held up her phone to show a paparazzi shot of Dan, running for the door of the Ritz hotel, holding his jacket up to obscure his face. 

“If he wanted to hide who he was, he should have covered that cute little bum of his. I’d know that arse anywhere.” Louise went back to browsing but then her eyes snapped back to Phil. “Phil, are you blushing?”

“No.” He fought back his embarrassed grin but his cheeks betrayed him.

“You are blushing! Phil Lester, you cheeky monkey! **”** She gave Phil’s shoulder a shove. “I should have known. You’re no better than the rest of us fangirls. This is a big day, Philip. Our friendship just leveled up.”  


	2. Chapter 2

 

Phil was silent for most of the drive. Politics were not his thing. He liked to think he addressed the injustices of the world in his own way. His mum always said, “If you’re going to change the world, do it one friend at a time,.” Phil really took this to heart. He treated people with kindness, and he was generous with his time and his spirit. He figured if he could brighten someone’s day or make them happy, they’d go out and do the same for someone else. It seemed far more effective than marching with a sign. And yet, here he was, on his way to do just that. He didn't have a sign but he had a feeling Louise had gotten crafty this morning. If this weren’t Dan, he thought, would he be here? Certainly, he wouldn’t just sit by while  _ anyone _ was groped in their sleep. In his gut though, he knew that if it were anyone but Dan, he’d be home right now, making a video to distract and cheer up his viewers, with the proceeds going to help the cause. But it  _ was _ Dan and Phil needed to be there. He needed to witness this with his own eyes. He needed to put his body between Dan and anyone who would touch him without his consent.  

There would be crowds, there would be cameras, and there would very likely be at least a fan or two. He and Louise attracted a demographic that was prime age to be all about Prince Daniel, the rebel prince and future king of England. Not to mention that this would be seen as Phil making a statement, taking a stance. He hated that, it was so far outside his nature. He stared out the window at the passing scenery and prepared himself for what was ahead. It was a process that could have been streamlined if his mind weren’t constantly wandering to memories of Dan. Phil cursed his fluttering heart even as he silently wished for just a glimpse of that dimpled face.

“Louise?” 

“Yes?” Louise was thrilled to hear Phil speak. She didn’t want to invade his emotional space but she was desperate to know what he was thinking. 

“What if it  _ is _ a curse? What happens if one of these women kisses him and…” Phil trailed off.

Louise put her hand on Phil's knee and spoke quietly, “and he wakes up?”

Phil nodded, eyes still looking far into the distance through his window. 

“Do you think that’s a possibility, Phil?”

Phil removed his glasses and ran a hand over his eyes. “I guess. Maybe.” He paused for a moment. “Does the love have to be mutual?” He regretted it the moment he heard himself say it.  _ Don’t be so dramatic Phil, It’s been 5 years. _

Louise just gave his leg a soft squeeze. “I think so.”

“Phil, Is there something you’d like to tell me?” 

There was no way Phil was going to get this story out without crying, not when he was talking to Louise. 

“Dan and I...We got really close. I think I may have loved him.” 

Louise looked over at Phil, compassion in her expression. “And now?”

“I don’t know what I feel now, except that this is all really overwhelming. I hadn’t thought about him on purpose in years before this happened.” His eyes stung and he closed them against the onslaught of emotion. 

“Now, I’m just flooded, Lou. Every memory is just playing on a loop. The day we met, the nights he hid out at my flat, the moment he ended it.” 

“The nights he what?!” Louise sounded shocked but she kept listening.

“I know, I know. I owe you an explanation and you are invited over for pizza to hear all the sordid details, I promise. I just don’t think I can tell that story right now without falling apart.” With that, he blinked out the tears that had welled up in his eyes “I’m scared, Louise. What if he wakes up? What if he doesn’t” 

“Philip Michael Lester, you listen to me.” She was wagging her finger at him like his mum would when she was very serious. “That man is going to wake up. One way or the other. He’s the goddamn future king of bloody England and he is not going down like this. Do you hear me?”

Phil couldn’t help a small smile. “Yeah, ok Lou.“

 

Louise pulled into the car park and into one of the few empty spaces left. They had a small walk ahead of them and Phil was actually grateful to have a little more time to think this all to death before arriving. Louise grabbed two pink signs from the back seat. As she rolled them into a tube, glitter sprinkled onto Phil’s jeans. They made quite a duo, her with her pink dipped hair set in glamorous curls, Phil with his emo fringe and skinny jeans covered in glitter. They didn’t look like a threat but they may have been the two most invested people there and no one was going to lay another hand on Daniel Howell, not on their watch. Louise was recognized first, then Phil shortly after. They both politely declined selfies, explaining they were here for Daniel and it wouldn’t be appropriate. They had to repeat themselves to several other people as they made their way up the long walk that leads to the castle.

 

There were groups of protesters scattered about the lawn, along with press, and lots of gawkers. Near the castle, a large group of supporters were gathered in a cordoned off, sheltered area, complete with seating and a table of food and beverages. They had t-shirts and signs with slogans supporting the queen and the royal family, who had been sequestered in their private apartments and largely silent through the whole ordeal. Daniel’s parents were rumored to have spent the entirety of the week in St George’s, praying and doing penance. The demonstrations grew louder and more dense the closer they got to the castle. Some were demanding Daniel be taken to hospital, some were on their knees praying, others shouted and rebuked Satan. 

A long line of well dressed women stretched back from the gate, all the way down the walk. Opposite the line, a small group gathered with signs demanding that Dan be kept safe. Curse or no curse, it wasn’t right. Phil and Louise joined the group and an organizer came over to debrief them and a few others. The plan was to form a human chain and block the gate but they would need more people, enough to resist any efforts by the guards to hold them back. The small crowd formed a line and readied their signs, preparing to march along the perimeter of the castle until they amassed enough people to put their plan into action. 

 

Louise opened Twitter and put out a call to come join the cause. She took a look at her mentions and there were dozens, telling the world that she and Phil were at Windsor castle, marching for the Prince, refusing selfies because it’s not about views. 

“Look at this Phil. Our viewers get it. We are about to get bombarded with fans but still, this is great.” She held the phone in front of Phil but his eyes were fixed on the line of women waiting to kiss Dan. “Phil?” She waved a hand in front of his face but he was a million miles away.

“Phil?” She shook his shoulder a bit. 

“I’ve got to see him, Louise.” He didn’t move or avert his gaze.

“What? You can’t. They’d never let you in.” 

He didn’t say another word but he walked, determined, toward the line. 

“Phil, wait!” Louise handed her signs to a nearby protester and scurried after him.   


 

* * *

 

The first time Phil saw Dan in real life was at the french bakery near his apartment. He’d just sat down with his latte and the most ridiculous cake. It was fashioned to look like a panda and had so much glaze, it shined like a disco ball. He always sat in the small upstairs dining room to avoid being recognized. It was often empty up there but that day, one table was occupied. He tried to be discreet as he looked to see who it was. The first thing he noticed was the cake, just like his cake except it wasn’t a panda, it was pink. A pig maybe? Next was the hand wrapped around the coffee cup, just resting there as if to keep warm. The cup looked tiny, like those little cups they drink from in Turkey, but it was just a coffee cup wrapped in a really big hand. Phil shook the dirty thoughts out of his mind and glanced up to to the stranger’s face. He couldn’t quite see it, obscured as it was by a cap and a hood and a downward gaze. He really wanted to see that face.  

 

He dug into his cake and so did the stranger, He sipped his latte and so did the stranger. For a moment, he thought he saw him look his way but he couldn’t be sure. Phil had butterflies in his stomach he couldn’t explain. He felt warm, a tingling beginning to surface on the back of his neck. Just then, two men in black suits appeared a the top of the stairs. They walked over to Phil’s stranger and spoke a few quiet words. The stranger stood and Phil nearly choked on the bite he had just taken. He tried to look away but this guy was so pretty. He was tall, almost as tall as Phil, and thin, dressed all in black. Phil loved color, but damn, that was mysterious, and Phil loved a mystery. He wore skinny jeans, a black t-shirt, and a hoodie over a cap, pulled low over his eyes. Phil sipped his coffee and kept his eyes fixed on the puzzling scene unfolding across the room. The men in suits looked pretty serious. They placed their hands on the stranger’s shoulders and led him toward the exit. Phil couldn’t imagine what could make this guy important enough to warrant this kind of escort. As his stranger walked by, Phil’s eyes followed, desperate for a little more insight.  _ Oh. My. God.   _ Their eyes met and there was no mistaking who this was. His brain began screaming, “It’s the prince, Daniel fucking Howell! Oh my lord, it’s prince Daniel Howell!” Then it happened, the prince winked. The future king of England winked at Phil, with a smirk no less. 

Phil was seated but his knees still went weak. He suppressed the wild grin that threatened to spread across his face. Phil took the last bite of his panda and chugged the half a latte that was still in his cup. Rushing out of the bakery, he got a glimpse of the prince ducking into a black car with tinted windows. As he sprinted home, he texted Louise. 

**Phil** : Omg, Lou. I saw him. In the flesh. The tall, beautiful, goddamned flesh.

**Louise:** What? Who?

**Phil:** Him!

**Louise:** Oh. My. God.   

**Phil:** I know. I’ll call you later.

 

Phil went straight to his room. He pulled the tabloid from his drawer, that first image that had drawn him in. He stared down at Dan’s cool guy, fuck you expression and unbuttoned his jeans. Reaching in, he closed his eyes. What he saw today was so much better than anything in print. He conjured up an image of long legs, big hands, brown eyes. Just the memory of that wink was enough to get him going. Dan’s smirk, the corner of his mouth turning up, pushing in just one dimple, well that was enough to get him through to the other side. He whispered the name, Daniel, as he finished. Phil fell back onto his pillow and laughed at himself for the whispering, but also for the urgency and for how good it all felt. 


	3. Chapter 3

“Phil! Will you wait please!” He heard her but he didn’t slow down. She was just going to have to catch up. He didn’t have any time to waste, the gate could be blocked by protesters soon and the queue was so long. Phil walked straight to the queue and began following alongside it, hoping the end would be in sight soon. Knowing that Dan was just metres away had pushed him over an edge. The longing he had felt the night before invaded and filled his body with a singular purpose. He simply had no other choice.

Louise fell in next to Phil and, shooting him a frustrated look, hooked an arm through his.

“Phil, They aren’t going to let you in. They’ve been very clear; single women, under 35, never married, no children, preferably Anglican.”

Phil stopped in his tracks and looked at Louise. “This isn’t the Bachelor, Lou. This is his life. They’re putting him at risk on so many levels.” He set back to walking, picking up the pace. “This is utterly ridiculous, Louise. Dan is atheist and bi-sexual.”

Louise was winded from keeping up with Phil. “Maybe Dan is, but _Daniel_ is the prince, 2nd in line for the throne, an Eton college alumni. He’s Church of England whether he likes it or not. And the bi-sexual part might be best left unmentioned for now.”

Phil scoffed, rolling his eyes. He’d had just about enough of this.  

“Oh my god, Phil!” Phil heard the excited voices behind him and tried to will them away. _No, not now._ He turned to see three young women, standing in the queue, one of them had already lifted her phone to start filming. Another opened her arms for a hug and Phil obliged.

“Hi guys.” He attempted a slightly more subdued version of his sunny on screen persona. Louise was handing out hugs to the group just behind them.

The third one spoke for the group. “We heard you were here! Oh my god. I love your channel. Me and Sarah met because of you and now she’s my best friend!” She gestured to the one holding up her phone. Phil was eager to get a move on.

“That’s amazing you guys! Thanks so much, I need to get a place in the queue before it gets any longer but have a really good day.” He started to turn away when the one who had been quiet spoke up

“Wait, are you going in? Just cut with us. We’ll say we were saving your place.”

Phil looked to Louise, who shrugged. Her fans certainly weren’t going to object.

“Oh my god, that would be great. Thanks so much.” Phil slipped into line in front of his miniature entourage. “I’m really sorry guys, but would you mind not filming? I just want this to be about Dan, eh Daniel.” He flashed his sweetest smile and the swoon was visible like a wave through the three girls. Sarah put her phone in her pocket.

“We weren’t going to kiss him or anything. We just wanted to see him. Couldn’t pass up the chance I guess. I’m Rebecca, by the way. I think it’s so cool that you came down here.”

Phil barely heard her but he managed a thin smile. He craned his neck to try and count how many were ahead of him. There weren’t many. Sarah hadn’t taken her eyes off him since she put her phone away.

“So Phil, weren’t you and Louise here to protest?” She lowered her voice, “Are you guys planning something?”

Phil looked worried, melancholy, behind his staged friendly smile. “I just want to see him,” he said, “just like you guys.”

Sarah nodded and threw her friends a look. There was a sly glint in her eye. “Ok, but like, are you gonna try to wake him up? Do you fancy the prince, Phil?

The quiet one spoke up. “But Phil’s not gay.”

“Are you joking? Do you even watch his videos? He’s definitely bi.” Rebecca said.

“Oh. Well he never actually said that, did he?” The quiet one got quieter.

“So he’s straight unless he specifically states he isn’t?” Sarah mocked, “Your hetero-normativity is showing, Rauna.”

“I’m sorry, i just didn’t want to assume.”

Sarah showed no mercy. “Except you did assume, didn’t you? It’s 20gayteen, catch up.”

“I’m right here, you guys” Phil really didn’t want to listen to this right now.

“Sorry Phil.” Rebecca glared at Rauna. “I think it’s very romantic. The cute awkward introvert on YouTube and the mysterious cursed prince.”

“It’s not... I’m not having this discussion right now. Please just be nice to each other.” He turned to face the castle. Louise made her way up to Phil, hugging Rauna and Rebecca on the way. She took Phil’s hand and squeezed, laying her head on his arm.

“I’m here, love. We’re in it together, ok? If this is what you need to do, then this is what we’ll do.”

 

Each woman through the gate was debriefed on the rules. Touching was limited to face, arms, and neck. Phones were confiscated and visits were limited to 3 minutes. Everyone was scanned and patted down. The guards had been replaced and these new ones were not messing around. These guards had served as the prince’s personal bodyguards. They could not be bought and they were personally invested in his well being. Phil stayed to the inside of the queue so people walking by didn’t notice a man was there. Louise did her best to hide him, though he towered over her. In about half an hour, Phil and Louise made it to the gate. The guard looked at Louise, put out his hand and said, “Phone please.”

“Oh no, I’m not going in. Just here for moral support.” Louise said sweetly, glancing over to Phil.

“Hi Phil.” The guard looked Phil in the eye. “You know I can’t let you in.”

“Hi Dennis. I just want to see him. I would never kiss him when he’s unconscious.”

“Sorry Phil, women only.” He looked right past Phil and reached his hand out to Rauna. “Phone please.”

Phil stepped to the left, blocking Dennis’ reach. “You know, Dennis, I have 7 million Twitter followers that would love to hear about the homophobia and sanctioned assault going on here.” Behind Phil, at least 6 arms flew into the air, phones in hand, to film the exchange between him and the guard. “These protests look pretty manageable. Do you think you can keep this kind of order if thousands of teenage girls descend on the lawn?”

Rauna spoke louder than she had all day, “#Phaniel is already trending number 3 on Tumblr.”

“Come on, Dennis, I promise I’ll make nice.” Phil was speaking directly to Dennis now. “I just want to see him.”

Dennis scrubbed a hand over his face and sighed. He put out his hand as he relayed a message through the mic attached to his collar. Phil handed over his phone and Louise gave his hand one last squeeze. Phil proceeded to the gate where a guard passed a wand over his body and another patted him down. A door to his right opened and he stepped inside.

The prince had been moved from his bedroom to a room in the guest apartments. It was a space where surgeries on kings and queens had been performed in years past. It was easily accessible from the gate so that guests and physicians didn’t need to go traipsing through the castle. The room was mostly empty, save for the guard by the door and a small cluster of medical equipment in a corner. And of course, there was Daniel, laid out on a bed covered in velvet bedding that draped to the floor. His arms were folded over his heart and there were wires coming off his chest and head, leading to monitors in the corner of the room. He wore a military dress uniform which looked decidedly out of place on him, with his messy curls and general youthful appearance. A single chair stood by the head of the bed.

Phil took it all in, all of it except Dan. He couldn’t quite look at Dan yet. His hands shook, he was sweating, every cell in his body screamed Dan. Finally, he moved his gaze from the floor to the bed and his body rebelled. His chest heaved and tears flowed. He dropped into a squat, his face in his hands. Dan looked just like his grandma had when they had viewed her body at her funeral. He just kept telling himself, _he’s not dead, he’s asleep, he’s ok._ Phil took a deep, steady breath and stood. He walked to Dan’s bedside.

“Hey you. It’s me, Phil. You look good.” Phil laughed. It was pretty absurd but Dan did look good. That beautiful skin was glowing like it always had and his curls were just lovely. “Dan, I’m so sorry this has happened. I don’t know what I believe but I do know I’m not going to let one more person touch you.” Phil was looking down into Dan’s angelic face. He could see his eyes moving around behind his eyelids. “When you wake up, we’re getting a drink. I need you to fill me in on your life. I’ve kinda avoided any Dan news since...well, you know. But I’d love to hear about your adventures. You’re the bravest person I’ve ever known.” Phil touched just two fingers to Dan’s temple. “I miss you, Dan.” Phil saw a tear drop from his eyes to Dan’s cheek and he wiped it away. He lowered himself into the chair. He sat there, looking into Dan’s beautiful face, willing his eyes to open, until he heard the guard speak, “Times up. This way please.”

“Bye Dan.” Phil stood and walked to the door where the guard let him out. Louise was waiting right there with a hug and try as he might to fight it, he collapsed into his best friend and cried.

5 by 5, the protesters marched past Phil and Louise and pushed their way in front of the gate. Louise held Phil tight and spoke into his ear, “Shall we join them?”

Phil rested his forehead on her shoulder and said, “No. Please, take me home.”

 

* * *

 

 

Phil was never one to go out much. There were occasional meetings and YouTube functions and friends dragged him out occasionally but he could usually convince them to come to his. He had put romance on the back burner for a while except for the odd hook up at a convention. The nature of his work meant most of his life was spent in his London apartment and he was grateful for that, he worked hard to keep it that way. He did walk to the bakery or the Starbucks once a week or so for sticky sweet coffee or cake. Phil’s introversion could only be outshined by his sweet tooth.

This would explain the reaction from the bakery owner when Phil showed up four days in a row. They knew each other by name, Phil lived right above the bakery and had for a year. He sometimes gave Phil new flavors of macaron to taste test before choosing which ones to put in the case. On the fifth day, Phil walked through the door again, “Hey Leo.”

“Phil? Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy to see you but...are you doing ok? You’ve been here everyday this week.” Leo went to work making Phil’s usual.

“Yeah, I’m great. Just can’t get enough of your baking. Let’s just do a croissant today, I should probably slow down on the sugar. ” Leo raised one suspicious eyebrow as he handed Phil his latte and croissant and Phil climbed the stairs as fast as he could without spilling.

The dining room was empty, of course it was. Phil shouldn’t have expected anything different but he held out hope that maybe prince Daniel would return here. Maybe it felt secluded enough up in this little room and maybe Leo had been discrete and maybe Daniel really like cakes shaped like farm animals. He’d replayed that wink in his mind so many times since it happened. It was just a passing nod, a _hey, I know you see me but shhh,_ but it still felt like flirtation and Phil couldn’t let it go. Why did Daniel have to be so damn cute? He’d never been so hung up on a celebrity crush but then this wasn’t just any celebrity, this was the prince. This was the prince that goes awol so often, the tabloids barely report on it anymore, the rebel prince with the emo hair and the pink socks. And he’d been right there, right in Phil’s neighborhood, in Phil’s bakery. 

Phil sighed and shook off his unrealistic expectations. He settled in to eating and sipping his latte, browsing Tumblr. It was actually pretty relaxing. He’d been fairly busy filming and editing lately and the break was nice. Deciding a real day off was definitely in order, he texted Louise to arrange a lunch date. Ducking into the bathroom at the back of the room, Phil washed the buttery crumbs from his hands and checked himself in the mirror, closing up his fringe gaps. As he exited the bathroom, he noticed someone was sat at his table.

He kept his head down, hoping to avoid real human contact. “Sorry for my mess. Let me clear these dishes.” There were 5 other clean tables but Phil didn’t question it, he always minds his manners.

“I was hoping you were a regular here.” The voice was posh, like Christopher Robin, and Phil felt a stutter in his chest. He slowly looked up and oops, there's those weak knees again. He sat down to avoid stumbling into the prince.

“Hi.” It was all Phil could get out.

The grin that spread across Daniel’s face was almost too much. Phil wondered if he knew how he lit up, those dimples punctuating his wide smile and white teeth.

“Hi.” Daniel put a hand out, “I’m Dan.”

Phil swallowed and just looked at that hand, it had been the first part of Dan he noticed when he’d seen him last week. He’d had some seriously impure thoughts about that hand since then. Snapping back to reality, he threw his hand out to join with Dan’s and when that big hand wrapped around his, he felt a spark of electricity run up his arm, straight to his heart. Phil stared, watching their hands move together like it was happening to someone else.

Dan chuckled, “Do I get to know your name?” He stilled his arm but kept ahold of Phil’s hand.

“Oh, yeah, I’m Phil. Hi. Sorry, it’s just, you’re…”

“It’s alright, I get that reaction sometimes. It’s good to meet you, Phil.”

Phil tried to play it cool, to pretend like his heart wasn’t beating out of his chest. “It’s good to meet you too, Daniel.”

Dan crinkled his nose. “Dan please, my friends call me Dan, and I’m hoping we can be friends.”

“Ok.” Phil figured he’d wake up from this dream at any minute so he might as well go with it. “It’s good to meet you Dan.”

Dan opened his mouth to speak but stopped suddenly to look over his shoulder. The sound of footsteps traveled up the stair well. “Dammit.” He looked at Phil then back over to the stairs.

“Look, Phil, I had do some fancy maneuvering to make this meet-cute possible so I’m gonna have to run before it all catches up with me.”

Phil had no idea what that meant but Dan was already standing and turning toward the stairs. The two men in suits from the last time appeared at the top of the stairs, looking very annoyed.

Dan plastered on a fake smile, “Hey guys. Where’d you go? I thought you were right behind me.” He walked right past his bodyguards and down the stairs. The two men looked at Phil but he looked down into his empty coffee cup, hoping they’d just move on. They did. That’s when he noticed the napkin tucked under his cup. He pulled it out to see a phone number scrawled across it. Under the number was a sideways smiley face with the letter D for a mouth.  


	4. Chapter 4

It rained the whole way home. Phil watched the water dribble down over the window. He was glad the sun had disappeared behind grey clouds. It’s exhausting being sad in good weather. Louise was kind enough to let him alone on the drive, except for the occasional pat to the knee when she noticed him wiping a tear. Phil felt so much grief, like he was walking away from Dan forever. He’d already been through this process and those old wounds stung in a new, deeper way. When you’re in love with a member of the royal family, you don’t have to try to stay abreast of that person’s well being. Phil had actively avoided any news about Dan but he still had constant reassurance that he was was alive and well. Now, there was no guarantee that Dan would be either of those things. If all this curse nonsense was true, one of those eligible women could well be his destiny. The royal decree had been clear, whoever delivered the kiss that woke Daniel from his sleep, had the right to marriage and all that entails. The other possibility was that none of those women were Daniel’s true love and he would stay locked in sleep forever. There was a third option as well, that there was no curse and Daniel was just in some sort of unusual variety of coma. He could be lost before they even knew what was happening, and not to sleep, but truly lost. Phil couldn’t fathom the last one, but he honestly didn't know which of the first two was worse. 

 

Louise had to get home to Darcy. She gave Phil a tight hug at the curb with promises to check in and reminders that he could call her anytime, day or night. He tried to tell her how grateful he was for her but the rain came down and they were cut short. Phil brushed his teeth and took a shower. He really just stood under the water, trying to feel something other than grief and sadness and frustration. Phil just wanted to climb into bed but it was only 3 in the afternoon and he didn’t want to risk causing himself a sleepless night in the state he was in. He pulled on his Star Wars pajamas and went to grab t-shirt from his drawer. He dug to the bottom to find a really old, soft one. When he saw the green pattern, he wondered which shirt it was for a moment until he realized it was Dan’s Versace. It had been left behind in the laundry but Phil always thought Dan left it on purpose. He knew Phil hated that shirt. It was hideous and spending over 100 pounds on a t-shirt was just wrong. Now though, as he slipped it on, it felt precious to him.  

 

Phil padded in socked feet down to the kitchen and made a cup of coffee. He carried the mug to the sofa and turned on the television. He couldn’t be bothered to put in a DVD so he scrolled through amazon video and played Jurassic World. Watching Chris Pratt flex and fight dinosaurs sounded like an ideal distraction. Just as he pulled a blanket over his legs, his phone rang, like actually rang. He almost ignored it, completely unwilling to take on human interaction right now, but he didn’t get many calls, it could be urgent. It was Phil’s brother, Martyn.

“Hey Martyn.”

“Hey buddy.” His voice was overly kind.

“What’s up Martyn, I’m kinda busy.”

“Yeah I see you’ve had a busy day. You’re quite the hero on Twitter and Tumblr. Mum’s not loving it but I think she is secretly a little proud.”

“Excuse me?” Phil wanted to throw the phone across the room. Couldn’t he get one day off from all of that? “What are you on about?”

“Phil, I saw the video of you at the castle gate. It’s pretty impressive, I have to say. I don’t want to say I’m surprised but I’m surprised. You stood up for what’s right. The hashtag was bound to happen, it’ll blow over.” Martyn talked to someone on his end for a moment. “Cornelia says to tell you she ships it.”

All at once, Phil remembered, #Phaniel. He hadn’t told his family about Dan, he couldn’t. They knew he had had a boyfriend and that it ended badly. Martyn had come to see him in those dark post break up weeks. As far as Martyn was concerned, Phaniel was no different than Phimmy or Philirific. There was a knock at the door, a merciful interruption. It was the first time in his life, Phil had been happy someone was at the door, except all the times Dan had knocked of course. 

“Thanks Martyn and tell Corn I love her. I’ve gotta run, someone’s knocking on my door.”

Martyn tried to argue but Phil hung up, pretending not to hear. He got up and hoped whoever was at the door was ready for the stunning outfit he was sporting. It was a courier of sorts, or was it a process server? “Philip Lester?” He asked, looking down at his clipboard.

“Yes?” Phil felt a twinge of nerves, what was all this about? He really hoped he hadn’t been sent a stripper as he was really not in the mood. They handed over a rather impressive looking envelope with Phil’s name and address written in beautiful calligraphy. The clipboard was shoved into his hands, “Sign for receipt please.” Phil was baffled but he signed, hesitating a moment because he almost wrote amazingPhil. The courier nodded a thanks and turned to leave.

 

Phil closed the door behind him and sat on the sofa. He turned the envelope over in his hands. There was an honest to god wax seal on the back. He peeled it away, opened the flap, and pulled out the letter. The paper felt wonderful in his hands, it was weighty, and soft to the touch. He held it up to the light and saw the fibers of cotton dispersed throughout. The black ink was deep and rich and Phil marveled that the letter was hand written. He expected some kind of royal decree, an order to cease and desist, or maybe even a restraining order, but that’s not what he read.

 

Mr. Lester, 

It has come to our attention that your presence at Prince Daniel’s bedside may have had an effect on his well being. The queen requests your return to discuss your visit with the royal physician. Your continued involvement may or may not be desired by her majesty and any further invitation will be extended at a date and time yet to be determined. A car will be sent for you tomorrow morning at 8.  

 

With regards,   

Virginia Richards  

Senior Secretary 

to her Majesty the Queen

 

Phil snapped a photo and sent it to Louise, who responded simply, with  _ WTF?  _ After Jurassic World, Phil watched an episode of Black Mirror and ordered Thai food. He went to bed early since he’d be getting up in the morning like a normal adult human, for the second day in a row. 

Sleep came easy and he dreamed of dragons and enchanted swords, of thorny vines that wound their way up and over Windsor Castle. He saw pink roses, the color of Dan’s lips, bloom between the thorns. Phil, in his dream, approached the gate, his sword dragging behind him, and the thorny tangle unwound and opened to him. He walked through and climbed a winding staircase, dropping his weapon somewhere along the way. Dan lay in repose in a tower surrounded by an artificial night, the moon shone down on his face, and stars drew constellations around him. Phil leaned over to kiss him and Dan’s lips felt cold against his. As Phil stood, Dan’s arm dropped off the bed, limp at his side. Phil woke with a start and checked the time, 6am. He didn’t feel rested, he felt like he’d run a marathon. Nevertheless, he got out of bed and into the shower. He made coffee and forced some cereal down. He took his time dressing but wore his usual plaid shirt and jeans. Phil had no idea what was ahead but he wasn’t feeling particularly eager to please. Seeing Dan again was his only incentive to cooperate and he held on to a sliver of hope that maybe Dan was doing better, maybe he could help him.

* * *

 

Louise practically bounced in her seat, Phil’s phone in her hand. Opposite her, Phil was stress eating, inhaling pizza. He was already on his 3rd slice. 

“You have him programmed into your phone as Dan?”  

“He told me to call him Dan! What was I supposed to put,  _ Prince Daniel, Duke of Cambridge, future king of England, the one with the nice arse?”  _

“That’s more accurate, so yes.” Louise thought out loud, “He’s clearly into you. You need to seem interested but not overly excited. He probably gets all kinds of crazy attention.”

“What do you mean, clearly? We said 2 sentences to each other and I was a bumbling mess. Anyway, he said he hoped we’d be friends.” He started on slice 4.

Louise looked Phil dead in the eye. “Are you serious? So you think a prince who has been skirting gay rumors since he was 16 gave his bodyguards the slip and stalked a super cute guy with a matching haircut because he wanted to be friends? You think he hands his phone number out to strangers on the regular?” 

Phil blushed, “Guess not.” Louise hit send and handed the phone back. 

“Oh my god, you sent it!?"  

 

**Phil:** Hi Dan, It’s Phil, from the bakery. Sorry you had to run. Can we pick up where we left off?  

 

The phone vibrated and Phil jumped, slamming it face down on the table with a small yelp. Louise rolled her eyes and picked it up, reading aloud.  

 

**Dan:** Phil! You texted me! I wasn’t sure you would. Does this mean I get to see you again? 

Phil put his head down on the table to hide his burning cheeks. He was terrified and giddy and insanely flattered. Louise leaned over and shook Phil by the shoulders. 

“Oh. My. God. Philip!”   

 

Phil played it as cool as he could, saying he’d love to hang out but he did have a lot to do this week. This was an absolute lie considering Phil had literally no schedule and no one to answer to but himself. Dan told Phil that he’d be spending the next 2 days in Hackney, helping primary school kids plant a vegetable garden, but that Saturday would be a perfect night to meet up.     

Saturday night at 8:30, there was a knock at the door. Phil looked in the mirror, repaired his splinges, and unbuttoned his top button. He opened the door and waved stiffly at Dan who waved back in a sweet attempt at breaking the tension. He followed Dan out the front door to a waiting car. A strong looking guy in a suit held the door open for them and they climbed in. Phil recognized him from the bakery and Dan introduced him as Dennis. Dennis did not say hello, but leaned in and handed Phil an Ipad. “Standard non-disclosure agreement, sign with your finger please. And I’ll need to see your ID.”

“Nice to meet you too, Dennis.” Phil snarked. He pulled his ID out and showed it to Dennis, then signed the screen. Dennis shut the door and walked around to the front passenger seat.

“Sorry about him, he really is a nice guy.” Dan said.  

Sometimes, YouTube sent cars to take Phil to events. He tried to pretend this was no different, that there wasn’t a bodyguard in the front seat and a prince sitting next to him. 

“So, where are we going?” In an effort to avoid staring longingly at Dan’s beautiful face, Phil watched the scenery go by through the tinted window. It was going to take some time to see him as flesh and blood and not the heartthrob Phil had been stanning for months.

“Knightsbridge.” Dan said, “A few of my friends are having a party in this amazing apartment. You’ll love it. There should be food there if you’re hungry.” 

Phil liked a very particular kind of party, the kind with a few close friends playing board games and eating pizza. What Dan was describing sounded like Phil’s own private hell. There’d be weird food he’d never tried, expensive furniture for him to spill drinks on, and loads of new people to judge him for looking awkward and uncomfortable the whole time. Normally, these types of parties wouldn’t be a problem because Phil would never be invited to one but now he had unwittingly agreed to attend. He was just going to have to be brave, there was no way he was giving up this chance to spend time with Dan.

They pulled up in front of a smart looking building. Dennis got out, exchanged some sort of secret lad handshake hug with the doorman, then leaned against the hood of the car and lit a cigarette. Phil followed Dan into the building and to a private elevator. Dan punched a code into a keypad on the wall and they went up. And up. And up. Phil leaned on the railing and closed his eyes as his stomach traveled into his throat. He took a few deep breaths to recover from the elevator induced motion sickness and straightened himself up. The doors opened onto an opulent lounge the size of Phil’s entire apartment. The longest sofa he had ever seen stretched along the length of two walls, dotted with couples and clusters of people. The sofa was white and Phil vowed to stayed far away from it. A huge wall of windows revealed a balcony with a firepit in the center. Across the lounge, there was a banquet table covered in food. Phil took a step closer to Dan, who leaned in to his ear. “Don’t worry, I hate parties too. This is just one of the few places I can be without hiding. Let’s go loiter by the food.” 

Phil exhaled and the two of them hurried through the scattered crowd. They grazed on tiny cakes and Dan served up some strong smelling punch. They drank and chatted about nothing and soon the party disappeared. It was just Dan and Phil, not a prince and a YouTuber, just a couple of dorks debating which is the best Mario Kart. Phil refilled their glasses and eyed a small card set on a plate of hors d'oeuvres. 

“Dan, what exactly is an artisanal pickle? And why does it need to be said that it’s gluten free?” Dan laughed, covering his mouth to keep from dribbling. ”Don’t ask me mate, I’m a royal not a hipster.” He handed Phil his glass, moving in close enough that Phil could smell the cherry vodka on his breath. “I need to powder my nose. Be right back.” 

Phil watched Dan walk away with perhaps just a bit too much attention, but soon snapped back to realize he was stood alone, at a party, full of posh people he doesn't know. He backed himself into the kitchen and leaned on a counter, staring into his punch. There was a couple making out against another counter but the kitchen was so big, it didn’t seem an issue. Phil began absentmindedly playing with a set of crystal salt and pepper shakers next to him, naming them Dan and Phil, and walking them down an imaginary aisle. Just as he said the second  _ I do,  _ someone sidled up next to him and he jumped, shoving the shakers away so fast, one tipped and spilled.

“You’re amazingPhil.” He was as tall as Phil with a mop of curly hair that hung down into his striking green eyes. Phil was hastily brushing salt off the counter into his hand. He threw a bit over his shoulder to avoid angering any malevolent spirits and let the rest fall to the floor. 

“I am. Hey.” He really hoped this guy would walk away but that didn’t happen.

“I’m PJ, so good meeting you.” He shook Phil’s hand briskly and spoke just as fast. “Love your videos. You came with Dan, yes? Dan and I met in grammar school. He’s a grave disappointment to his parents as am I, so we bonded right off the bat. Can I pick your brain about YouTube? I find it fascinating.”  

“Hi PJ, It’s eh, good to meet you too but I feel like I should see where Dan ran off to.”

“Oh Dan? He’s right over there.” He gestured over his shoulder. “He got ambushed on his way back from the loo.”

Phil looked over to see Dan talking to a very pretty young woman in tiny shorts and a bolero jacket. Her heels were so high, she could look Dan right in the eye. Her right hand rested on his forearm and the other gesticulated wildly, spilling drops of her drink onto the cream colored rug. Dan caught Phil looking for him and he rolled his eyes and grinned before going back to feigning interest in her non-stop talking. 

“So,” PJ drew Phil back in, “you guys a thing then?”

“Me and Dan? Oh no. We only just met. We’re just friends.”

“Really? Hmm. Didn’t look like friends over here canoodling in the corner.” PJ crunched a tiny pickle.

“Canoodling? We weren’t… he’s not interested in me like that.” Phil moved to get himself more punch and PJ followed, standing beside him.

“You see the girl he’s talking to? That’s Iris Spencer. She comes from just the right sort of family and has been educated in all the right schools. If Dan’s father could choose anyone for him to marry, she’d be it.”

“Marry? He's not even 19.” 

“Well, they’d wait till after university of course. To call her Dan’s ex-girlfriend would be a stretch so let’s just say they’ve spent some time together and she’s not accustomed to being turned down. Anywho, she’s been talking his ear off for a good 20 minutes and he hasn’t taken his eyes off of you.” PJ slurped from his cup of punch to drive his point home. “He’s into you.”

Phil kept his head low but glanced up, trying to discreetly watch the interaction. Dan nodded occasionally but his eyes stayed fixed over Iris’ shoulder, across the room, on Phil. Their eyes met and and Phil bit his lip to keep his smile from spreading too wide. He looked at PJ who grinned and slurped again.

“He’s out of my league.” Phil said, shaking his head softly.

PJ leaned in close and whispered, “Phil, he’s looking at you like you’re a damn buffet and he’s not sure which end to start on. Go. Get. Your. Man.”

Phil sputtered a laugh and looked at PJ with wide eyes. He couldn’t argue with that so he tipped back the rest of his punch and stood up as straight as his nerves would allow. He marched right up to Dan and took his hand. 

“Phil! This is… Oh!” Dan was cut off mid-sentence as Phil pulled Dan along with him, never stopping. 

Iris fumed, “Oi! Dan!”

Dan looked over his shoulder, “Sorry Iris, got a better offer!” They drew some attention as Phil led Dan out onto the balcony. Phil spotted a huge tub of beers and grabbed two. Dan did the same. They followed the balcony around the side of the building and squeezed past a stack of extra patio chairs to find a few feet of blessed empty space. They both sunk to the ground, giggling. Dan popped the tops of his beers on the slats of a chair and handed one to Phil, who held his own two beers up, “Great minds,” he said as he put them aside. 

They clinked their bottles together and Dan opened his mouth to give a toast but paused, “I just realized all the toasts I know are dirty, I don’t want to offend you. You got one?”

Phil thought for a second, cleared his throat, and said, “I’d rather have a bottle in front of me then a frontal lobotomy. Cheers!” 

Dan chuckled and drank. “Phil, I’m sorry I brought you here. I wanted to go somewhere I could be myself but this scene is garbage, I know that.”

“I dunno. I’m actually having a really good time, Dan. I met your friend, PJ. He’s… interesting. He’s actually pretty cool. I don’t care where we are as long I’m...” Phil stopped himself just in time but Dan wasn’t gonna let him off that easy. 

“I’m sorry, what?” Dan stared at Phil, eyebrows raised, hand over his heart. “Phil Lester, were you gonna say, as long as you’re with  _ me _ ?”  

“No. I mean, that’s weird. We just met. I… I just...”

“You  _ were _ gonna say that!” Dan was getting such a kick out of Phil’s utter embarrassment. “You cheesy mother fluffer. You were playing it so cool, but I broke through, didn’t I? Admit it, you like me? You think I’m fit.” The emphasis Dan put on the word  _ fit  _ had Phil completely flustered. He put his forehead on Dan’s shoulder and groaned. Dan laughed a little too loud. 

“It’s ok, Phil.” Dan’s voice softened, “I like you too.” 


	5. Chapter 5

The car pulled through a private gate. Windsor castle looked different from this side. It wasn’t glamorous, it looked like the service entrance of a hotel. They parked in a nondescript lot and Phil walked, flanked by guards, across a wide swath of lawn and through a door with a keypad entry. A camera perched above the door turned remotely to look at the group as they entered. After navigating a maze of hallways, Phil was led into a room, his phone confiscated, and he was left alone. He assumed he wasn’t actually alone, there was surely a guard outside the door and a camera recording his every move. He didn’t feel like sitting. He assumed he’d be seeing Dan and this lavish room was serving only to delay that meeting. He felt a pull in his gut, a nervous want. He was a little scared but more than that he was annoyed, defensive. He paced the opulent carpet, which was certainly worth more than his entire apartment full of furniture. The room looked exactly like you would expect, frozen in time with flashes of the modern world; remote cameras, usb outlets, modern security windows. The view was of St George’s chapel, it was sort of lovely but too austere for Phil’s taste. He preferred architecture with some passion or humor to it. 

Phil jumped when the door opened, he had become lost in his thoughts of what was to come. In walked a young woman with a tray. “Morning sir.” She set the tray on a side table and proceeded to pour Phil some tea. “Sugar?” 

Phil nodded. “2 please.”

She lifted two cubes with sterling tongs and dropped them into the tea, followed by a splash of milk. She carried the lovely floral cup and saucer to where Phil stood and just looked at him. He assumed she expected him to sit so he did and took his tea, thanking her. She left and it felt like 20 minutes before anyone came but, without his phone, Phil had no concept of time. Finally, someone came in who he recognized as Prince Walter, Dan’s father. He took a deep breath a prepared for the worst. 

Prince Walter waved a hand dismissively, “Don’t get up.” 

Phil hadn’t intended to. He didn’t know anything about all that pomp and circumstance and he really didn’t care to learn. Walter pulled a chair from the wall and sat just a few feet in front of Phil. 

“Hello Phil.” Not Mr. Lester, just Phil.

Hearing his name fall out of Prince Walter’s mouth so easily was odd, very odd and it didn’t exactly make Phil more comfortable.

“Hello.”

“Phil, let’s just cut to the chase.” Walter sounded tired of talking, like he’d been having these conversations all week and he was exhausted. “We are both adults and time is of the essence as I’m sure you know.”

Phil had finished his tea but still held the cup and suddenly he felt awkward, young, overpowered. There he was, in a plaid shirt and jeans, sat holding his empty cup. The prince’s chair raised him a bit higher than Phil who sat on the sofa. Phil needed to be on equal footing. He reached over to a table beside the sofa and set his cup down, then pulled himself straight and tall, sitting at the edge of the sofa to minimize the difference in height between he and the prince. He hated this kind of one on one, serious conversation with adults older than him. He had his shit together and he didn't like being made to feel like he didn’t but his confidence wavered in these situations. He did his best to look like he wasn’t completely intimidated.  

“That sounds good, sir, because I’d really like to know why I’m here.”

Walter’s hands were wringing and he looked down at them and raised his brow. “Phil, I know who you are and I know what you were to Daniel.” 

The words punched Phil right in the gut. What he was to Dan? What does that mean? He didn’t respond but he was careful to keep eye contact.

“Yesterday, when you were with Daniel, the physicians noticed a significant change in his monitoring. He appeared to have increased brain activity and we have determined....” 

“Wait. You can’t just tell me he has increased brain activity, I don’t know anything about his condition. Can you give me just a little background? Please.” Phil’s heart beat hard in his chest but he stilled himself.  

Prince Walter looked like he had thought this would be easier. Phil felt for him, this was his son after all and even if he wasn’t the best of fathers, he must be terrified. Walter took a deep breath and spoke in an even, measured tone. 

“The first couple of days, Daniel’s EEG read like sleep, there were a few short periods of rapid eye movement, and he seemed to be cycling through the stages. The only remarkable thing is that he did not move and he could not be awoken. Unfortunately, by day 3, Daniel was in a prolonged state of non-rem sleep, his breathing and heart rate had slowed considerably, and on occasion, he slipped into what the doctors call a vegetative state. By yesterday, he had settled in to that state, occasionally slipping deeper into what could only be called a coma ”

Phil dug deep to stay calm. He felt panic rise in his chest, he had no idea it had gotten that bad. He thought Dan might slip away before he even had a chance to see him again. There was a small piece of him that still loved Dan or perhaps it was just that this small piece was the only part that still admitted it. That piece of him had more courage than the rest of him combined and he drew on that to find the energy to speak.

“And when I was with him?”

The prince cleared his throat, he was clearly uncomfortable. “When you were with him, he came back to us, just a bit.” His voice sounded like it was threatening to break, just a hint of shaking came through. Phil wished he knew this man, wished he could reach out and offer some comfort. They both cared about the same person, they both felt the same gripping fear that they might lose him. He hated that they had to adhere to some non-existent decorum. There was no protocol for this because surely this had never happened before. 

Prince Walter stood and faced the wall for just a moment, gathering himself. He joined his hands behind his back and turned to look at Phil with a new resolve in eyes. “So here’s our proposal, Mr Lester. We’ve got the contracts all drawn up. You agree to cease all contact with Daniel in perpetuity. You agree not disclose your former relationship with my son nor the act we are proposing.”

“The act you are proposing?” Phil said, suspiciously.

Prince Walter didn’t move. “You will kiss Daniel, once. Based on your effect on his EEG, we believe this will revive him. We hope it will. We, of course, cannot offer you the same protections and guarantees as the other suitors, but we are prepared to gift you a generous reward.”

Phil wasn’t nervous anymore and he definitely wasn’t intimidated. He stood and look Walter directly in the eye. “A generous reward? All due respect sir, but have you lost your mind? You believe that your son is cursed? You think I’m his _one_ _true love_. You think I’m his destiny and you would take that from him?” Phil actually wanted an answer but he didn’t get one. “Of course you would! _”_

Prince Walter shifted on his feet. “Phil, you know we can’t have…”

“Can’t have what? The future king married to a man? Or just in love with one? You put god and country and this bullshit monarchy in front of Daniel’s happiness, in front of his life! You can go fuck yourself,  _ sir.  _ I won’t kiss him without his consent so none of this matters anyway.”

Phil walked to the door but it was locked. He looked up into the glass dome that concealed a camera just above his head. “Let me out, I’m done here.”

There was a click and the handle turned in Phil’s hand. He had no idea how to get out of this place but somehow he found his way through the halls and out into the lawn. He could hear the guards walking behind behind him. Half way across the lawn, he heard someone, definitely not Walter or a guard, calling his name. The voice was young and Phil knew it must be Adrian, Dan’s brother.  _ Damn.  _ He couldn’t ignore the teenage brother of a potentially dying man. He stopped walking and turned. 

“Phil, please.” Adrian was a little winded from catching up with Phil and his cheeks were rosy from the cool air. Phil thought he saw streaks from tears on his face but he couldn’t be sure. “Please just try. You can’t just leave. You might be the only chance we have.”

Again Phil felt that pull to reach out to this person, to comfort them. This was Dan’s family after all and that meant something.

“Adrian, oh my god, I’m so sorry this is happening.” He couldn’t help himself, he stepped closer and opened his arms to the brother of the first man he loved. Adrian stepped in and held Phil tight, burying his face in Phil’s chest. His shoulders shuddered as he dissolved into sobs. 

“Please, Phil. Please. You can’t just let him die. He loves you.” 

Phil could just make out the words through the crying.  _ He loves you.  _ Loves, not loved. Had he heard right? Did it matter? Phil suddenly felt incredibly selfish. Was he doing this for Dan or was this about his own selfish desires. He still had no idea what he believed to be true but if there was a chance, how could he walk away? Would Dan put the principal of the thing over his own well being? Probably. But Phil wouldn’t. Dan would just have to fight that battle once he was alive and kicking again. Phil pulled away from Adrian. 

“Ok. Adrian, ok, I hear you. Let’s go back. But will you stay?” Adrian nodded. He looked so young as he wiped tears from his cheeks and snot from his nose. In just 2 years, he’d be the age Dan was when he’d met Phil. How had they been this young. Phil’s heart twisted and swelled with a cocktail of love, hope, nostalgia, and fear. So much fear. 

Phil followed Adrian but they didn’t go back to the opulent room, they walked straight to St. George’s chapel. Once through the doors, they entered a small area to the left known as the morning chapel. There was Princess Danielle, kneeling at the altar. She was chanting or saying a prayer maybe? Phil didn't know much about this kind of thing. She looked back as they came in and stood. Phil was surprised to see her opening her arms as she walked toward him. 

“So you’re Phil.” She embraced him like a mother does. “I understand we both love the same man.” She smiled. It was a kind, open smile, but pained. Phil was shocked at her welcome. Her eyes were wet and darkly rimmed from lack of sleep. For someone who had been praying for a week straight, she was surprisingly composed. She explained, in no uncertain terms, her account of what was going on. She had sided with Prince Walter in pushing Dan to marry the Spencer girl even though he had repeatedly insisted that he didn’t and couldn’t love her. She had threatened and berated and wore him down and Dan was close to giving in. The Princess wholeheartedly believed that this was the impetus for the curse coming to fruition. She was crushed by the weight of her guilt, truly feeling responsible for Dan’s condition. She felt her only recourse was to pray and beg for forgiveness, to beg for god to show mercy and intervene. This sort of literal belief in god was foreign to Phil but he tried to understand. He held her hand as she recounted the story. He was silent, nodding acknowledgment occasionally. His pain paled in comparison to hers and he was certainly willing to wait his turn. When she had told the tale, unbelievable and fantastic as it was, she looked into Phil’s eyes. She held both his hand and spoke, “You‘re here Phil, so I know you want to help him. My question for you is, what are you willing to do?"

 

* * *

 

 

Phil had had three cups of punch, or was it 4? He had no idea what was even in that punch. Add to that 2 beers and Phil’s general low tolerance for alcohol and he was pretty wasted. They’d been tucked away in their private corner of the world the world so long that when they dragged themselves up and into the real world, the balcony was empty. It had gotten pretty chilly and everyone had moved inside. Someone was doing a terrible karaoke rendition of _I can’t help Falling in Love with You._ The party had grown louder as people got more and more inebriated. There was also a general increase in snogging which would have made Phil uncomfortable any other time but just made him envious in his current state. He leaned an arm on Dan’s shoulder and they weaved their way toward the elevator. They were intercepted a few times by friends who wondered where they had been or just wanted a bit of Dan’s time. Dan masterfully avoided every obstacle and they made it onto the elevator. 

Once the doors closed, Phil leaned into Dan, “You should come to mine.”

“Mmm, tempting, but you’re drunk so maybe not tonight.”   

Phil swayed on his feet a bit. “You said not tonight. So maybe next time?”

Dan wrapped an arm around Phil to help steady him. “Let’s not skip any steps. I want to take my time with you.” 

Phil suddenly wished he hadn’t drank so much, not because he would change a single thing about this night though. It was just that there was a warmth growing in his chest that was new and scary and beautiful and he wished it wasn’t clouded by drunkenness. 

Outside, Dennis still stood, smoking and reading something on his phone. Phil wagged his finger at him, “That’s a nasty habit, mate.” He sounded so northern when he was drunk. They slid in to the car and Phil rested his head on Dan’s shoulder. Dan took his hand and Phil watched as their fingers laced together. Their hands fit together perfectly. Phil’s actually felt slightly delicate wrapped in such a large strong grip and he kept his eyes fixed on this new development. “Dan, this was a date, right? This was our first date?”

Dan laughed a bit, “Yeah Phil, that was our first date.” 

Phil felt so sleepy, a little nauseous, and totally elated. “That was the best first date ever.”  

The car pulled up to Phil’s apartment and Dan got out with him. He walked him inside and up the stairs into his room, stopping by the kitchen and the bathroom. When Phil came back from brushing his teeth and taking out his contacts, Dan was stood next to the bed. He had three Ibuprofen in one hand and a huge glass of water in the other. Phil cocked his head to one side. “You’re in my bedroom.”

“Yep. Into your pants, mister.” Dan turned around to preserve Phil’s modesty and Phil stripped down to his pants and climbed under the sheets. He sat up in bed, shirtless, something he’d definitely be embarrassed about when he sobered up. Dan handed him the pills and water. “An ounce of prevention.” He said. “Drink the whole glass. You’ll thank me when you don’t have a hangover tomorrow.” Phil did as he was told and shimmied down into bed. 

He looked up at the actual prince tucking him in. “Do you do this for all your dates?”

Dan pulled the covers up to his chin and looked down at his tired face, smiling sweetly. 

“No, I really don’t. I don’t know what’s come over me.” He sat on the edge of the bed and brushed Phil’s hair away from his face, then turned and kissed his cheek. The kiss was soft and it lingered so long that Phil raised a hand and pushed his fingers into the back of Dan’s hair. He closed his eyes and drank in the feeling of Dan’s lips on his skin. He may forget some of this drunken night but he wouldn’t forget this. 

“Goodnight Phil.”

“Goodnight Dan.”

Phil listened as Dan made his way downstairs and out the door. As he drifted off to sleep, Phil heard his phone vibrate on the nightstand. He groped for his glasses, slipped them on, and held the phone up over his sleepy eyes to read the text.  

**Dan:** That was the most fun I’ve ever had. 


	6. Chapter 6

_What are you willing to do?_ What was he willing to do? Phil sat down on the closest pew and folded his hands under his chin. He really didn’t know how to answer that question. There seemed to be an assumption that Phil was the key to all of this, that he and Dan were destined to be together and that only their love would satisfy the curse. Phil found it a little harder to breathe under all that pressure. Of course he loved Dan, he would always love Dan, but the truth was, he had moved on. He had loved again, more than once, if not totally successfully. He still felt that Dan was the person he would later describe as the love of his life, once he had lived enough life to say that sort of thing. The threat of losing him, not just romantically, but truly losing Dan, had brought buried feelings to the surface and Phil wasn’t sure if he could trust his own heart right now. Dan had made the choice, he didn’t want Phil. So why then, almost 5 years later, was Dan’s family so convinced that Phil was the _one_?

“Your highness.” Phil kept his eyes to the floor in front of him.

“Please, call me Danielle. This situation is too important for all of that nonsense.”  

He lifted his eyes to meet hers and smiled slightly. “Danielle, I’m at a bit of a loss here. Dan and I haven’t spent any time together in years. I moved on and judging by what I saw in the tabloids so did he.”

Danielle huffed quietly and waved a dismissive hand. Adrian reached up from where he sat to take his mother’s hand and encouraged her to join him. She sat stiffly on the edge of the wooden seat.

“I’m just not sure if what Dan and I had is going to cut it, curse wise, I mean.” Phil considered the account of Dan’s health from his meeting with Prince Walter. “However, if my presence had even a small positive effect on Dan, I think it makes sense to try.”

“So you’ll kiss him?” Her voice was so hopeful, so frightened, it broke Phil’s heart to respond.

“No.” Phil took a deep breath as he watched her face fall. He wasn’t going to budge on this. “And I’m not signing anything. But what if I spend some more time with him and we see what happens? I was only in there for 3 minutes. What if I sit with him? Talk to him. For an hour or two or all day. They say that sort of thing helps coma patients.”

“This isn’t a coma.” Danielle snapped at Phil.

“I know.” He spoke softly. “I know. But it helped before, maybe more time with me will bring more change. I want the same thing you want, Danielle. I want Dan to come back to us. Let’s just take it one day at a time.”

Danielle nodded a small affirmation and Adrian breathed a sigh of relief, wrapping an arm around her.  

“Can we start now?” Adrian asked.

“What about the suitors?” Phil had almost forgotten about all that.

“We haven’t let anyone in since yesterday. They’re still lined up, people camped out.” Adrian stood and kissed his mum on her head. “We should be able to get you in without anyone seeing.”

“Ok.” Phil stood. “Let’s go see Dan then.”

He followed Adrian back outside. The walk to the guest apartments, where Dan was being kept, was fairly long. Adrian’s hands were in his pockets as he shuffled along. Phil wanted so badly to ask about Dan. How had he been these last few years? How was uni? Did he mention Phil often? What had he said? How did they get here? Instead he stayed quiet, understanding that it wasn’t time for his needs to be met right now. He could ask Dan all those questions himself and soon as he woke up so he resolved to focus on that and that alone. They entered a side door not unlike the one from the morning, walked down several hallways, and came to set of double doors. It was the interior entrance to the operating theatre, as it was known. Adrian and Phil stopped and stared at one another until Phil broke the silence.

“Would you like to spend some time with him first? I don’t know how much you’ve been able to see him, with all of this going on.”  

“Nah, he doesn’t even know I’m there.” Adrian kept his eyes down.

“Don’t say that. Of course he knows when you’re there, you’re his brother.” Phil put a hand on his arm.

“We weren’t close. I was such a dick to him. I’m the last thing he needs right now.” Adrian’s lip quivered.

“None of that matters, Adrian. You’re brothers. All brothers are dicks to each other sometimes. God, I used to torment Martyn at your age, but he means the world to me. Dan loves you so much. He told me. He talked about you and your future and he worried. He loves you.”

“Well,” Adrian looked at Phil. “he loves you more. So please just help him.”

Phil felt the weight of his role in this again, heavier this time. He wasn’t sure he could move. He tried to convey sympathy and compassion in the look he gave to this kid standing with him, this kid with so much to lose. Phil swallowed and heaved a deep, full breath. He squared his shoulders and stepped forward, opening the door.  

 

* * *

 

The sun streamed in through Phil’s window, seeping through his closed eyelids and warming his cheeks. He arched his back, stretching under the covers, then curled around onto his side and buried his face in the pillow. He wasn’t ready to admit he was awake despite the assault of daylight. As he snuggled the duvet tighter around himself, it occurred to him that he was shirtless, in just his pants. His half asleep brain began to remember; Dan had been in his room, Dan had gotten him a glass of water, Dan had seen him shirtless! He had only moments to be mortified because his next memory was the feel of Dan’s lips on his cheek and his fingers in Dan’s hair. His heart fluttered and he stretched his legs, feeling the warmth of desire spread through him. Maybe it was silly to to feel anything but romantic about a kiss like that but Phil had long ago filed Dan in the 18+ part of his brain and there was no fighting it. Dan just breathing was sexy to Phil and the thought of him caring so sweetly for him, then kissing him so tenderly was, well, really fucking hot. He ran his finger over his chest and slowly began to move his hand lower on his body, eyes still closed softly. Just before things got really good, his phone rang out on the nightstand. He rolled toward the sound, grabbed his glasses and squinted at the bright screen.   

Dan: I had a great time last night.

Phil blushed. He felt like he’d been caught in the act and he laughed at himself as he formulated his response. Eyeing Dan’s last message, Phil typed.  

Phil: The most fun you’ve ever had?

Dan: I stand by that statement.

Phil: Thanks for taking care of me last night. No one’s ever done that for me.

Dan: You have a funny effect on me, Phil Lester.

Phil. :) I had a great time too. At least, the parts I remember were great.

Dan: Hmm. Do you remember stealing me away from Iris Spencer?

Phil: Yep

Dan: Do you remember laying your head on my shoulder on the balcony?

Phil: I do.

Dan: Do you remember biting me?

Phil: I’m sorry, what?

Dan: After we’d been on the balcony a while. We were talking about the stars, finding shapes. You bit my shoulder. You kinda clawed at me too.

Phil: Oh god. I’m just gonna go jump out the window now. Bye forever.

Dan: No! Don’t do that. I was planning on keeping you around for a while. Don’t worry, it was cute. I took it as a compliment.

...

Dan: When can I see you again?

Phil considered playing it cool, pretending to be busy again, but Dan had literally tucked him in last night. Maybe they were already past that.

Phil: Literally anytime.

Dan: Yay! Wednesday?

Phil: Sure. You wanna get dinner somewhere?

Dan: I’m kinda not allowed to go anywhere that’s open.

Dan: Sorry I’m not normal.

Phil: Normal is boring. You wanna come over here? I’m a terrible cook but we can order in.

Dan: I would kill for real life delivery pizza.

Phil: Hopefully, it won’t come to that.

Phil: 7?

Dan: 7 it is. I can’t wait. xo

 

3 days is a long time to wait for a date with someone you’ve crushed on from afar for months. It’s a long time to wait when you aren’t totally convinced this isn’t all a dream. Phil tried his best to stay busy. He made a video and put it up. He filmed a gaming video. He did a live show and spent the whole time talking about Stephen King but thinking about Dan and he had lunch with Louise twice. He cleaned his apartment to a level that he had never attained before. Dan grew up at Windsor castle and is currently staying at Buckingham palace, so yeah, no pressure. Every little thing that happened, every cute dog, every strange encounter on the tube, he wanted to tell Dan. He mostly resisted that urge. Unfortunately, day drinking margaritas with Louise loosened him up a bit and he sent a selfie cradling his giant burrito in his arms like it was a baby. To be fair, it was a really big burrito, and Louise was egging him on mercilessly. Dan responded with a photo of himself, pouting, bottom lip sticking out, looking down at a plate of very dignified but very sad looking finger sandwiches.

“Gah, he’s so cute!” Phil held the photo up for Louise to see.

“Told you you should text him. I can’t believe you’re gonna do it with Prince Daniel. You’re so lucky.” Louise began reapplying her lipstick in a tiny compact mirror.

“Louise!”

“What? Aren’t you?” Louise said.

Phil felt flushed. “Louise, stop. I don’t know. I mean, maybe eventually. It’s only our second date.”

“You’re a stronger man than I, friend. I don’t like to wait too long. What if you really get to like him and the sex is rubbish. Anyway, He. Is. Fit. I’d get on that if I were you.” Louise snapped her compact closed.

Phil fanned himself with a menu. “Is it hot in here?”

Louise grinned, “So what are you guys doing on your date?”

“He wants pizza.” Phil slurped the last of his margarita.

“Cheap date!” Louise said impishly, “Where are you gonna go?”

Phil popped a chip into his mouth, trying to muffle his words. “My place.”

“Wait. What was that? Your place?”

Phil just kept shoveling guacamole into his face, trying to eat his embarrassment.  

“Your place?! Oh yeah, you're gonna do it. You are gonna do the deed with the prince!” She put her hand up for a high five but Phil just glared at her.

 

Wednesday finally came and Phil stayed in bed as long as he could muster. At 2 pm, he was truly starving and very much awake so he dragged himself up and into the kitchen for coffee and cereal. By 4, he was showered and texting photos of potential outfits to Louise. He spent way too much time straightening his hair and perfecting his fringe so he looked edgy but not too edgy, cool but adult, like he used to be emo but has definitely grown out of that phase. By 5:30, he was ready and just sitting on the sofa, tapping his foot, alight with nervous energy and anticipation. He stared down at his phone, debating whether to text Dan. Maybe he should confirm? Just in case Dan got called away on important royal business. Was that a thing? He needed a bridge, he was never gonna make it to 7. They’d been way too casual the last three days. Phil just wanted Dan here in his apartment. He wanted to hear every detail of Dan’s week. What projects did he work on? Were those tiny sandwiches any good? Had he been thinking of Phil? Then it struck him, pizza! He couldn’t order pizza without asking Dan how he liked it. Just then he felt the phone vibrate in his hand and he jumped a little. Dan had beaten him to it.

Dan: Hey we still on for 7? Or did you come to your senses?

The butterflies in Phil’s stomach began to flutter about.

Phil: Looking for an out? Not a chance. My apartment has never been this clean and there is no way I did all that for nothing. I’m glad you texted though, what do you like on your pizza?

...

Phil: Don’t say pineapple

Dan: Pineapple

Phil: Oh dear, something has just come up.

Dan: Ok, Ok, I take it back. I like veggies, maybe pepperoni. Whatever you like is cool as long as it’s greasy and bad for me. You didn’t have to clean for me.

Phil: Um I actually did. You live in a castle.

Dan: It’s a very old castle.

Phil: Well my little apartment is noisy and dusty and small so lower your expectations, K?

Dan: Will do. I just wanna be where you are, Phil.

Phil laid his head back on the sofa and sighed.      

Dan: See you soon

Phil: Can’t wait

 

_I just wanna be where you are._ That might have been the most romantic thing anyone had ever said to Phil. _I just wanna be where you are._ Phil got the sudden urge to change his clothes or redo his hair or clean something else. Problem was, he’d already tried every shirt he owned and his apartment didn’t get any cleaner than this. He checked the time, 5:45. He abruptly jumped up, grabbed his jacket, and raced out the door and down the stairs. The bakery was just a few doors down but they’d be closed at 6. In minutes, he was standing in front of Leo, who was carefully pulling cakes from the case. “Hey Phil, just closing up, what can I get you?”

Phil had to catch his breath from the hurry. “Hey.” He eyed what was left. No pigs, no pandas, just a sad, crooked faced bear. “Uh, I need dessert for me and a friend. Something special but also like, ready right now.”

 

“You have a date?” Phil shifted and chewed his lip, cheeks pinking up, eyes smiling against his will. Leo raised an eyebrow and smiled widely. “Aw, she’s special isn’t she? I’ve got you, Phil. Let’s see. What’s her favorite color?”  

“I don’t know actually, it’s only our second date. He wears a lot of black.” Phil’s eyes darted around the case.

Leo turned and took two small cakes from the back counter. They were purple and black and blue, covered in flecks of silvery white and they shined like glass.

“Oh my god space cakes! These are amazing, I’ve never seen these before!”

“Just learned how. These were going to go out in the morning but they’re all yours. I’ll box them up.”

“Leo this is so perfect, you have no idea.” Phil pulled out his wallet but Leo held up his hand.

“These are on me Phil. Just invite me to the wedding.” Leo winked. “I hope he likes them.”

Phil’s pink cheeks went red and he took the small white boxes from Leo, rambling thank yous as he he backed out of the bakery. He walked home carefully and set the cakes on the kitchen  counter. At 6:45, there was a knock at the door. _He’s early, thank god._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come say hi on Tumblr @allthephils


	7. Chapter 7

Of, course Phil was far more prepared this time. Yesterday had been such a shock but now he had some understanding of Dan’s condition, and he had a purpose. He was here to remind Dan what was good about being alive, to wake up the parts of his brain that kept him from slipping away. He sat down on the chair and looked down at this face he had once thought was perfect. It was so still, so peaceful, not a trace of Dan’s insecurity or guilt. For a while, Phil just looked at Dan, thankful that he had no limits on his time today. His hair was so curly. Dan would definitely be mad that they had gone to the trouble of putting him in his totally invalid military uniform but didn’t straighten his hair. Phil ran his eyes over Dan’s features, his long eyelashes, his beautiful nose, his freckled cheek where he’d get a rosy blush when he was shy or excited or drunk. His eyes settled on Dan’s lips and the memories rushed in, knocking the air out of him. He saw no reason to fight the tears so they tumbled down his cheeks and he sobbed quietly until he was able to catch his breath. Phil wasn’t sure if the tears were for longing or fear or pain, but he felt certain that he had to be fully open here, so Dan could feel it, could feel him.

“Hey Dan. I’m back.” He smiled, he was nervous, despite the captive audience. “Sorry for the outburst. This has been an emotional day. I met your family. They seem great, they love you so much. Your mum gave me a hug! And Adrian, well, he’s scared, so, maybe give him some extra attention when you get back, ok?”

Phil was craning his neck at a tortuous angle so he got up and moved the chair so he was facing Dan instead of lined up alongside him. 

“There you are. That’s better. I miss you, Dan. When this is all over, we aren’t losing touch again. We are going to hang out like proper friends. You owe me that much, what with me being your destiny and all.” he laughed out loud. He knew there was a guard behind him at the door but he chose to pretend that he was alone with Dan, deciding he was done worrying about what anyone else thought. 

“I did some reading about coma patients, if that’s what this even is. I guess it’s supposed to help if I talk to you. I guess I could tell you some stories. We are gonna be here a while so get comfortable.” Phil chuckled again at his own joke. “Looking at you like this, it’s our stories that come to mind so I guess I’ll go with those. I’d say let’s start at the beginning but I barely remember our first date. It seems somebody corrupted me with alcohol that night.” His hands had been clutched in his lap and he shook them out in an attempt to relax. He reached forward tentatively and placed a hand on the bed near Dan, his pinky just touching Dan’s upper arm.

“So let’s start with the night I fell in love with you. You didn’t know it was the night I fell in love with you because I didn’t even know yet. But it was, and I remember it like it was yesterday.”

* * *

 

 

The pizza was delivered just after Dan arrived. Phil made Dan wait in the lounge while he served them slices on real plates, made Ribena in wine glasses, and lit candles in the center of the table. This felt like a real date, just he and Dan, here in Phil’s flat. He was giddy with excitement as he went out to tell Dan to come in. Dan stood, hands in his pockets, looking beautiful and nervous. 

“Dan, you’re not even ready.” Phil stopped. Just behind Dan, on the sofa, loomed a rather imposing figure. It was Dennis. “Oh. Hi Dennis.” Dennis gave Phil a rather laddish nod. “I wasn’t aware you were here. I’ll get you a slice.”

“He was parking.” Dan gave Phil an apologetic look. “He’s not really supposed to leave me alone with people unknown to my family. He’ll stay out of the way though. Isn’t that right, Dennis?”  

Dennis had leaned back and pulled out his IPad, he certainly made himself at home. 

“Already ate.” He said in Phil’s general direction. Dennis was a man of few words. 

Phil led Dan to the table and watched his face light up, his dimples sinking deeply as he grinned. “Phil! This is mental. I thought we’d be sitting on the floor and eating out of the box.” 

“Well, I wanted it to feel special. I have a surprise for after too, so save some room.”

They sat at the corner of the table so they were facing each other but also next to each other. Phil’s long legs brushed up against Dan’s and he bit his lip. He was having a hard time knowing where to look. Those dimples had a tendency to render him speechless so he moved his eyes from Dan’s hair to Dan’s eyes to Dan’s hands to Dan’s neck. _God damn._ Phil exhaled quickly and took a sip of Ribena. His hand was shaking as he set his glass down. 

“You ok there, mate?” Dan mocked as he watched Phil struggle.

“I’m a little nervous.”

Dan giggled quietly, “I am too. I’ve been freaking out all day.”

“Really?” Phil was so relieved, though Dan didn’t look nervous, he looked cool. Phil stared down into his pizza. “It would really help me out if you could be like 20% less pretty.”

Dan reached out and put his hand to Phil’s cheek, coaxing him to look up. “I could say the same thing. Your eyes really are too much. You could go swimming in those eyes.”

Phil felt his soul leave his body for a moment. The things this boy says. Dan pulled his hand back and cleared his throat. “I’m really sorry about Dennis. I tried to get him to stay in the car but he wasn’t having it.”

“It’s ok. If that’s how it has to be to have you here, it’s ok with me. Does he know this is a date? This is a date, right?” Phil ate his pizza far more slowly that he ever would alone.

“Yes, you dink, this is a date. And you are never allowed to ask that again. Just assume that if you are with me, it’s a date. Ok?” He bumped his thigh into Phil’s knee. “And officially, no, he doesn’t know this is a date. I’m not technically out to my family or the public, but... Dennis spends a lot of time with me. He just has a very selective memory, for which I am grateful.”

Phil nodded. “So what amazing things did you do this week? I wanna hear about your gap year stuff.”  

“Oh you know, I just go wherever they send me. I did get to go to a women’s shelter yesterday which was so heartbreaking but really cool.” Dan pepped up a bit. “We brought books for the kids and I read to them. I got to hear some of the mothers’ stories. These women are so strong, Phil, what they’ve been through, and their kids. We talked about what sort of things could actually help them, what policies could help empower them and you know, give them some options when they have to leave a violent situation.”

Phil listened in awe. “Dan, that’s incredible. I didn’t know you were doing work like that.”

“Well, yeah. I mean, I loved it, but I don’t actually have any influence on policy at all.” His voice was terse. “All these things I do feel like photo opportunities. I’m trying to make the best of it.”  

“Oh.” Maybe he shouldn’t have brought it up but Phil loved hearing Dan talk like this, about things that he was passionate about. “I’m sorry, Dan. I can only imagine how that is but god, I make stupid videos all day. I think it’s so cool that you are doing something meaningful with your life. I love that you chose to stay in London for your gap year.” 

Dan huffed a breath, “Your videos aren’t stupid. They’re silly, but so what? They make people happy, and they’re yours. You built your life for yourself, on your own hard work and creativity.  _ That’s  _ incredible, Phil.” Dan paused for a moment, he scratched his neck, clearly uncomfortable. “I didn’t want to stay in London, you know.”

“You didn’t?”

Dan shook his head. “I wanted to go to Haiti or somewhere in Africa. After school music lessons are great but I wanted my foundation to help rescue victims of sex trafficking. I know this work is good but I could be doing so much more with all this goddamn privilege. It’s embarrassing.” 

“So why aren’t you doing what you want?” Phil felt stupid asking but he really didn’t understand.

“Well, to put it simply, my family doesn’t trust me. I can’t really blame them. I didn’t exactly behave in school. They had to do a lot of damage control and they aren’t really keen on me being out of arm’s reach. Plus, sex trafficking is just a little too indelicate a cause. They know I won’t keep it genteel if I’m working on something I really care about. It’s not about the work or my learning or growth or whatever. It’s about image and keeping me in line.”   

“Wow, I had no idea.” Phil stood and started to clear the dishes.

“Ugh, I’m such a downer. Can we talk about something else?”

“Actually, I’ve got the perfect thing to lift your spirits.” Phil walked to the counter and opened the boxes. He carefully placed each cake on it’s own plate and grabbed two forks. “Cover your eyes.”

“Excuse me? What’s this kinky shit?”  

“Just do it.” Phil laughed, grateful for the change of mood.

“Geez, demanding. I like it.” Dan put his hands over his eyes just in time to miss the blush that washed over Phil.

Phil put the cakes on the table and cleared the pizza box. He sat down. “Ok, open your eyes.”

“What the wha? Phil Lester, you have outdone yourself!” They tinked their forks together and dug in. The cakes were chocolate and cherry in layers, filled with thick whipped cream. They were decadent and sexy, if a cake can be sexy. They ate, moaning at the flavors, giggling together at their reactions. After a few bites, Dan fed Phil a bit of his and Phil returned the favor. They weren’t talking but their eyes were fixed on each other. Dan watched Phil’s mouth as he took a bite, Phil watched Dan’s fingers as he swiped a fallen bit of cream off his plate. They were completely enraptured with each other. It felt so intimate, too hot for the kitchen table on a second date. Phil hadn’t even kissed this boy but the want he felt was threatening to move him toward some very rash decisions. He remembered what Dan had said about not skipping any steps.

“Dan.”

“Mmmhmm?” Dan had just taken a mouthful and was slowly pulling the fork through his lips. Phil watched and it physically hurt him to say what he said next. “Maybe we better go into the lounge, I think we need supervision... before I cause a national incident.”

Dan laughed and nodded. He helped Phil clear off the table and take the plates to the sink. In the lounge, Dennis took up more than his share of the sofa, but they sat down anyway. The close proximity had them giggling and talking in low voices about how full they were and  whether to watch a film or play MarioKart. Dennis glared at them, apparently not feeling the love.

“Oi, Dennis,” Dan said, “there are some very comfortable chairs in the kitchen you know.”

“I’ve got another lounge too, my gaming room, if you’d be more comfortable there.” Phil added nervously.

Dennis raised an eyebrow. “Kitchen’s fine.” He hoisted himself off the couch. 

Phil breathed a sigh of relief. They were alone again, sort of. With their food comas setting in, they both thought a film would be more their speed right now. Phil sent Dan to the shelf to choose a DVD. 

“Hmm, good collection, this is gonna be tough. Ooh! Is it ok if it’s not exactly a film?” He grabbed a box and hid it in front of him until the dvd was in. He sat back on the sofa, not at all taking advantage of the space made by Dennis’ departure. 

The minute the voice of the narrator came through, Phil knew it was Buffy and he joined in in his best low, spooky voice. 

“In every generation there is a chosen one. She alone will stand against the vampires, the demons, and the forces of darkness. She is the slayer.”

Dan watched with a smirk, “You’re lucky I think nerds are sexy.” 

Phil just smiled, tongue between his teeth. He had no shame when it came to Buffy and it made him feel loose and brave. He slung an arm around Dan who snuggled in and rested his head just below Phil’s shoulder. Phil’s heart beat like a drum but Dan didn’t mention it. He felt the same. They chatted through 3 episodes, Phil pointing out favorite moments and easter eggs. Eventually they weren’t talking about Buffy at all but about what cartoons they watched as kids, their favorite horror movies, and what books they had on their lists to read. Phil had wondered if the easy conversation at the party had been largely due to the social lubrication of very alcoholic punch. Now he knew that wasn’t the case. It just flowed for them and even the silences felt comfortable. Phil felt Dan’s head move up and down with his own breathing and found himself angling his head so Dan’s hair brushed his cheek.  

As the third episode wrapped up, they watched, quiet, out of light topics to joke about. Dan tilted his face toward Phil’s. “I have an early day tomorrow, I should go soon.” 

Phil stuck out his bottom lip, leaning back to look Dan in the eye. He looked toward the kitchen, they hadn’t heard a peep from Dennis for hours. Phil let it sink in that Dan was in his arms, practically laying on him, he had kicked off his shoes and his feet were now folded up beside him on the sofa. Phil really didn’t want this to end but if it had to, there was one more thing he wanted to do tonight. He shifted his weight so that Dan would sit up. Dan got the message and angled himself toward Phil, tucking one foot under himself. “Oh, ok, so I guess I’ll text you tomorrow.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “I had a really amazing time, Phil.”

Phil looked into those chocolate eyes and dug deep for courage. He bit his lip, then spoke in a whisper, hoping Dennis wouldn’t hear. 

“Dan, may I kiss you?”

Dan swallowed and nodded, looking right into Phil’s eyes. He licked his lips and smiled. It was a small, fleeting smile but it revealed a dimple and made Phil feel both soft and incredibly strong. Phil pulled himself up and moved close to Dan, pausing just centimeters from his lips. He looked down at those lovely lips and then back into eyes locked to his own. Phil slipped his hand gently behind Dan’s head and pulled him in. Their mouths pressed softly together for a long, sweet moment. Phil pulled just a fraction away and parted his lips slightly so that Dan’s top lip would fit perfectly in the space he’d made. He ran his tongue along the line of Dan’s mouth and felt Dan open and melt into him. Their tongues were slow and lazy, unwilling to rush this, pushing into each other in this small, intimate way. Dan had one hand on Phil’s thigh and the other gripped Phil’s shirt behind his back. With every passing moment, Dan leaned further into Phil until he was fully reclined against the sofa back and Dan’s weight was on his chest. The tables had turned and Phil let himself be kissed, soft and wet and slow. Dan paused to breath and Phil placed his hand on his chest and gently held him away. Their chests heaved and the look in Dan’s eyes made Phil feel vulnerable and hungry. 

“Dan, we should…”

Dan smiled so wide and genuine Phil’s heart skipped a beat. “Yeah, yeah, we should stop. Sorry.”

Phil beamed, his heart swelled and every bone in his body wanted Dan to stay. He closed his eyes, promising himself he wouldn’t forget this moment, not one detail. He knew that this was the kiss he’d tell his grandkids about. It was all silly romance but he didn’t care, he knew it in his gut, this was the man he’d spend his life with. When he opened his eyes, Dan had his shoes on and was reaching for his jacket. They both stood and without being called, Dennis appeared. They all made their way to the door where Dan gave Dennis his best pleading, puppy dog face. Dennis rolled his eyes. “I’ll fetch the car, stay inside the door.”  

They only had a few minutes so Phil closed in, pressing Dan to the wall and kissing him with every bit of passion he was feeling in his body. It was short and hot, everything their first kiss hadn’t been. They pulled apart and Dan reached up to push Phil’s disheveled fringe aside. 

“I’ll see you soon, Phil.”

Phil wanted to say that this had been the best night of his life, he wanted to say that Dan was the best person in the world. Instead he said, “Soon.”

They heard a car pull up on the other side of the door. “Good night, Dan.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come say hi on Tumblr @allthphils!


	8. Chapter 8

The sun was low in the sky when Phil finally left Dan’s side. He gave Adrian a hug goodbye and a promise to see him tomorrow. This time, when Phil got in the car, he was surprised to see Dennis at the wheel. “Oh. Hi. I thought you were working the door.”

Dennis eyed Phil in the rear view mirror. “Working the door? I’m not a bouncer, mate.”

“I know that Dennis, that’s not what I meant. Just, I trust you with his life, that’s all.”

“Yeah, don’t worry, I left someone I trust at my post.”

It was strange talking to Dennis again. He knew more about Phil and Dan than anyone. He was witness to their love story and to their undoing. He looked the other way on more than one occasion so that Dan could just be an 18 year old man, so that he could fall in love. Gratitude brought tears to Phil’s eyes, taking him completely by surprise. Exhaustion, both physical and emotional, had left him raw and sensitive.

“Dennis, I’m glad you’re here. I wanted to thank you. For letting me in yesterday. It really means the world to me and it looks like it might really make a difference to Dan too.”

Dennis stayed focused on the road. “Well, it’s not like you gave me much of a choice, Phil.”

“Yeah, sorry about all that. But I know full well that you could have tackled me to the ground or had me arrested, or like, thrown in the dungeon or something.”

It’s a miracle the glass didn’t shatter for the look Dennis gave Phil in the mirror. They were quiet until they neared Phil’s apartment.

“8am tomorrow.” Dennis said authoritatively.

Phil winced. “Um, actually Dennis. I don’t really  _ do _ 8am. I need to be rested and emotionally prepared when I see Dan so let’s say noon. Ok?”

Dennis got out and opened Phil’s door. “Noon then.”

Phil stood in front of Dennis and looked at his tired face. He’d aged since Phil first met him, more than 5 years worth and it occurred to Phil that this must be really hard for Dennis too.

“Dennis, this is so scary, for all of us. If you ever need anyone to talk to… I mean, are you doing ok?”

Dennis patted Phil hard on the shoulder, it seemed like a pretty important gesture though Phil wasn’t quite sure what it meant. He didn’t say another word, just got in the car and drove away. 

Phil plopped onto the sofa exhausted and pulled his phone out. He turned it on, he couldn’t remember the last time his phone had been all the way off. This is how it would be now, disconnected. He didn’t know how many days he’d be spending just hanging out with Dan but he’d already resigned himself to this new life for the foreseeable future. Everyday he’d be with Dan and every night, he’d come back here and try to keep his life running. If he filmed something tonight, he could edit tomorrow night. Get it out of the way so he could forget about it for a few days. He opened Twitter, hoping for inspiration but that’s not what he found. His feed brimmed with speculation about why the royals had stopped letting people in to try and wake Dan. Most believed the protests had been successful, but there were other theories too. Maybe they had found her, the woman Dan would marry, maybe he’d gotten better, maybe he’d gotten worse, and in one small corner of Twitter, maybe #Phaniel was the reason. The video of Phil defending his right to see Dan was everywhere. #Phaniel was still trending. Reluctantly, Phil clicked on one of many video links. 

You could clearly hear him use the word  _ homophobia,  _ just before he threatened to sick his fans on the castle.  _ Shit.  _ You could also hear Dennis call Phil by name and say  _ you know I can’t let you in. _ It was pretty obvious Phil wasn’t a stranger to Dan. And now, thousands of tweets asking Phil what had happened had been ignored all day. It was only one day but that was enough to produce Phaniel videos cutting together footage of Dan and Phil against music about star-crossed lovers, destiny, and dreaming. Photoshopped images of the two of them sent Phil’s heart reeling. They were too close to home, too true. He wished his fans were just a little less savvy. He felt nauseous. The only thing he hated more than being tangled up in politics was having his personal life exposed. Panic began to set in and Phil had to make a conscious effort to steady his breath. His heart beat loud in his ears. Could he ignore this? Deny it? He could say he was on the Isle of Man, he usually turned his phone off when he went there. That wouldn’t satisfy his fans though and he knew that. They wanted an explanation for the video, they weren’t going to fall for a lie. His phone felt like a grenade in his hand and he had no idea how to put the pin back. It vibrated and he jumped, his nerves completely shot after two days of emotional exhaustion.

Louise: How are you holding up?

_ Louise, thank god. _

Phil: Not great. What are you doing right now?

Louise: Headed home to put Darcy to bed but Liam can do that. You want some company?

Phil: God yes.

Louise: 20 minutes

 

Louise didn’t hand out hugs to just anyone. She hated being touched for the most part but Phil had always been the exception. She let herself into the apartment, of course she had a key, and walked toward Phil with open arms. He stood and let his best friend hold him tight. 

“Seeing you three days in a row is quite a treat, Philip,” Louise cooed, “I just wish the circumstances were a bit lighter.”

The doorbell buzzed. “I ordered us pizza. I’ll get it.” Louise ran downstairs.

Phil went to the kitchen for all the necessary things and came back to Louise opening the box.

“That smells amazing. Louise, you truly are the best best friend.” He kissed her cheek and grabbed a slice, feeling his anxiety start to dissipate.

Knowing he didn’t have to explain what was going on was incredibly comforting. Louise had certainly kept up on the drama all day. She’d likely been asked her share of invasive questions about Phil and she had definitely deflected every one of them. 

“Louise, I feel like the wind has been knocked out of me.”

“I know, love.” She watched Phil’s face soften but there was still so much there. “Phil, yesterday you said that you thought you might have loved Dan...”

“Yeah, Louise, that’s a pile of crap. I loved him. I wanted to marry him, I think Dan is the love of my life.” His voice cracked just a bit and he took a bite to swallow it down before it could turn into something more.

“Ok, well this all makes more sense now. Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I don’t know. I signed an non-disclosure agreement. You already knew he'd asked me out so I just kept the details sparse I guess. Plus, you were my favorite drinking buddy then but we weren’t like we are now. We weren’t  _ us.” _

Louise frowned. “Phil, I’m so sorry. Who did you talk to? Like when you broke up. Why did you break up? Oh my god, I have so many questions.”

“I didn't talk to anyone. I couldn’t. It was awful, Lou. I’ve never felt pain like that. I just faked it, you know? And eventually I moved on.”

“Oh Philly. I hate that. I hate knowing you went through that on your own.” Louise had teared up a bit, always the empathetic one, she wiped away the one tear that escaped. “Do you feel ready to tell me about you and Dan?”

Phil was so tired, to the bone, but he’d never told anyone these stories and he needed this right now. He needed the catharsis and the understanding and the love. Louise was the only person he’d let see him like this, so open and vulnerable. Well, Louise and Dan. He told her the beginning and the end. The middle was beautiful and mundane and they didn't have time for that story right now. They laughed a lot and Phil opened a bottle of wine and they cried too. Louise volunteered to tweet in Phil’s place for a few days. Non-committal, cryptic tweets while he was at the castle with his phone confiscated. They both knew it wasn’t a solution but maybe it would hold off the mob for a few days so Phil could have some peace and figure out what to do. 

 

 

* * *

 

 

Phil had kissed the most beautiful boy last night and that boy had kissed him back. All was right in the world. The day started with a sweet good morning text from Dan. That started Phil’s heart fluttering and it hadn’t stopped yet. He called his mum after that because that’s what Phil does when he’s feeling really great. He talked way too fast and laughed too easily. She asked how much coffee he’d had to drink. She asked what he wasn’t telling her and if there was a girl. 

“I’m just having a good day, mum. And no, there isn’t a girl. Can’t a guy just be happy to talk to his mum?” 

“Not  _ this _ happy.” She had said.

 

He went outside because the sun was shining and it seemed appropriate for the romantic comedy montage he felt like he was living in. He had no shame about the extra spring in his step and the permanent smile plastered on his face. At the bakery, Phil giggled and blushed his way through ordering coffee and scones. Leo just grinned and said he was glad it went well. He sat outside, a rare thing for him. He wouldn’t even have minded if a follower came by. The table next to him was empty but someone had left the paper behind. Phil reached over to pick it up, warming at the memory of his first discovery of grown up Dan, looking out at him from the pages of a tabloid just like this one. He paged through, past stories of actors cheating with nannies and pop stars in rehab. This paper was seriously garbage. Just as he was about to toss it aside, the words  _ Royal Love Story pg 9  _ caught Phil’s eye. Half of page 9 was taken up by a photo of Dan, clearly taken without his knowledge, in the garden at Windsor castle. Dan stood about a foot from Iris Spencer, his hand on her waist. He leaned in close to her ear. She wore a wide smile, amused by whatever Dan must be saying. God, Dan looked good. He wore slim slacks and slip on shoes with a little ankle showing. His button down shirt hugged his chest and accentuated his trim arms. Iris looked like she’d coordinated her outfit with his, she looked like garden party Barbie, totally at home in her natural environment.

Phil’s stomach lurched a bit. He knew he had no right to be jealous when he and Dan had only been on two dates. He _was_ jealous though, mostly of the way Iris could just walk in and out of Dan’s life with so much ease, no NDAs, no bodyguards. He was, of course, also jealous of the way Dan’s hand was on her waist and the fact they were sharing something in that moment, something just for them. Rationally, he knew that the photo was out of context, that tabloids lie. That didn’t dull the sting of the words  _ Is this the future queen?  _ at the top of the page. It didn’t make him feel any better about the stark contrast between him and the rest of Dan’s life. Dan would be crazy to choose Phil over what he had in that photo. Maybe he’s just slumming, getting his gay side a little attention before going back to his rich girlfriend. The girl his family loved, the girl from the  _ right  _ kind of family. She has a penthouse and throws catered parties with stylish friends. Phil has pizza and Ribena by candlelight. Dan’s going to be king one day. He won’t be 18 year old Dan; beautiful, passionate, nerdy Dan for long. It’s bigger than them. One day, he would have a queen.

One kiss and Phil had imagined a future with Dan. But it  _ was  _ an amazing kiss, a beautiful kiss. And Dan had been vulnerable and sweet and open. You can’t fake that, right? A kiss like that has got to mean something. Phil wished he could call his mum back and tell her everything, get some advice, but he really couldn’t. He tried to imagine what she might say. She’d say that Dan was lucky to have met Phil and that the royal family don’t have anything on the Lesters. She’d say that if Phil was worried about that photo, he should just ask Dan about it. She’d say that Phil’s heart was very seldom wrong and he should follow it. And she’d be right, she always was, even when she was just a voice in Phil’s head.

So he followed his slightly bruised, mildly frightened, very excited heart. He picked up his phone and texted Dan.

Phil: Can I ask you something?

 

Phil was surprised when Dan responded right away, he figured he’d be busy working on some admirable project.

 

Dan: I’m an open book

Phil: How long were you with Iris Spencer?

Dan: With? I wasn't. Our parents conspired to get us together but we are just friends. I’m not interested in her

Dan: I am interested in you though  


 

Phil felt some small measure of relief but he also had a masochistic desire to know more.

 

Phil: But you dated?

Dan: No, not really. My family invited her to things, functions. We do spend time together, we have all the same friends. Where is this coming from Phil?

Phil: So you never slept together?          

 

Phil regretted it the minute he hit send. That was truly none of his business, he was being petty and jealous and immature.

 

Phil: Shit. Don’t answer that Dan. I’m sorry. I saw a photo in a tabloid and I spiraled

Dan: Ah. Ok. That explains a lot. We did hook up a couple times as drunk teenagers. It was exactly how those things are and it has no bearing on any thing that is happening now.

Phil: What is happening now?

Dan: Me and you are happening now

 

The ache in Phil chest shifted. The jealousy had turned to longing and Phil wished Dan was here so he could wrap his arms around him and chase away any remaining doubt.

 

Phil: Me and you

Dan: Dan and Phil

Phil: Phil and Dan

Phil: Phan

Dan: Phan! :-)

Phil: I ship it

Dan: You remember PJ?

Phil: Yes

Dan: He’s having a party tomorrow night. There will be less snogging and more video games than the last party I took you too. PJ is a big nerd. Come with me?

Phil: Yes

Dan: Yay! His house is on the beach. You are going to love it. It’s in Brighton. Is that ok?

Phil: Is it ok? 

Phil: I’m not sure. Let’s review. You want me to accompany a gorgeous prince to a beach house in Brighton to play video games and eat gluten free artisan pickles?

Dan: I can’t guarantee the pickles.

Phil: Ug. What good are you if you can’t guarantee artisan pickles?

Dan: I’ll think of some way to make it up to you ;)

Phil: *fans self*

Dan: Pick you up at 5? 

Phil: Ok. Come earlier if you want. I miss you.

Dan: I miss you too. See you tomorrow. Xoxo

 

Dan didn’t come to the door, instead he texted Phil to come down. When he climbed in, there was a basket in the center seat, a picnic basket. Dan leaned over and gave Phil a hello kiss. It was so casual, like they’d known each other for ages and this was just the way they greeted each other. Phil’s heart flipped in his chest. “What’s this?” He gestured to the basket.

Dan smiled that wide affectionate smile that Phil was starting to grow familiar with.

“Well, we’ve got at least two hours in this car and I thought it might be nice to have a picnic.”

He opened the basket and pulled out 2 checkered napkins, handing one to Phil. There were tiny sandwiches wrapped in parchment paper and tied with string. Dan pointed at each one and explained what was inside, scrunching his nose in disbelief when Phil said he didn’t like cheese. They ate and laughed about Phil’s picky taste in food and how pizza was the exception to every rule. Dan handed Phil a glass and pulled out a tiny bottle of champagne. There were strawberries and pears drizzled with dark chocolate for dessert.  

“Is this legal? The champagne? In the car?” Phil asked.

“Strictly speaking? No. But I think we’re good.” Dan moved the basket over his lap so he was sitting next to Phil. 

“Buckle your seat belt, Dan.” Phil gave Dan a quick peck on the cheek, eyes darting toward the front seat to see if Dennis was looking.

“Ok, mum.” Dan put a strawberry to Phil’s lips. “Don’t worry, Dennis won’t peek. He promised.”

Phil bit into the berry, letting the flavors spread over his tongue, imagining how it would taste to kiss Dan after this. “You are so romantic. I’ve never had anyone do something like this for me. How are you only 18?”

“I had to do something to thank you for the other night. Plus, I might have a chef at home who helped me put this together.” Dan popped the rest of the strawberry into his mouth. 

They drank champagne and fed each other fruit, sharing sweet chaste kisses between bites. It was absurdly cliche and absolutely perfect. Phil thought,  _ this is it, this is what it’s like to date a prince.  _   


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come say hello on Tumblr @allthephils


	9. Chapter 9

With considerable difficulty, Phil set a red pot on the front seat. Pulling the seat belt out and around, he buckled his rather large house plant in securely. “Shhh, don’t worry Buffy, we’ll be there soon. I think you’re really gonna like Dan.” He gave a few broad leaves a comforting pet before closing the door.

Dennis’s hands gripped the steering wheel and his lip curled in either confusion or disgust. Phil chose to believe the former.

“Morning Dennis!” 

“It’s noon.” 

“That it is.” Even stoic, perpetually irritated Dennis couldn’t put a damper on Phil’s sunny disposition. He’d gotten so much off his chest last night, drank a little too much wine, and had actually gotten enough sleep. He climbed into the backseat, weighed down as he was with stuff, and buckled in. He texted Louise with a reminder to tweet for him occasionally today, then turned his phone off. The temptation to scroll through the #Phaniel tag on the drive was great so he handed his phone over to Dennis before they’d even arrived.  

“Hey Dennis, do you think we can get something to play music on? For Dan. He’s never really been one to sit in silence. And since I can’t have my phone… “

“I’ll see what I can do.”

They parked and made their way toward the operating theatre. Phil’s arm wrapped around Buffy, a full bag pulling on his other shoulder, and another, smaller pot in his free hand. Dennis did not offer to help. Fortunately, he did hold the door open for Phil, who walked in, brimming with optimism, ready to breathe some life into this place. He was surprised to see Danielle, Adriane, and some sort of clergy, all seated near Dan. His heart stopped, his vision narrowed. “Is everything OK?” He blurted, terrified.

“Yes, yes.” Danielle said as she rose and moved toward him. “Everything is fine.” Phil let his breath through, relieved. “We thought we’d bring our prayers bedside today.” He knelt to set down his bag and the small potted cactus, remaining quiet to match the gravitas of the others in the room. Danielle hugged him around the huge plant in his arms and kissed his cheek maternally. 

“We are so glad you’re here, Phil.” He smiled thinly. He’d been excited about today, somehow the weight of all this hovered just above him. He tried to feel guilty for his mood but he couldn’t, figuring this is what hope feels like. 

Danielle ushered everyone out of the room and Phil was left standing awkwardly with Buffy blocking his view. It was just Phil and Dan now, and a guard near the back door, mostly out of sight.

“Hey Dan. Listen I know you like minimalism but this is ridiculous. It’s like a morgue in here.” He swallowed when the reality of that sentence sunk in.  

He found Buffy a home on the ground next to the monitors, where Dan would be able to see her if he woke up and turned his head. Setting his bag on a chair, he pulled out two candles, “It’s gonna smell so good in here, you aren’t even ready. Aromatherapy baby. Ok so, I brought you this one, it’s very dark and mysterious... like you, one might even say edgy. Can you smell it?” He held the candle near Dan’s face. “It smells of Cedar and tobacco, a lot like my grandpa, tbh. And then...Wait for it…” He held the second candle to Dan’s nose. “Sugar cookies! So good. I want to eat it. But I won’t. It’s for you, to remind you of me when I’m not here.” 

He pulled out a tiny glass terrarium on a ribbon, inside were two small succulents and an arrangement of rocks and moss.

“I made this, couple of weeks ago. You didn’t know I was crafty, did you?” He pulled the IV pole closer and hung the planter there. “I’ve had it hanging in my kitchen and I’ve almost knocked it down at least a dozen times. It will be safer here.” 

Phil really wished he could let some sunlight in, but opening the curtains was definitely not going to happen so he strung fairy lights around the window instead. It was the next best thing. 

“I’ve asked Dennis for music, I thought you might like to listen to something. I think he’s on board, hard to tell with that bloke.” Lastly, he picked Loki up off the floor where he had set it down and placed it on the small table against the wall behind Dan’s bed.

“Dan, I’d like you to meet Loki. He’s been very loyal to me for the last couple of years. He’s been close to death many times and always comes back. So I thought he would be good inspiration for you. Also, my beloved plants will need sunlight soon. So chop chop on the waking up, K?”

Phil stood, hands on his hips and admired his handiwork. From his perspective, it looked much better. He pulled up a chair and sat at the bedside, setting his hand atop Dan’s, giving it a soft squeeze. 

“So Dan, how are you?” he laughed. “Sorry I can’t help it. You’re gonna be just fine, you know? You have to be. Lots of people are counting on you and I don’t mean England. I mean Adrian and your mum. It’s not your time yet, there are people here that love you, who haven't had their fair share of life with you yet.” Phil blinked away the sting in his eyes. 

He ran his fingers along the contours of Dan’s hand.  He’d held this hand more times than he could count. It had touched him in ways no one else could. From the moment he first saw Dan, in real life that is, he’d loved these hands. They were big, strong, they looked like they could accomplish things. And he’d come to learn that they could. They could play piano, they could open jars, they could play MarioKart like nobody’s business. And they could bring Phil home just by raking through his hair or touching his cheek. Phil slid his own hand carefully under Dan’s, slotting their fingers together. He watched Dan’s face, half expecting some change but, of course, there was none. 

“Dan, do you remember when you took me to PJs, for that party? We were supposed to be going over there to play video games but all we did was flirt.” Phil smiled to himself. “You dragged me out to the beach, ruined my favorite pizza socks. Well, one of my favorite pizza socks. You were so charming, bringing that picnic, laying on a blanket on the beach. Who does that at 18? I was already so in love with you, as new as we were. Scared the shit out of me.” He chewed his lip, thinking back to that night, shocked at the detail with which he remembered it. 

“And we slept together. Ha ha. Actually slept together. Can’t say I’d ever done that before. Slept with a guy that I was  _ that  _ hot for and just, you know, spooned.” It was the best, like every night I spent with you.” Phil’s heart twisted in his chest and he checked himself. 

“The thing is, there was this raw attraction, chemistry. What I didn’t realize was the friendship we were growing and what that would mean to me, in the grand scheme of it all. I just felt like you saw me. Not AmazingPhil, not Phil younger brother to Martyn, son of Cath, not even Phil the boyfriend. You saw me and you listened and you clearly thought I so weird but you didn’t care. And I saw you too, Dan. Not the future king or the well educated, sophisticated, young man who brings gourmet picnics on long car rides to the beach. But you, Dan, with your dimples and hair that curls by the sea, and a good and generous heart and a real frustration with the way the world seemed to be operating. I didn’t know all the things you had to carry on your back. I didn’t know I wouldn’t be allowed to share that burden with you.” Phil stared down at his hand and Dan’s for quite some time. He listened to the very faint beeping of the heart monitor and eventually, settled in to watch Dan’s chest rise and fall, listening closely to hear soft, slow breaths.  _ He’s asleep, here with me, safe, and he’s going to wake up. He’s just asleep. _

* * *

 

 

They left their shoes at the door in a pile of expensive trainers and took their place at the bend of the huge L shaped orange sofa. _What is it with rich people and sectionals?_ The car ride had them both steeped in romance and they weren’t ready for it to end. They sat cross legged facing each other and continued their conversation, barely taking note of the new environment. PJ and half a dozen friends were lounging on the Persian rug, laughing way too hard at the two players currently battling for the Just Dance championship title. Voices drifted in from the kitchen and the patio but Phil didn’t bother to care who they belonged to. The house smelled of weed and too much cologne. The party swirled around them. Over time Dan’s legs uncrossed and draped over Phil’s, which eventually stretched out and became woven into Dan’s. PJ had brought them glasses of wine, better than Phil had ever tasted. Their free hands rested near each other and Phil absentmindedly traced over every curve and angle of Dan’s fingers. Just Dance became Rock Band became MarioKart. 

“This is Dan’s game!” PJ proclaimed and held a controller out toward Dan who was totally oblivious, lost in the eyes of his date as they whispered and giggled and nuzzled in their own little world. For seconds, they were the center of attention but they had no idea.

“Dan!” PJ barked. 

Dan looked toward him. “What’s up?” still clueless and now very confused at why everyone was laughing under their breath.

“Wow. Get a room you two.” PJ jabbed Dan in the side with a socked foot but he turned his attention back to the object of his affection and flashed PJ a rather offensive hand gesture. PJ scooched over to lean in close to Dan. “Really though, if you  _ want  _ to, you know, get a room, you are welcome to.” He said quietly and gestured toward the hallway.

“Thanks PJ,” Dan squeezed Phil’s hand as his cheeks flamed, “I think we’re ok.”

Phil’s eye were downcast, he was too embarrassed to go back to canoodling despite really wanting to. He felt himself pulled to standing before he knew what was going on. 

“Come on, Phil. Let’s go look at the sea.” Dan grabbed a throw from the sofa and pulled Phil along. 

They hurried outside, Phil protesting the lack of shoes. “It’s rocky!”

Dan scoffed, “Buck up little soldier. It’s not that bad.”

Stepping off the deck onto the rocks, they tiptoed far enough that the party goers hanging outside couldn't see them through the dark and laid out the throw.

“Does PJ mind us taking his blanket? It looks fancy.” Phil sat down, folding his long legs underneath him.

“Nah, it’s all his parents stuff. Plus, we’re saving it from the inevitable sick that would come later.” Dan wrapped an arm around Phil and they snuggled in close. The beach was quiet but for the sound of the ocean and the occasional faint whooping from PJ’s. Dennis wouldn’t like them being out here but he doesn’t have to know. No one would recognize Dan sitting in the sand, it’s too dark and there’s no one on this stretch of beach anyway. They watched the waves crash gently on the shore, well Dan watched. Phil had closed his eyes. Inhaling the scent of the salt air, he settled his head down into Dan’s lap, curled up on his side. He felt fingers combing his hair back, cool air on his forehead.

“You have a nice forehead. Do you ever wear it like this?”

“Not really but if you like it…” Phil trailed off. 

After several minutes of comfortable silence, Dan broke in, “Phil, have you always dated men?”

“I was at Uni, your age, when I started dating boys.” Phil answered, eyes still closed, his voice dreamy. “I shared a dorm with this guy, Jimmy. We were good friends, neither one of us was out, and we confided in each other. You know, that we were gay. One night, we had some drinks, we were watching terrible alien abduction documentaries,” he smiled at the memory, “and he kissed me.”

“Wow.” Dan was rapt, just watching Phil talk.

“It was  _ not  _ a good kiss. We banged our teeth together and it was just a mess. But it felt so much righter than any kiss I’d had before. Righter? There’s a word for you.” He opened his eyes and sighed softly, taken aback by the expression Dan wore. Adoration was the word that came to mind. 

“How long were you and Jimmy together?” 

“Oh, we weren’t. Just the kiss. That gave us both the courage to start dating guys. Jimmy, well, Jimmy was so pretty. But I knew him too well, you know?” It was lovely to be talking about real life with Dan, he felt safe, like he could share anything.

“So you never date girls?” Dan asked.

“Not since then. I’d say I’m 97.9% gay.” a silent laugh shook Phil’s chest and Dan’s dimple made an appearance.

“What’s the other 2.1%”

“Oh. Sarah Michelle Gellar.” He closed his eyes again, just breathing in this comfort.

“I should’ve know.” He hadn’t stopped raking his fingers through Phil’s silky black hair. 

“Phil. I’m really sorry. Hearing you talk about your roommate at Uni just now gave me an irrational pang of jealousy. I can’t imagine how you felt when you saw that tabloid.”

“It’s ok Dan. It’s none of my business.”

“It is though.” Dan’s tone was more serious now. “Obviously, it’s a little complicated with me. There’s probably stories I need to tell you. Eventually.”

Phil reached and placed his hand aside Dan’s neck. “It’s up to you, Dan. I just need to ignore that stuff. You said you aren’t interested in her and I believe you and it’s fine. It’s not that complicated and you are so worth it.”

A few moments later, Phil spoke again, “So, have  _ you  _ been with guys before?”

Dan swallowed, showing his nerves. “I’ve crushed on guys and I’ve kissed a few.”

Phil opened one eye, laughing, “a few? No dating, just  _ kissed a few _ ?!”

“Shut up.” Dan looked away from Phil for the first time in a while. “It was difficult to date at Eton but, yeah, there were... opportunities, for kissing.” He was blushing hard and the moon shone just enough for Phil to catch it. 

“I’m sorry to ask this but just to be clear. You’ve been with women, like sexually, but not guys?” Phil was looking Dan in the eyes now and Dan nodded yes. Phil nodded back slowly and bit his lip. The responsibility of being Dan’s first sexual experience with a man was daunting. Phil had asked him to come home with him after their first date, the thought rushed in and Phil felt guilty. He had certainly been fooled by Dan that night, he’d been so cool, so self assured, but he shouldn’t have assumed and maybe he shouldn’t now either.

Dan gently extracted himself and laid down, in front of Phil. Face to face, they curled up together and kissed. It was a long, breathless kiss that waxed and waned until it faded away. There was a pull in Phil’s heart that he couldn’t ever remember feeling before. He didn't know what it meant, all he knew was that nothing could tear him away from Dan right now. Lulling onto his back he pulled Dan close to his chest, and held him, arms tight around his shoulders. The air grew colder as the night stretched on but Phil just held Dan tighter as his mind drifted. 

“Are you cold?”   
“No.” Dan ran his foot up and down Phil’s calf. “Your socks don’t match.”

“Never.” Phil kissed Dan’s head where the hair had started to curl in the sea air. “Dan, unless we are camping here, we’d better go back. You’re tranquilizing me. I can’t keep my eyes open.”

Without a word, Dan stood and helped Phil up. He shook out the blanket and draped it over his own shoulders, holding one side out for Phil to join. They walked together, sharing their blanket shawl, toward the house.

“Is it ok for people to see us like this?” 

Dan breathed a laugh. “I think it’s too late for secrets. And yes, these people can see us like this.”

They walked straight through the house, ignoring the comments and whistles that followed them till they disappeared down the hall and into an empty guest room.

The blanket dropped to the floor as the door shut behind them and Dan went to brush his teeth in the en suite. “Come on Phil, there’s a whole drawer of toothbrushes.”

“Oh, ok. Are we staying here? Won’t Dennis freak out or something?” He picked out a bright green toothbrush and tore open the packaging.

“He expects it at PJs, he’s right outside, he might come in the house at some point.” Dan mumbled around his toothbrush. “Can you? Stay over?””

Phil was brushing vigorously and had accidentally used way too much toothpaste. Dan rinsed and stared at Phil with wide eyes. Foam surrounded his mouth, dripped down into the sink, and spattered on to the mirror. Phil saw his reflection, paused for a beat, then bared his teeth, vibrating his head as he watched in the mirror. “Mad dog, mad dog!!” He said and growled.

Dan yelped, ducking away from potentially flying toothpaste spit. “Phil! That is disgusting!” But he was laughing and so was Phil as he spit and rinsed his mouth.

Dan grabbed a towel and used it to wipe Phil’s mouth, shaking his head. “You’re such a strange person.” Then he kissed him. Again. He pushed Phil against the wall and leaned his weight on him and kissed him. Something about kissing here in front of the sink, with freshly brushed mouths felt more intimate. It was still soft, still passionate, but it was teasing too. Dan nipped at Phil’s lips and their tongues danced in the space between their mouths. This was a bedtime kiss, it was foreplay. Phil caught his breath.

“Dan. I...” He pushed Dan gently away and willed himself to do the right thing. “I…We aren’t skipping any steps, remember? I want to stay, but just to sleep. With you. Ok?” 

Dan exhaled and nodded. They were sleepy from wine, about to climb into a borrowed bed with a dozen of Dan’s childhood buddies on the other side of the wall. This wasn't the right time and Dan knew it was true though he hated to admit it. 

The bedroom was minimal, the bed huge, covered in soft sheets and a fluffy duvet. They walked to either side like a married couple. Dan started stripping off clothes out of habit, having slept here many times. Phil stood glued to the spot, eyes wide, mouth dropped open. His shoulders slumped as he knitted his brow.  _ Damn. This is going to be torture. _ Phil suppressed a whine but a tiny whimper escaped and Dan looked up. 

“Sorry. Is this ok? I can’t sleep in anything more than pants.”

“Is it ok?” Phil did his best to look calm about  _ Prince Daniel _ standing across a king sized bed in his underwear. Usually, he was just Dan, but every now and then, the reality rushed in. “Yep, totally fine.” He pulled off his own shirt and worked off his jeans. Dan had already seen him like this, but he jumped under the covers as quickly as he could anyway. Dan reached over and turned out the light. 

“Big spoon or little spoon?” Phil asked.

“With you? Definitely little spoon.” Dan flipped over and backed into Phil until every inch of them was touching. Phil wrapped his arm around Dan’s middle. He wanted to pull him closer, impossibly close. The room was cool and the party raged on down the hall. It wasn’t peaceful but Phil had never felt more safe or more content. It scared him.

“Dan?”

“Mmhm.”

“Maybe, you can come over again, for our next date, and you can tell me your stories.”

Dan was already half asleep. “Ok, babe.”

_ Babe? _

“Dan?” Phil whispered but the only reply was slow, soft breaths.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come say hi on Tumblr @allthephils


	10. Chapter 10

Dennis  _ had  _ brought something to play music on, a portable CD player. When he handed it over, Phil had just sort of looked at it, prompting Dennis to call it  _ vintage _ . Phil wondered if he actually owned any CDs but he said thank you just the same. It had a radio so he tuned in the classical    
station and left it playing for Dan when he wasn’t there or when he ran out of things to say. Most days started with a recap of Phil’s morning, then a summary of whatever media Phil thought Dan might be sorry to miss; Bake Off, Game of Thrones, Stranger Things. The kitchen started bringing Phil coffee when he arrived and lunch a few hours in to his visit. A few days, he brought cakes from the bakery by his flat. He’d sit and eat and reminisce, telling their origin story again and again. He always brought a cake for Dan, just in case. 

In the seven days he’d been coming to see Dan, Phil had only seen the family the one time. This was just fine with him. He’d grown accustomed to the ride with Dennis and was so familiar with the other guard, it was like he wasn't there at all. The fervor over Phaniel had died down slightly. This was partly due to the royal family issuing a statement about Daniel showing promising signs due to receiving a new “treatment.” The crowds had mostly dissipated but for a few die hards who showed up every day and made a lot of noise about the curse and giving them their chance. Phil figured none of that was his concern and was happy to leave the politics to someone else. His time with Dan was about keeping him in this almost awake state he was currently in. It was theirs and theirs alone. Today was no different, until, half way through his in depth analysis of the latest Avengers movie, when there was a knock at the door. It was a brief knock followed by an abrupt intrusion. 

“Really, Adrian, knocking? He’s  _ my  _ bloody son, for Christ’s sake!” Prince Walter stormed inside, disturbing the peaceful sanctuary Phil had carefully crafted. Adrian shuffled in behind him, watching his feet. 

“Oh, Hello sir. Hey Adrian.” Phil moved to hug Adrian but stopped short. Water was glaring at him and it seemed it might be best to figure out why. 

“Hello Philip.”

“It’s Phil…”

“What’s all this? You brought plants? I assume you aren’t actually planning to  _ light  _ those candles. You do realize Daniel has no idea any of these things are here?” Walter was unhinged, pacing the room, waving his arms about as he spoke. 

“Well I just thought…”

Walter paid no attention to Phil at all, continuing his tirade over the absurdity of this plan of action. Phil sat down and waited, figuring it was no use to try and interrupt again. He watched Adrian, trying to convey compassion whenever he was able to catch his eye. 

“You’ll need to clean all this up, take it with you when you go.”

“Wait, when I go?” Still no acknowledgement from the prince. “Sir... Sir!” Phil had had enough. He felt for this man, he really did, but he wasn’t going to sit here and be verbally abused for doing what he was asked to do, for being a friend to Dan. “Walter!” Phil barked his name and Walter finally stopped. He turned, his jaw clenched and looked at Phil.

“Beg your pardon, sir, but what do you mean, when I go?” Phil spoke carefully, his tone measured.

“I don’t know what my wife told you, but she’s not herself. We can’t carry on with this charade indefinitely.” Walter’s voice echoed off the walls.

Phil felt like he might be sick but he screwed up his courage. Someone had to stand up for Dan, someone had to be his voice. 

“All due respect, Sir. Your wi- Princess Danielle seemed to be very much in control of her faculties when I saw her. I may not totally agree with her view of what’s happening here but she is his mother…”

“And I’m his father.” Walter interrupted harshly.

“I understand that. And I can’t imagine what this is like for you. But, she’s his  _ mother  _ and she seems to be willing to do whatever is necessary to help him.”

Walter threw his hands into the air and began pacing again. “Yes, we all are Phil, all but you, it seems.” 

There it was. It had crossed his mind a few times over the course of the week, that the family would likely hold Phil responsible because of his unwillingness to buy into the whole curse thing and his refusal to kiss Dan. He knew it would come up but he had hoped Dan would wake up before it had a chance to. 

Adrian tried to help, “Father, that’s really not fair. Phil is the only one who…” He swallowed the rest of his words when Walter held a finger up in his direction. It was the first time Phil had seen them act like a family, a dysfunctional, angry family, but a family. 

Phil did his best to sound sympathetic. “Sir, again, I don’t mean to overstep, but Daniel has been right at the edge of consciousness since I’ve been coming here. If we could just have a little more time together.”

Walter huffed but Phil went on. 

“Do you really believe in this curse? Do you really think a kiss is what he needs? From me?”

Walter raised his chin, looking down his nose at Phil.

“What I _believe_ is irrelevant, Philip. By the time I take the throne, I’ll have one foot in the grave. There are important political ties, negotiations, arrangements, that rely on the relationships that I have personally built. Daniel needs to be there to step in. My heir  _ will  _ survive this and he will take his rightful place in history with a  _ queen  _ by his side.” Adrian stood silent, his lip quivering. It was not lost on Phil that Walter talked like he had one son. One son that was clearly just a pawn in a game to him. “Unfortunately, you seem to be the person Daniel decided to devote himself to. So yes, he needs a kiss. From you. I would do anything if that weren’t so, but it is. So, if you aren’t willing to play your part, then you will need to leave.”

Anger surged in Phil’s veins and he got up, walking to stand a mere foot from Walter. He hadn't noticed before now that he was at least a couple inches taller than him.  _ Try and look down on me now, Walter.  _

“Adrian, would it possible for you to ask your mum to see me?” He stared into Walters eyes as he spoke to Adrian. “And your grandmother?”

Walter looked ready to strangle Phil, “Now you wait. That’s a step too far.”

Adrian had slipped out the door and Walter called after him to no answer.

“You don’t just casually ask for an audience with the queen.” Walter’s fists were clenched. Phil stood tall, inside he shook like a leaf but he faked confidence. 

“I just did.” Phil smiled an artificial smile and Prince Walter walked heavily out of the room, slamming the door behind him. 

As soon as he was gone, Phil slumped into his chair and dropped his face into his hands. He cried, mostly out of residual fear and frustration. 

“No offense but your dad’s kind of a dick.” He said to Dan, then he brushed the curls away from his forehead. He found Dan’s fingers again, linking them with his, like he had been doing at the end of most days. “I wish you could tell me it’s OK. I wish you could tell me what to do.”

 

* * *

  
  
  


They didn’t wake up spooning, they woke up facing away from each other, each clinging to their respective edges of the bed. There was enough room between them for the rest of the party to join. Phil rubbed his eyes and rolled over. Dan was sitting up in bed, phone in hand. 

“Hey, What time is it?”

Dan jumped a little, smiling, so happy to see Phil first thing in the day. “Ten. Dennis is on my ass to get going so we definitely shouldn’t lay down and have a morning snuggle.” By the time the words were out, Dan had tucked a leg between Phil’s and wrapped his arms around his waist.

As he fell asleep last night, Phil had told himself that they needed to have some real conversations before things went any further. He had vowed to keep his hands to himself and not get carried away. But now, he found himself all tangled with Dan once again and all he could do was smile. They’d be on their way soon, what harm could a cuddle do? Dan wriggled against Phil. “I like waking up with you.”

Phil opened his mouth to agree but a knock on the door interrupted him. 

“Sir, you have 3 minutes or I come in.” Dennis was not messing around. Phil jumped out of bed and pulled on his jeans and shirt at record speed. He ran to brush his teeth, Dan laughing behind him. 

“Let him come, what difference does it make?” Dan stretched and took his sweet time getting up and dressing.

The living room was quiet, empty, but for a mess of empty beer bottles and dishes. The food from last night had been pushed to one end of the dining room table but not cleaned up. Dan lead Phil to an empty chair at the end of the table and sat him down. He leaned over and said “You relax, beautiful. I’ll get us coffee.“ He gave Phil a quick kiss and walked into the kitchen. 

PJ sat, peering over his mug which was held to his lips in a perpetual state of almost drinking. He stared at Phil, an inquisitive look in his eyes. “Sleep well lover?”

“Um yeah. Thanks. It’s a big bed, innit?” Well this was weird.

“So tell me, Phil, what are your intentions with my friend?” PJ slurped his tea.

“Um, my intentions? Um, I guess I…”

PJ laughed a raucous laugh and shoved Phil’s shoulder. “Don’t worry ol boy, I’m just toying with you!” The room was quiet enough that Phil could hear the waves crashing outside through the open patio doors. Dan was tapping his toe to some song in his head, waiting on the coffee maker, oblivious. Phil watched him with an involuntary smile on his face. Dan’s shirt was wrinkled and he had terrible bed head, he had pulled on Phil’s socks, and his pinky toe stuck out of the hole that had formed. He had never seen anyone so beautiful in all his life. He’d had crushes, so many, but this feeling he got from just looking at Dan, it was new and big and somewhat overwhelming. PJ hadn’t stopped staring and now he leaned in close, “He really likes you Phil. Like really likes you.” Phil still watched as Dan poured the coffee, whistling.

“Yeah, That’s the impression I get. Don’t worry PJ, I really like him too.”

PJ looked serious, “Yes I know. But Phil, you know it’s not going to be easy, right? Are you prepared for what it might be like to be with Dan?”

Phil considered this, “Well, no. But I feel like this might be one of those things in life, where you just do whatever you have to do.”

Dan set a steaming mug in front of Phil and sat, splashing cream into his own coffee. He was chatting about taking a more scenic route home so he could show Phil more of the coast. Phil was only half listening, he drank his coffee too fast and burned the roof of his mouth. 

There were only a few pairs of shoes by the door now. Phil slipped his on over Dan’s socks and brought Dan’s to him. 

“Oh. Are we in a hurry?” Dan asked.

Phil brought his cup to the sink. “No, I mean, maybe. I do have a few things to do at home.” He was just ready to be out of this place. He wanted a shower and he did not trust himself to take one here. He wanted fresh clothes and even though he liked PJ, he wasn’t in the mood for any more best friend scrutiny right now. 

“Ok, yeah, we’ve been here all night. Of course you’d want to get home. Sorry.” Dan stood and stretched, reaching his arms high above his head. “Thanks for this PJ, it was great.” He put a hand to his chest, “I appreciate you.” PJ walked over and hugged Dan tight. 

“Anytime buddy.” PJ’s hands were on Dan’s shoulders and he looked him in the eye, paternally. “You’re always welcome here... You and Phil are always welcome here.”

Dan smiled widely at that and ducked away to get their jackets, a little embarrassed at the connection. 

“Yeah, thanks PJ, this really was lovely, like a mini vacation.” 

Phil hoped that would be the end of it but PJ pulled him in for a hug and whispered, “I’m glad it’s you, Phil. If he’s gonna fall for someone, you’ll do just fine.”

Those words,  _ fall for someone _ , they danced around Phil’s stomach. Phil was sure of Dan. He was totally unwilling to admit it out loud this soon, but still he was more sure than he’d ever been of anything. He was also really scared, scared that his feelings would grow even more intense, scared that they wouldn’t. And scared that he’d be too much for Dan, that Dan could never possibly feel the way Phil did. But those words, from Dan’s trusted friend,  _ if he’s gonna fall for someone,  _ Phil suddenly felt lighter.

The drive home took a little longer than it should have. Dennis drove along the coast for a bit before jumping onto the main road. It was beautiful. Phil told Dan about the Isle of Man and the time he’d spent there with his family. They stopped for coffee and pastries and settled in for the drive. Phil couldn’t remember being so comfortable doing nothing with anyone before. Usually, he was incredibly nervous being alone with someone he hadn’t known for ages. He usually felt compelled to fill silences before they became awkward but the things he said to fill them only exacerbated things. It wasn’t like that with Dan. He could just coexist with him, no pressure, no pretense. 

It was Dan who broke through the quiet with a question, asked just above a whisper. “Phil, have you ever been in love?”

The answer spun like a tornado in Phil’s mind,  _ Yes Dan, with you, I’m in love with you.  _ It was difficult to form any other words but he managed, “I think so.” 

Dan brushed crumbs off his lap then off of Phil’s. “How long to you think you have to know someone before feeling like that, before you can say you love them?”

Phil thought Dan must be able to hear his heart for how hard it was beating. “Well, I think it depends on the people and how they met and how they spend their time. And anyway, love isn't just about knowing someone, it’s deeper than that. My dad says he knew the first time he saw my mum. He felt it. And look at them now.”

Dan took Phil’s hand and rested his head on his shoulder. 

“Dan, you said there are stories you should tell me.” They were stuck in this car, maybe they should get this stuff out of the way. “No time like the present?”

Phil could feel Dan’s sigh. “Yeah. Yeah, ok. Let’s talk about that. There's stuff about my family, obviously, where do I start? Like, before we met, what did you know about me?”

“Um, well, I grew up watching the Christmas specials with my mum. I lost interest once I got a Tamagotchi. No offense.”

“None taken.”

“Funny, but I rediscovered you just a few months before we met.” Phil said, casually, not realizing the implication. He sipped his coffee.

“Wait. You  _ rediscovered me?  _ A few months ago? What does that mean?” Dan had lifted his head and now he was looking right at Phil.

Phil tried to hide his fluster. “Oh, I just exposed myself, didn’t I? Shit. My friend Louise is like a total fangirl for you, but I never really paid attention. And then I saw your photos, when you left Eton. That’s all. There’s no story.”

“Oh no you don’t. There’s always a story. What do you mean you saw my photos? Where?” Dan’s voice had gone high pitched.

“In a tabloid, they published your photo, in your Eton uniform, with the pink socks.”

Dan laughed and Phil continued, getting lost in the memory.

“And you were looking straight at the camera. You looked so...cool. Just enigmatic and fucking cool. I bought it, first one I’d ever bought,  _ only  _ tabloid I’ve ever bought. I didn’t read a word, just ripped out that photo and…” He trailed off. Phil wondered why his filter always showed up a few seconds too late when he was around Dan.

Dan looked scandalized in the best possible way. “And? Phil Lester, you spill right now. You ripped out the photo and what? What did you do with my photo, Phil?”

Phil’s cheeks turned a deep red. “I just, I just kept it.” He cleared his throat. “ In my nightstand.”

“In your nightstand!?” Dan had Phil by the shoulder and was shaking him back and forth while Phil struggled not to spill his coffee. “Oh my god. You wanked to me. You wanked to me! This  _ is  _  illuminating. How often? How many times? Sorry, sorry, none of my business, but how often?”  

Phil covered his face with his hand and pulled his knees up, willing the earth to open up and swallow him immediately.

 

He peaked through his fingers, looking to see if Dennis had heard. Mercifully, there was music playing in the front seat and it he didn’t seem to be paying attention. He put his forehead on his knees and hid.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to embarrass you.” Dan lowered his voice. “Honestly Phil, that’s hot. I’m flattered. Maybe that’s not the appropriate response, I don’t know. Really though, it’s kind of sweet.”

At that very strange assessment, Phil lifted his eyes, raising his brows. “Sweet?”

“Yeah.” Dan breathed a laugh. “You know, when I saw you in that bakery, you were like something... from a dream. My brain was like,  _ hey there he is. There’s the guy.  _ It was like I’d been looking for you, without knowing I’d been looking for you, and then I found you.” 

Phil wasn’t sure he was breathing to he put a hand to his chest to be sure. “Dan.” He said.

“I winked at you because I couldn’t stop and I was nervous and my default defense mechanism is to try and look cool.”

“That wink,” Phil shook his head, “that wink stayed with me.”

“I thought of you all that night.” Dan continued. “I couldn't get your face out of my head. It’s a good face.”

“I thought of you too. It was your hands though. I couldn’t get your hands out of my head.” Phil’s heart beat with the memory of that starstruck thrill.

“My hands? You went home after I winked at you and thought about my hands?”

“Yeah. I did.” Phil wasn’t hiding anymore and Dan wasn’t laughing. They were breathing in sync and talking low, tension building with every confession. “I took the picture of you out of the drawer but I’d seen you in real life and I had that wink and your dimples and your hands. So I didn’t need it.”

Dan swallowed, he set his hand on Phil’s thigh, just above his knee, and rubbed his thumb slowly back and forth. “Didn’t need it for what, Phil?” 

That was all Phil could take, he didn’t care about Dennis anymore. He couldn’t remember all the good advice he’d given himself. All he knew was the hand on his leg and those lips he couldn’t take his eyes off of. He leaned in, closing the space between them, and they kissed. It was a slow, deep kiss, not unlike their first but more knowing, they’d learned each other some. They ran fingers through each other’s hair, Phil's hand roamed over Dan's back, then Dan’s hand moved. It moved up Phil’s thigh and inside between his legs before Phil’s hand flew down to stop it. Dan pulled away, apologizing, and Phil took his face in hands. 

“Dan, you are not making this easy.” Phil tried to steady his breath.

“I’m trying to make it easy,” Dan muttered, his eyes half closed.

Phil shook his head and smiled at Dan, taking his hand and settling back in to his seat.

“You’re the one that said we shouldn’t skip any steps.” He said, gently.

Dan leaned back and let his head roll to one side. “I know, I know. You’re right. I’m just... _ very  _ ready for the next step, Phil.”

“Ok good cuz the next step is talking.” 

Dan stuck out his bottom lip. “You’re no fun.” Phil just held his hand tighter.

 

When the car pulled up, Dan looked to Dennis. “I’m gonna walk Phil in, ok?” Dennis gave a disapproving snarl in the rear view mirror. Leaning forward over the seat, Dan pleaded, “Please Dennis, I’ll go up the stairs, say goodnight, ten minutes. Fifteen tops.” Dennis rolled his eyes but nodded.

They rushed inside and up the stairs, holding hands. As soon as they stepped into the lounge, Phil turned and pulled Dan in, kissing again, filling every second they had. A gasp game from the sofa and they both jumped, splitting apart.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry!” Louise moved her laptop from her lap and jumped up in her stocking feet. She stood and curtsied deeply, looking at the rug. 

Phil laughed. “Louise, what are you...get up you goof.”

Louise’s face matched the shade of her hair, pink. “But you’re the… You’re prince Daniel. Oh my god, Phil.” 

“Seriously, you don’t have to do that for me.” Dan put his hand out, “You must be Louise, I’m Dan.”

She laughed a low maniacal grumble of a laugh. She couldn’t contain herself. They shook hands and she gave Phil a hug and a wide eyed, open mouthed look of wonder.

“I assume you didn’t get my text?”

Phil pulled out his phone and read, “In your hood, two hours to kill before my next meeting. Wanna hang?” then, “I’m coming over to drink your coffee and rest my tush on your sofa. See you soon.”   

Louise shrugged, “You didn’t answer so... I still have the key from when you went to that thing in Australia.”

“It’s totally fine, I wasn’t paying attention to my phone.” Phil said. Dan bit back his grin and shifted his feet, avoiding eye contact with a blushing Louise. They all stood silently until Louise burst out with, “Oh! I’ve got to uh...use the toilet...I’ll probably be a while in there...so take your time.” She sprinted out of the room. 

Dan started to say that he thought Louise was a hoot, but his mouth was occupied before he could finish. It was a chaste kiss, soft and pressing. Phil held him there for just long enough then closed his eyes, their foreheads touching. “Goodnight Dan. Next time, more steps.”

Dan nodded. “Goodnight wonderful Phil.”

“Actually, it’s AmazingPhil.” Phil’s crooked lips pulled up at one corner.

“Yes, yes it is. I’ll text you.” He turned to leave but stopped and said, “Phil, I’m not gonna see anybody else, OK? Just you, I just want you.”

“I just want you too.” Phil beamed.  

Dan’s dimples dug in deep and he tripped on his own feet a little. Then he was gone. Within moments, Louise was there, smacking Phil on the shoulder.

“PHIL! Oh. My. God. Why are you coming home right now? Where did you sleep last night? What the hell is going on? I want details now!”

Phil plopped down onto his sofa. “Louise, he’s 18, he’s just a mass of pent up sexual energy. It’s so hard to resist.”

“So don’t! Are you mad? Help the poor man out!”

“I need a shower.” he saw Louise’s look, “it’s not like that! We went to a party, we didn’t do anything. I just didn't shower over there, that’s all.” 

“Ok, dollface. I’m sorry, I’m just so bloody excited for you. He’s the prince for cripe’s sake. And he is lush, that arse alone.”

  
“Louise!”

“Sorry sorry sorry. I’ll be heading out before you get out of the shower so thanks for the use of your sofa and for introducing me to your boyfriend.” She shimmied her shoulders and began gathering her things. 

“He’s not my boyfriend, oh my god. Good bye Louise.” He walked toward his room.

Louise called after him, “Bye Philly, remember the little people when you’re royalty!”

Phil slipped off his shoes and shuffled to his dresser, looking down at his feet in Dan’s socks. Smiling, he walked back to the door, then back to the dresser, watching his feet all the way. He could almost pretend Dan was walking with him and he loved it. He undressed for the shower, leaving the socks for last. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come say hi on Tumblr @allthephils


	11. Chapter 11

As the day wound down, no one came. The next day, Phil wondered if Dennis would show. He wondered if he’d ever be allowed back there. Dennis did come though and the day proceeded as usual, with no interruptions. Still, as Phil wandered the room, watering the plants, a knot of nervous energy grew in his stomach. He’d grown fond of his strange new normal, but any minute, it could all be taken from him. He could lose this little home away from home. He’d put energy in to this, he’d put love into it, and it hurt to think of walking away. He still assumed Dan would wake up but now he wasn’t sure he’d be here to see it. Then there was a small dark corner of his mind that questioned his own assumptions. The curse could be real. It absolutely could be and Phil may be the only answer for Dan. His feelings were complicated enough without this responsibility. Add fear to that and he ached for Dan, in a way that he hadn’t in years. He didn’t know what to make of it. He paced the room, quieter than he had ever been, trying to remember the last 5 years. They’d been full of accomplishments and memories but it all seemed to fade to the background. 

He inventoried his romantic history, trying to make sense of the magnitude of emotion he was experiencing now. Online dating never yielded more than one or two dates. There had been hook-ups, nothing to write home about, mostly with people he met at industry parties. There had been the time he ran into Jimmy at the garden center. It was just a few weeks after the break up and Jimmy was familiar and pretty and kind. He’d invited Phil to see his new place and one thing led to another. Phil had cried in Jimmy’s arms afterward. Of course, Jimmy was lovely and understanding but Phil had been so mortified, he never called him after that. 

Then there were the relationships. Michael was a friend of Phil’s manager. He was beautiful, funny, confident, and he adored Phil from the start. He loved him with an intensity Phil just couldn’t match, however hard he tried. Phil ended it after a year, telling Michael he deserved better. Michael didn’t agree. Breaking his heart put Phil off dating for a while. The next time was only last year. Phil had loved Sebastian, he really had. All his friends loved him too. He felt the relationship grow around him, watching Sebastian get comfortable and make plans. He just couldn’t see a future with him though. Phil’s family didn’t get it, it all seemed to be going so well. Even Louise didn’t understand but she was supportive anyway. The thing was Phil couldn’t really see himself with anyone. He broke it off after 8 months. It didn’t seem that unusual at the time. Now, here with Dan, he had to wonder if his inability to fall deeply in love was because his future was already written. Maybe he had never truly let go of Dan. 

There was Dan and Phil at the start and there was Dan and Phil now. What came between felt out of focus. If you had asked him a couple weeks ago, he would have said that 5 years is a long time. Now it was a flash. Back then, he’d known that the depth of feeling between he and Dan was irrational for a relationship that lasted only months. He had believed in love though, with his whole being, and he trusted that these things are bigger that two people. He had believed they were meant to be. Now that everyone else agreed, he was frightened. This situation was manipulative. It had shaped and molded Phil’s heart and mind into something he recognized from all those years ago. He couldn’t be sure which pieces were genuine and which were nostalgia. He couldn’t be sure if what he felt was love or fear or if there was even a difference.

 

That night he lay in bed, contemplating what he’d do if they told him he couldn’t come back. There had to be a way around this. He texted Louise.  _ Hey Lou, sorry it’s so late. I’m scared Lou. Prince Walter definitely doesn’t want me there. I don’t know how much longer he’s going to let me come. _

Louise answered immediately, of course.  _ You know you can text me anytime Phil. That man is an absolute bell end. I’m with you. Let’s just take it day by day. Try to get some sleep love. _

 

* * *

 

 

“Hello?” What a strange thing, answering the phone.

A sigh came from the other end. “Hey.”

“Hey Dan. Everything ok?” 

“Yeah, I just wanted to hear your voice.” He sounded exhausted.

Phil warmed at the sweet thought of Dan making an actual phone call to hear Phil talk. 

“I’m really sorry I’ve been so busy. I may have bitten off more than I can chew. All these projects add up to a full-time job. I miss summer.” Dan said, glumly.

“That’s ok. I understand. Besides I saw you three days ago.” Phil really did miss him but this slower pace was probably a good thing. His heart had been rolling downhill, picking up speed, ever since that first wink. He was grateful for the time alone, to work and consider what exactly all this was. 

“Was that only three days ago? Huh. Feels like longer. Anyway these lunch dates, they just aren’t enough.” 

“I don’t know, it’s kinda romantic, our stolen hours together. I’ll take anything you can give me.” And he would. Phil would run away with Dan today if he asked or take only the thin scraps left of him after everyone else in his life got first pick. 

“I know you will. You’re amazing, but you deserve better.” Dan sounded frustrated, almost defeated.

“Are you kidding me? Better? Dan, the hour I spent eating lunch with you the other day was the highlight of my whole week. What’s going on? What’s happened?”

“Nothing new. I’m just tired of having my life designed for me.” 

Phil wished he had any idea what that was like. He didn’t know how to help. “You’ll get some freedom at university, won’t you.”

Dan mumbled, “fuck university. It’s just the beginning of the end.” There was silence on the line. Phil didn’t dare respond to that. Finally, Dan spoke, “I miss you Phil. I want to introduce you to my brother. I want to take you places.”

“You have taken me places.” 

“I want to be alone with you, really alone.” Dan said, lower, obviously trying not to be heard.

“I know. I want that too.” Phil closed his eyes.

“I have to attend some meetings with my father, which means I’m trapped at bloody Windsor for the week, then this stupid benefit party on Halloween.”

“Oh. Ok.”

“Promise me I can see you after that?” Dan asked.

“I promise.”

“I have to go. I’ll text you when I can get away from Prince Vlad.” 

 

Days went by without a text. Dan had told Phil about his father . He was a taskmaster, idle hands are the devil's workshop and all that. Phil didn’t want to get Dan in trouble but he missed him and he was a little scared from his Halloween week movie watching habits. Mostly, he just really wanted Dan to know that he was thinking about him. When it was late enough that he assumed Dan would be alone, he sent a message.

**Phil** : Just thinking about you, wanted you to know. I hope you are having an ok time.

**Dan** : Phil. Thank god. How is the real world?

**Phil** : I watched some freaky horror anime and I wasn’t scared watching it but now I’m sat in my room with the light on and I think I’m just gonna have to sleep like this.

**Dan** : Lol. I wouldn’t be any help at all if I were there. I’m a complete coward. 

**Phil** : I still wish you were here.

**Dan** : Me too.

**Phil** : Are you feeling any better?

**Dan** : Better than what?

**Phil** : Than the last time we talked?

**Dan** : I don’t know. I’ve just been focused on work.

Phil had a a question nagging him, running through his head all day. He typed it fast and hit send before he could change his mind.

**Phil** : What did you mean when you said that uni was the beginning of the end?

**Dan** : Just that, after uni, there are expectations. No one cares what I do right now, as long as they still believe I’ll end up where I’m supposed to.

**Phil** : Where you’re supposed to?

**Dan:** Married

Phil stomach turned.

**Phil:** To Iris?

**Dan:** That’s their pick yes. 

**Phil:** So I’m just your gap year then?

**Dan:** What? No.

…

…

Phil watched the dots, waiting for a reply. Instead the phone vibrated in his hand.   


"Hey." Phil huffed.

"Phil, listen..." 

Phil cut in, unleashing all the thoughts he'd been carrying, “This is why I wanted to talk. But we just kept kissing instead and then I guess I decided I didn’t care. But I do, Dan. You’re not interested in Iris but that doesn’t mean you aren’t promised to her. Uni will come and you’ll leave and then after you’ll have to get married or whatever. England’s not ready for a gay king. And I just wanted to know all of this before I let myself admit all these things I’m feeling. And now  _ fucking Iris _ is your future and I can’t even dream of a future with you, but I never should have to begin with because it’s all so new.” He took a deep shaky breath, “But it feels so real.” 

“Phil.” Dan was practically whispering, hiding in his bathroom with the fan on, desperate for privacy. “It is real. It is. And it doesn’t matter who I’m promised to. They won’t force me to marry.”

“They won’t?” Phil squeaked out.

“No. It’s complicated, but let’s just say, I have an out.” Dan spoke slow and soft, doing his best to reassure Phil. “They wanted me to bring her as my date to the benefit and I said no. I said I wouldn’t string her along anymore. She knows how I feel, please don’t blame her for any of this. She’s actually really smart, incredibly strong, and she’s been a decent friend to me. Her life has been mapped out since before she was born, just like mine has. She is doing the best she can with the options she’s been given. My parents don’t even really know her, she’s just from the right family is all.”  

Phil’s breath had steadied, the initial flood of emotion subsiding. “And what would your parents think of me?”

Dan sighed heavily. “They don’t need to know about you. You’re none of their business.”  

This did nothing to assuage Phil’s fears. He was quiet.

“Phil, when the time comes, I will tell them about you. I’ll tell everyone. I swear.” He sounded frightened, whispering and rushed. Phil wished he could take back every word and just wrap his arms around Dan. “It’s just going be hard, mostly on you. I just want to keep you to myself for a bit longer, ok? I haven’t even decided what I want to do for the next few years, for uni. You are the only thing I’m sure about right now. Please don’t doubt this. I know it’s new, but I...we’ve come this far. Please trust me.”

Embarrassment took hold now that Phil was calm. This was exactly what he had been trying to avoid, too much too soon. “I trust you. Of course I do, I’m sorry. You must think I’m crazy, saying all that. You probably want to get off the phone.”

“Phil, do you not hear me? I feel exactly the way you do. It’s fast but it’s real. I’m not scared, Phil. I’m not going anywhere.”  

They kept talking, in hushed tones, easing into normal conversation They talked about what Phil had planned this week, about the food at Windsor castle, and about Dan’s brother and how his voice was cracking. They talked until Phil was nodding off. Their goodbyes lingered, dancing all around the words they both wanted to say. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come say hi on Tumblr @allthphils


	12. Chapter 12

Dennis was different this morning. He seemed troubled, a subtle difference from stoic, but clear to Phil.

“Hey Dennis, How you holding up?”

Dennis kept his eyes on the road. “I’m fine, just fine.”

“Ok, you look, uh, worried. And well, you never look worried so that makes me worried. So, um, are you worried?”

“No, not worried, just tired.” Dennis replied flatly.

Phil gave up and watched the scenery go by, quietly chewing his lip the rest of the trip.

 

He settled into the chair next to Dan. His usual sunny disposition was hampered by lack of sleep and the tension that Walter had brought into the room but didn't seem to take back out with him.

“Hi Dan. I missed you.” He sat and listened as Chopin played softly from the radio. He didn’t feel like reminiscing. The story unfolding right now felt like enough. So he sat and held Dan’s hand, just held it, and watched him, knowing they were on borrowed time. When he heard the knock, he braced himself for anger, hostility, aggression, but there was nothing. No one came in. He stood and walked to the door, opening it. Princess Danielle, stood, a smile on her lips. She was the antithesis of those things. She was patience and strength, and love. She passed Phil and stood next to her son.

“Hello darling.” She stroked his forehead and leant down to press her cheek to his. When she turned back to Phil, her arms were open. They hugged and Phil pulled up a second chair.

“Adrian told me you asked for me. I’m sorry I couldn’t come sooner.”

The shadows under Danielle’s eyes revealed an exhaustion that Phil could not fathom. He was sorry for asking her to come here. He wanted to get her a blanket and some tea. She should be the one sitting here with Dan, talking in her soothing voice, telling him tales from his childhood.

“Danielle, I’m so sorry to have bothered you, I’m not sure I know what I expected you to do. I guess, well, I was angry. The Prince, he, he was...”

“An intolerable prick?”

Phil stifled his shocked laugh.

“He’s hurting, just like me. Just like you. Unfortunately, he’s a right arse who was raised by a right arse and he can’t see past his own face. He won’t come around, Phil. He won’t. This family is ranked, in all the public ways you know, and in so many private ways you don’t. I am very low in the ranks, I just don’t have a lot of power here. But believe me, he’s my son, and he wouldn’t be lying there if I hadn’t… Well, I’m not giving up.”

Phil reached over and took Dan’s hand, like he always does but never had in front of anyone. Danielle’s eyes settled there, on their hands. “I’ve seen you, on the cameras.”

“The cameras?” Phil asked, confused.  
“The security cameras.” She pointed to the corners of the room. “I don’t sit and watch them, don’t worry, but sometimes, Adrian and I do have a look, to see him. Coming in here was too hard before you came. So we just prayed, I felt I had to. But when I needed to see that he was still here, I would watch.”

Phil felt a little sick. Of course there were cameras, he had to have known that. He just didn’t think about it. This space was so intimate to him and knowing they’d been watched in those moments. The hand holding, the tears, the waltzing around the room, he felt invaded. Oh god, had she heard his stories?

“So you heard the things I said to him?” Phil asked, mortified.

“No, no, there’s no sound. But Phil, I could see the way you treat him. Tender, kind. What _are_ your feelings for Danny, Phil?”

Hearing her call him Danny made Phil weak. It somehow brought him back to the sweetest of days. His eyes stung and he coughed. “I’m not sure. I hadn’t seen Dan in years before all of this. I care about him, but I don’t know that it goes deeper than that.” He wasn’t lying, he really didn’t know. He had feelings for Dan, but were they friendship, affection, obligation? He had no idea.

“Hmm, well, you certainly have shown him a great deal of care, setting up this room, leaving everything behind to come here. When’s the last time you spent all day offline, every day for a week?”

Phil shrugged, she had a point. But surely he’d do that for a friend in real danger. He watched Dan’s face as she spoke, hoping his mother’s voice would comfort him somehow.

“I see how you look at him, like he’s you’re whole world. I imagine it will come to you in time. But, I’ve learned that’s not for me to say.”

Sitting here across from Dan’s mother, Phil felt he had nearly as much to lose as her. The conflict and confusion began to sort into neat rows of love and affection and devotion. He wanted to tell her, to tell Dan, but he knew he couldn’t trust this version of himself.

“Danielle,” he began carefully, “what would that even mean? To Dan’s future, to your family? Would the queen give her blessing, hypothetically, to a marriage like that?”

Danielle’s eyes searched Phil’s. “The queen is a complicated woman. She comes from a different time. Walter has a great deal of influence over her now that his father is gone. I’m just not sure Phil.” She sighed, tired. “But whatever you decide, whatever he decides, you have my blessing. I just want him to be happy, loved. To live a rich and full life. I don’t give a rat’s arse about the throne or which of my children sit on it. I don’t truly believe Daniel wants to be king anyway. Besides, I think Adrian would make an excellent monarch. when he’s grown and his time comes. I think he’d tell his father’s political allies where to put their agreements.”

Phil smiled at her. More and more, he could see where Dan got his rebellious streak.  

She continued, “If Daniel _wants_ to marry, it should be for love. The countess, Donata, she tried to save us from ourselves. We were just too stubborn to admit that we are miserable. I’ll never forgive myself for asking Danny to deny who he is, to marry for show and politics.” Her voice cracked and she wiped a tear from her cheek. Phil rushed to the table where he’d stashed a box of tissues a few days ago. Taking the tissue, she dabbed her eyes, then stood on tiptoe to kiss Phil’s forehead.

“You’re a brave and honorable man, Philip. I would be proud to call you my son. I’d be honored to sit with your mother at her table.

Phil embraced Danielle, thanking her. As the door closed behind the princess, he collapsed back into his chair but he didn’t take Dan’s hand. Instead he slowly rested his head on Dan’s chest, feeling him breathe. He could just see his eyes darting back and forth behind the lids. He closed his own eyes and let the fatigue of the last few days set in.  

 

* * *

 

 

Phil showered and slipped into skeleton pajamas and his haunter T shirt. He wore one pumpkin sock and one bat sock. He sent Dan a happy Halloween message and went to make himself some food, leaving his phone on the sofa. He did not expect a response. Dan would be shaking hands and hitting talking points, too busy to be texting his boyfriend who was currently microwaving leftover pad thai. Phil popped in the Shining and settled into the sofa to eat, glancing at his phone. Turns out Dan wasn’t too busy.

**Dan:** Why am I here? This is the worst party ever.

**Phil:** Yes but it’s for a good cause, right? What’s the cause?

**Dan:** Childhood Leukemia

...

**Dan:** Well now I sound like a dick.

**Phil:** Lol You really do.

**Dan:** OK, I just think we could all give our £3000 per plate directly to childhood leukemia

and stay home and watch scary movies with our beautiful boyfriends.

**Phil:** Now you’re talking

**Dan:** I wish you were here. Or I was there.

**Phil:** I wish you were here, with me, under this blanket.

My sofa is cozy and I’m about to watch Jack Nicholson try to murder his family.

**Dan:** That sounds so romantic.

**Phil:** You really were made for me.

**Dan:** <3<3<3 I believe that to be true. I have to go pretend I know what I’m talking about.

Enjoy your movie. I’m crazy jealous but whatever. xoxo

**Phil:** Break a leg! Xoxoxoxo

**Dan:** Tomorrow, I expect you to turn every one of those xs and os into the real thing.

**Phil:** Every one? Wait…

...

**Phil:** xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

**Dan:** So many kisses! I can’t wait.

**Phil:** The first row is for your lips.

**Dan:** What about the second row?

**Phil:** ;)

**Dan:** Fuck

**Phil** : Now go save the children

**Dan** : sigh

 

The credits rolled to the familiar tune of Midnight, the Stars, and You. Phil hummed along as he went to the kitchen to clean his dinner mess. A sound broke through his crooning and he turned off the water. He wasn’t sure if he was just jumpy from the movie or if his heart was beating this fast because he had actually heard a knock. He froze and listened and nearly jumped out of his skin when it started again. Serious, determined, loud knocking. He ran down the stairs, feeling like he should have brought some sort of weapon, a knife from the kitchen or a vase like they do in movies.

“Who is it?”

“Candygram sir.”

_Dan._ Phil threw the door open and Dan rushed inside and up the stairs.

“Oh my god Dan you nearly gave me a heart attack! My heart is beating so fast. Feel.” He grabbed Dan’s hand and placed it over his heart.

Dan feigned a grave expression and said “that’s concerning.”

Phil laughed with relief and surprise. “What are you doing here? What are you wearing?”

“It was a costume party, I’m a bear.” Dan was out of breath as well.

Phil just raised his eyebrows in disbelief.

“Oi, fuck off. You aren’t getting the full effect. The makeup was professionally done, very impressive. I washed most of it off at the tube station.”

“Wait. You took the tube? Is that safe for you?”

“Definitely not.” Dan said, shaking his head.

“Why didn’t you text me, I would have met you.” Phil couldn’t believe this was happening.

“I ditched my phone. That’s how Dennis tracks me so I left it on the front desk at a hotel across the street from the benefit. They’ll put it in the lost and found. Usually I’d ditch it somewhere farther away but I didn’t wanna take the time.”

“Wow Dan, I’m impressed.”   

Dan shrugged, “It’s not my first rodeo.”

Dan was here, in Phil’s flat. They were truly alone for the first time ever, no friends, no Dennis. Phil suddenly had all sorts of ideas. Dan, on the other hand, just looked very uncomfortable. He was wearing furry pants and still had quite a bit of make up smeared on his face.

“Do you want to take a shower? To get all that makeup off?” Phil asked, trying to sound casual at the mention of Dan getting naked.

“Oh my god, yes. I’m so gross under this weird fursuit. Mum thought it would be so cute to dress as a bear. People remember me being called that as a child. I regret everything. I should have been something simple, like a vampire.”

“Ooh, vampires are hot.”

“Alright Buffy, take it easy. I’ll be quick.” Dan rubbed his blackened nose against Phil’s, leaving a smudge, and pecked his lips.

Phil gathered clean pants, joggers, and a his Sunnydale High t-shirt. He stacked them all neatly on a clean towel and walked into the steam filled bathroom.

“Here’s some comfy clothes and a fresh towel.” Phil said, keeping his eyes averted. He went to his room and sat on  the edge of the bed, tapping his foot nervously. He thought about dimming the lights and lighting candles, he thought about putting on music or pouring them some wine. In the end, he just chewed his cuticle, too excited to make a move. He heard the water turn off, then Dan’s shuffling steps. He appeared in the doorway and Phil’s breath caught in his chest. He hadn’t put on the clothes Phil had left. He stood with just a towel around his waist, biting his lip, his eyes boring into Phil’s, searching for a reaction.

Phil’s shoulders dropped, his body softened. Seeing Dan like this should have turned him on and he knew it soon would. But now, he just felt comfort and adoration. Phil had seen his body before, briefly, but this was something else entirely. Dan stood exposed, his eyes questioning, all that tanned skin glowing. His feet were bare on Phil’s carpet, his hair damp and curly, like it had been that night at the beach. That was the closest they’d ever been to alone, and now, that same sense of intimacy sat warm in Phil’s chest and grew overwhelming. He felt a lump in his throat and struggled to swallow it down, afraid of what Dan might think of him if he got emotional right now. Drawn as he was to Dan, he stood and walked to him.

“If this is too much, I can get dressed.” Dan said, timidly.  “We can watch a movie. But I don’t want to… get dressed.”

Phil slid his hand behind Dan’s neck and pulled him into a kiss. It was practiced, easy, they knew this now. Kisses had been all they’d had and they’d perfected the exchange, the push and pull, the move from soft and sweet to passionate to hot and wet. This kiss stayed sweet though, lingering in that moment just before the breathing gets heavy and the hands start to roam. Phil pulled away, his body starting to catch up to his heart.

He shook his head quickly. “Don’t get dressed.” Phil pulled Dan in now, holding him close, feeling his soft skin under his hands. He felt joy like childhood and he wasn’t sure how his small room was holding it all. Dan rested his head on Phil’s shoulder and held him just as tight.

“Are you ok?” Dan breathed into Phil’s neck and a shiver rolled through him.

“Yeah, I’m ok. You feel so good in my arms like this. It’s a lot.” Phil didn’t know how he would ever let go.

Dan nodded and whispered, “I want to tell you something.”

Phil wrapped his arms tighter, pressing his lips to Dan’s neck, just above his collarbone. Dan gasped and Phil parted his lips to taste with the tip of his tongue, his teeth lightly grazing and pulling at the skin. Dan’s words failed him but the soft moan he let out was enough. Phil’s hands skimmed over Dan’s back, his fingers slipped beneath the towel, knocking it to the ground. Phil reached behind Dan for the switch on the wall and now the only light streamed in from the hall. Silhouetted in Phil’s dim room, the angles softened. Phil wanted to forget where he ends and Dan begins.

“Let’s get into bed.” Phil took Dan by the hand and heard him murmur through a long slow breath.

“Fucking finally.”  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave a comment or come say on Tumblr @allthephils


	13. Chapter 13

Phil was awoken by a hand on his back. It was Dennis. Apparently, he’d been asleep for hours. He lifted his his head and drool stretched from the corner of his mouth to the wet spot on Dan’s uniform. Phil wiped his mouth and looked up Dennis, bewildered. It always took Phil time to fully wake up. 

“Hey sleeping beauty.” Dennis said dryly. “The sun’s gone down, let’s head out.”

“Oh. Yeah. Can you give me a minute?” Phil stood and stretched. He couldn’t believe he just fell asleep like that, draped over Dan. Then again, he could totally believe it. He was exhausted after all and Dan made him feel safe in spite of the circumstances. He stretched and said his goodbyes, brushing Dan’s cheek with the tips of his fingers, lingering long enough to remember this. The drive home was long. Excitement and anticipation had been replaced with exhaustion and trepidation. 

“Bye Dennis, I’ll see you tomorrow.” Phil said, emphasis on  _ I’ll see you tomorrow.  _ Dennis gave a half hearted grunt in response. It was not the least bit comforting. The climb upstairs to his flat felt like to much. His legs felt heavy, exhausted but pumped with adrenaline. His skin ached for Dan, to touch him, to feel him breathe, to feel him move and rise up, wake up. He let himself in an grabbed a box of cereal to snack from. The lounge was too exposed so he headed up to the cave of his bedroom, He chucked off his clothes and climbed under the duvet, pulling his laptop onto his lap. 

Phil promised himself he’d avoid social media, let Louise handle it. He didn’t need to add any layers to this already complex situation. It wasn’t difficult to do when things were good. Now that his time with Dan felt tentative, the battle was harder to fight. The support of his subscribers would mean a lot right now. It’s a minefield, he knew it was, but he couldn’t stay away. Just a peak, a quick scroll. Twitter was mostly fans asking for a video. Louise had tweeted on Phil’s behalf that he was away with family, taking a little hiatus. No one bought that of course. The video of Phil at the gates was still making the rounds and the ship. Of course, the ship. Phil couldn’t help but laugh at the tag, #phaniel. He and Dan had called themselves Phan. It rolled off the tongue so much better. He was a little disappointed in his viewers. The discourse was pretty heated though it didn’t seem to reach beyond his little corner of the web, thankfully.

A small faction insisted Dan had woken up and they had run off together. Wishful thinking. A handful believed Dan had died and Phil was in mourning. That one hit hard. Then there were the antis. Phil was just standing up for what he believes in. Maybe he knew the guard from somewhere else. It’s crazy to assume that he had dated the Prince. Wouldn’t the public know? Was the prince even gay? That was a whole other hole you could fall down. The prevailing opinion was that Phil had been with the prince this whole time. They tweeted transcripts of Phil’s confrontation with Dennis that first day, still shots from the video, zoomed in on Phil’s clearly emotional expression. 

They were right, about all of it. Phil is gay, Phil is spending his days with Prince Daniel, Phil is in love with Dan.  _ They’re in love. He’s his destiny. He’s the answer.  _ Phil is in love with Dan. Can you be in love with someone you haven’t heard speak in 5 years? Phil had been the rational one, or at least tried to be. He didn't want to move to fast. He wanted to protect Dan. He didn't want to get hurt. It didn’t save him then and it wouldn’t now. He had known he loved Dan after one kiss. They were the kind of love story that makes people want to believe. So what if it ended in broken hearts and tears, it was worth it. This was real and he wasn’t going to let it slip away again. Phil closed his laptop, renewed fervor and determination in his veins. Tomorrow would be a good day.

 

* * *

Dan carefully lifted the covers and rolled out of bed. Phil was splayed out on his stomach, face smooshed into the pillow, a spot of drool darkening the pillowcase. He tiptoed to the bathroom and slipped on the joggers Phil had left, then brushed his teeth with some toothpaste on his finger. 

Dan hadn’t cooked in an apartment kitchen in, well ever, but he managed to find what he needed to make breakfast and coffee. Phil stirred just slightly as Dan sat a mug down near his face. The smell of coffee roused him gently into the waking world.

“You made coffee?” He slurred as he rubbed his eyes and sat up, reaching for his glasses. 

“And breakfast! I couldn’t find a tray so it’s all on one big plate, we’ll have to share.”

Taking in the sight of Dan in his joggers, shirtless and smiling, Phil was speechless. He looked down at two pieces of toast, with perfectly heart shaped fried eggs in the center of each. Dan scooted in close to Phil and dug in. 

“My mom used to make these when I was a kid.” Dan explained between bites. “It’s kinda the only breakfast thing I know how to make. She called them tiger eyes but I always called them love eyes because of the hearts.” 

Hearing Dan talk about his childhood had a new swell of emotion rising in Phil’s chest. It’s seemed this was his new normal, this keen awareness of his own heart. 

“Dan, this is amazing! You even made my coffee right.”

“Hey, I pay attention! I need to know these things if I’m gonna be waking up with you on the regular.” He smiled around a bite. 

Putting the empty plate aside, Phil laid back down into bed and Dan followed, tucking his leg between Phil’s, rubbing the sole of his foot up and down Phil’s calf. It occurred to Phil that Dan had done that before, at the beach. It must be a habit, something he does when he settles in with someone, when he’s relaxed. Phil smiled knowingly, imagining a future where he might witness Dan’s habits everyday. 

“What did you want to tell me?” Phil had settled on to his back, pulling Dan to his chest. He raked his fingers through those elusive curls. 

“Hmm?”

“Last night, when you sauntered into my room naked to seduce me, you said you wanted to tell me something.” Phil closed his eyes, feeling Dan’s fingertips dance over his hip. 

Dan laughed a breathy chuckle, “Did I saunter? I guess I did.” He sighed and his hand stilled. Phil’s eyes were still closed but he felt Dan’s chin tilt up. “I was just gonna tell you I love you.”

Phil’s eyes were definitely open now. “I’m sorry, what?”

Dan shifted onto his belly and pulled himself up on his elbows. There was a smile in his brown eyes, watching Phil closely. “I love you, Phil. You don’t have to say it back, I know it’s really soon. I can wait. But I love you and I’m so fucking lucky.” 

Not sure if he could form any words at all, Phil opened his mouth and blubbered, “Lucky?”

“Yeah, I mean, it was lucky you walked in that bakery, so lucky I chose to be an insolent little prick when I just happened to be in your neighborhood. So I’m not going to keep quiet about it. I’m gonna tell you all the time.” He giggled and let his head drop for a moment. “I love you.” He climbed on top of Phil who was now covering his face with his hands. Dan pulled his hands away and leaned down to kiss Phil’s quivering lips. He kissed him back. He couldn’t say it though. It wasn’t enough to say I love you too. 

 

Lunch dates were no longer an option. They needed time. They needed the cover of night, they needed to somehow break away from Dennis and friends and acceptable spaces. If they had to spend their lives in Phil’s bedroom, that was just fine with the both of the them. Dan started ditching Dennis every few nights, finding an excuse to go out, finding a reason to be alone, and slipping away in some creative way that poor Dennis just couldn’t keep up with. After the first few nights, he’d wake up and find Dennis parked right outside Phil’s door. They didn’t discuss it, but Dan stopped ditching his phone and Dennis was always there in the morning. Eventually Dennis just drove him to Phil’s after his work day. It wasn’t every day but it was more often than not. Dan brought a bag over so he could go straight to whatever project he was on that day and on weekends, he stayed right through.

Those were the best days, the weekends. Some days they just stayed in bed, all day, moving lazily from sleep to sex to dreamy talk of the future. Mostly, they played house. Getting up and having breakfast and coffee together, discussing their week. They did their best to pretend they were just a normal couple and not a semi-closeted YouTuber and the future king of England in a secret and fairly star-crossed relationship.  


Dan liked to watch Phil work, the creative process fascinated him. Phil's strange mind fascinated him even more. He sat behind the camera while Phil baked festive biscuits. Phil knew his subscribers would ask who he was looking at off camera, who was making him blush and fluster, tripping over his words. He’d ignore the questions, let them come up with their theories. It didn’t matter, because no one would ever, in their wildest dreams, guess the truth. Editing took twice as long with all the laughter and Dan stepping into frame to steal a kiss or get the flour off Phil’s nose. It was absolutely unacceptable to let himself be filmed like that but he couldn’t be bothered to care. They sat on the counter, swinging their legs, and ate the fruit of Phil’s labors. “What do you think?” Phil spoke with his mouth full.

Dan groaned dramatically, “These are orgasmic.” His eyes rolled back and he took another bite. “They look like rubbish but who the fuck cares. I may need a moment alone with my snowman Phil. So sorry, but you’ve been replaced.”

Phil stuck out his bottom lip and Dan tossed his biscuit on the counter. “Who am I kidding?” He moved in for a kiss.

 

 

Dan’s head was rested on Phil’s thighs, his body stretched across the sofa. “I think I may abdicate. I mean, it’s way in the future, but I think that’s what I want.” Phil played Katamari Damaci half heartedly, more interested in the occasional kisses he leaned down to plant on Dan’s freckles.

“Wow, really? But you have so many great ideas, so much passion.”

“I’ll show you passion, baby.” Dan reached a hand behind Phil’s neck and pulled him down into a wet kiss. Phil shook his head a bit, regaining composure.

“What was I saying?” He smiled as Dan settled back in to his lap. “Oh yeah, you could really make a difference as king.”

Dan scoffed, “Actually no, I couldn’t. The king has a little cultural influence but no political clout. 

Unless, you are corrupt of course, making deals, like my father. The most I could do was try to win the hearts and minds of the people, hopefully encouraging some change that way.”

“You could do it,” Phil was sincere, “If anyone could win people’s hearts, it’s you.”

Dan stared up at Phil wondering how he could believe in him so completely. They fell back into relaxed quiet.

“Why don’t you want to be king, Dan?”

Dan sighed heavily. “It’s not so much that I don’t want to be king. I just want to have choices. Hopefully my grandmother will live a good long while yet but if she dies in the next few years, I really will abdicate.”

“I don’t understand, what does one have to do with the other?”

“She has the final say, in my life, in general. She has to OK anyone that I want to marry. Obviously some people have an in, like Iris, but I think she’d give her blessing to anyone if she saw that I was really in love and that they loved me back. She is definitely problematic but oddly enough, I trust her.” 

“And if she dies?” Phil asked, tentatively.

“If she dies, papa Walter takes over and well, that would complicate things. Honestly, my grandmother is a tough old broad, I don’t think she’s going anywhere. And she’s gonna love you.”

“Me?”

“Yes you. Who did you think I was talking about? It’s gonna be a stretch for her, the whole gay marriage thing. But it’s gonna be OK. If you’ll have me of course.”

Dan laughed like it was a given. It was, but Phil still worried.

“Dan, I am the first man you ever been with. I think we should give it some more time before you start thinking in those terms.”

“Why? Do you feel differently?” Dan spoke with authority. “Tell me you feel differently.”

“I can’t, because I don’t, but you’re 18 years old. You still have University. There’s a lot of pressure on you. Things can change.” Phil spoke softly. He didn’t want to say any of this, but he loved Dan too much not to.

“I know I know, I’m too young, we’re too new. We shouldn’t be talking about this stuff yet. I don’t care Phil, that’s for other people. That’s not for us. I love you. You’re my person.”

Phil paused the game and set the controller aside. He looked down at Dan, watching his lashes when he blinked, studying the freckles on his cheek. No red patch. Dan was totally calm. This was all just a matter of fact to him.

Phil swallowed his fear and whispered, “You’re my person too.”

“I am?”

Phil nodded. “Can I tell you something embarrassing? The first time we kissed…”

“Right in this spot.” Dan interrupted, patting the sofa cushion.

“Yeah.” Phil continued, “when we kissed, I thought to myself, I’m going to spend the rest of my life with this man, we’re going to tell our grandkids about this kiss _.” _

Dan’s smile spread wide and his rosy patch finally made an appearance. He threw a leg over Phil, climbing into his lap, and taking his face in his hands. “I love you Phil.” He kissed his lips.

“I love you. I love you. I love you.” 

Phil scrunched his face against the onslaught of tiny kisses, punctuating every iteration.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come say hi on Tumblr @allthephils


	14. Chapter 14

The morning was beautiful. It had rained overnight and the world outside Phil’s window was clean and bright. He had gone to bed early, eager for a new day to spend with Dan. There was so much he wanted to tell him. He’d found a poem he thought Dan would like and had printed it to bring along and read aloud. He thought he might bring a few books to read as well. He chose the Outsiders to start with. It seemed like the kind of thing they could quote to each other later  and he’d never read it so it would be new to both of them. Up earlier than usual, he took his time drinking his coffee and watched Louise’s new video. Everything felt normal, more normal than it had in a while and he basked in it. Picking up his phone, he rang his mum.

“Child.” Kath’s cheerful tone brought Phil right home.

Phil called his mother most weeks but hadn’t done since he’d first got the news about Dan.

“Mum, I’m sorry I haven’t called in a while. I’ve been busy, distracted.” Phil wanted to tell her everything. He wanted to hear her calm reassurances and her inevitable cheer leading. Instead he told her that he wanted to her soon, that they’d have to meet for breakfast because his days were full.

“Breakfast? So around noon then?” Kath jabbed at Phil but he just said, “No mum, I have to be home by noon.”

He told her he wanted to tell her what’s been going on for him, that he had good news but that it was too long a story to tell on the phone. He was done hiding. If he was going to fight this fight, he needed his family on his side. Kath was baffled at the mystery and the serious tone but she agreed and they made a date for the following week. When he ended the call Phil sat satisfied and feeling like today was the first day of something new. Something was going to change, he could feel it in his bones. He absolutely couldn’t wait to get in that car with Dennis. Phil glanced as his kitchen clock. 12:20. He’d talked to his mum longer than he thought, though that always happened with them.

Dennis had never been late before. He ran downstairs to see if maybe he didn’t hear the knock but there was nothing. No car at the curb, no Dennis. Maybe there was an accident on the road, traffic. He went back upstairs and sat on the sofa, waiting.

12:30. 12:45.

He had no way to reach Dennis, no way of knowing what was going on unless someone contacted him. 12:55. Phil’s stomach twisted into knots. He held his breath and opened Twitter on his phone. Just the usual cursed prince tabloid nonsense.

1:00.

If something happened to Dan, how would he know. He felt sick. If something had happened to Dan. What if he took a turn for the worse? They wouldn’t just leave Phil here, not knowing, would they? They wouldn’t let him find out in some awful Twitter headline that Dan had… He stop mid thought, unwilling to even consider the possibility that Dan could be gone.

1:10.

He picked up his phone and called Louise.

“Hey! They let you keep your phone today! Does this mean I get photos?” Louise was her usual chipper self but Phil broke at the sound of her voice.

“Lou, I’m not there. They didn’t come. What do I do Louise? Oh my god, what if he died? What if he died and they just aren’t coming?” Phil was near hyperventilation. He couldn’t catch his breath.

“Phil, listen.” Louise spoke slowly. “I’m on my way. We’ll go together and get to the bottom of this. Phil, breath for me sweetie. I need to know you're safe on your own till I get there.”

Phil took deep, slow breaths, gaining some small measure of control. “Ok, ok. I’m ok. I’ll be ok. Hurry Lou.”

Phil had never felt fear like this. The room closed in, his heart beat in his ears. Tears sat in his eyes but couldn’t spill over. His arms and legs prickled with adrenaline but he felt frozen in place. He ran to his room, pulling out his dresser drawer and dumping the contents onto the carpet. Rifling through, he found Dan’s Versace t-shirt and held it to his chest. Finally, the sobs broke through and he fell to his knees, crying into the shirt with a painful force. He stayed on the floor of his bedroom, playing through all the possibilities in his head. None of them were good. He heard the door slam and Louise called out, “Phil!”

When he look up, she walked past him and set a box on the bed. “This was outside your door. It’s addressed to you.”

Phil swallowed hard and stood. He shook so violently, he found it difficult to pull the tape off the box. For a long moment, he just stared at the still closed cardboard flaps.

“Phil, love, do you want me to…” Louise stepped forward but Phil held up his hand and shook his head. He carefully lifted one flap and then the others. When he saw what was inside, Phil gasped, his hand flying up to cover his mouth. The bottom of the box was littered with dirt from Loki’s pot, which lay on it’s side. The candles were there and the fairy lights, among broken glass from Phil’s terrarium. Everything was here, everything except Buffy. Phil reached in carefully and pulled out Loki, scooping as much dirt back in as he could manage, and straightening the little cactus in it’s tiny red pot. Phil stood tall, pulled his shoulders back, and wiped his tears. He closed the box and walked to the window, setting Loki on the sill, then turned to look at Louise.

“I’m ready. Let’s go.”

 

* * *

 

 

Phil had grown accustomed to waking up with Dan in his bed. His body was aware of the absence before his brain was fully awake. He fluttered his eyes open to see a blurry figured leaned against the doorway, arms folded like a catalog model.

“Dan?” Phil said, his voice thick with sleep. He reached for his glasses and put them on, with the sole purpose of seeing Dan. He couldn’t care less if the whole world was blurry so long as Dan came into focus.

“What are you doing?”

Dan’s smile was reserved but genuine. “Watching you sleep.”

“Ok creeper.” Phil joked, though his heart flipped, it’s one of those things people say in romantic stories and you laugh and roll your eyes. It’s not romantic, it’s creepy. Except it was romantic. If only because Phil understood the impulse. If he had a choice, his gaze would always fall on Dan. He had a twisting pain in his neck from sleeping half sitting up with Dan snuggled into his arms. He stretched and arched, cracking and popping, trying to set things back where they belong.

Dan just watched.

“You’re dressed.” Phil stated the obvious, disappointed at what that must mean.

“I have to go. I’m sorry. I didn’t want to wake you, we were up so late.” Dan smirked, a light blush in his cheek.

“OK. Will you be back tonight?”

Dan shook his head, wistful. “I have to spend some time with my grandmum tonight. I promised.”

“Your grandmum? You’re hanging with the queen tonight?” Phil thought he’d never get used to these abrupt reminders of Dan’s actual position in life.

“I am. She wants to discuss university, my future, you know.” Dan shrugged. “I wish I could bring you. You are my future after all. It seems ridiculous to discuss any of it without you.” Dan’s phone rang out and he huffed. “I have to go before Dennis has a literal baby out there. I’ll see you tomorrow after work, ok?”

Phil nodded and smiled into the kiss Dan leaned in for.

Dan whispered I love you and left. The words drifted through Phil’s mind like soft waves at low tide, rushing in, idling out, rushing in, idling out. He heard his front door close and heard himself whisper _I love you too_ to the empty room.

 

Dan was the kind of person that should listen to jazz and Brian Eno and paint in the middle of the night. He was the kind of person who chains himself to a bulldozer to save a century old tree. That’s how Phil saw him anyway. Designer trousers and penthouse parties and living in a literal castle didn’t suit him. As privileged as he seemed, and he was so careful to own his privilege, his life was oppressive to him. Phil’s free spirit, his self actualized vision for his life, it was more than Dan could ever hope for. He admired Phil and he envied him in a way.

He spent days off poking around the flat, exploring and learning Phil in more and more detail. Phil learned Dan too. He learned how he takes coffee and he memorized what he sounds like when he sleeps. He learned that he’s an incredibly loud and competitive gamer but that he smiles proudly when Phil finally beats him. And he learned that Dan’s circumstance and his family dynamic had invited more demons into Dan’s life than he could handle sometimes. He learned how to hold him and talk him through when those demons got too demanding.

When Dan showed up in the evening, his cheeks were red and he barely held back his tears.

“Dan?” Phil pulled him close held him in his arms. “Baby, what’s wrong?”

Dan pulled away and paced the room, running his hand through his hair. “I can’t fucking do this anymore. I don’t want to. This isn’t who I am.” Phil watched as Dan moved about the room, manic. “But it is who I am, isn’t it? They groomed me like every prince before me, why do I have to want more? Why can’t I just be one of them so it doesn’t have to feel like this?”

“What happened?” Phil asked, trying to keep himself calm in the face of Dan’s distress.

“Paps spotted Dennis outside your place. Who knows how long they’ve been watching. They waited outside the shelter. Obviously, Dennis got me out a different way but they were out there, yelling. Asking what I’ve been up to, am I dating a commoner, am I gay? It always comes back to the gay question.” Dan stopped and sat on the sofa, looking up at Phil, his voice shook, “They stood outside a battered women’s shelter Phil. Shouting. And it’s my fault, because I won’t just grow up and fall into line, I brought that chaos to a place that’s supposed to be safe.”

Phil’s embrace knocked down Dan’s defenses and he sobbed, letting himself be held. Phil rocked and shushed him, fighting back his own tears. “It’s not your fault. I’ve got you. I’m here.”

Dan gathered himself, pulling back to look at Phil. “Phil I’m so sorry, Dennis’ threats will keep them at bay for a couple days but they’ll be back. They’ll wait outside your door. Fuck. This shit just follows me everywhere. I’m fucking poison Phil.”

“Stop it Dan. I won’t let you do that. You didn’t ask for any of this.”

“Well I certainly didn’t do anything to prevent it.”

“You spend every day helping people, every day. Then you come here and you make me happier than I’ve ever been. You’re not poison, you’re everything.” Phil’s voice cracked a bit and he drew in his own shaky breath, trying hard to keep it together for Dan but failing. “Let them wait, I never go outside anyway. In a couple days, we’ll both be gone for Christmas. We’ll wait it out. It’ll be ok.”

Dan cried into Phil’s t-shirt till there were no tears left then followed Phil into bed where he slept. It was the deep sleep of exhaustion and truly letting go, the kind that comes when the one you’re with is wide awake, holding space, helping you carry the heavy load.

 

They spent the next day their favorite way, in bed. The mood was heavy but they had each other and it was ok. They ordered every meal in and watched their favorite Christmas movies, Gremlins and Die Hard, not quite catching the ending of either of them. In between, they talked. Topics like the queen’s opinion on Dan’s future, university, and paparazzi, were off limits. Instead, they discussed the colors in Phil’s eyes and how he once ate fish food as a kid. They talked about the wonderful nanny that cared for Dan and Adrian as kids and how she bakes the most amazing mince pies. They listed all the places they wanted to travel to together. Tomorrow morning Dan and Dennis would drive Phil to the ferry to the Isle of Man and Dan would be on his way to Windsor to spend Christmas with his family. They’d be apart for just shy of two weeks but it sounded like an eternity.

 

Winter mornings meant bright, glaring sun through the window. Dan rolled away from light and into the warmth of Phil. Phil always slept so deeply with Dan there in his bed. He didn’t even stir as Dan hooked his leg around his, pressing himself close to Phil’s side, nuzzling his nose into Phil’s neck, breathing in gingerbread scented body wash. Dan pressed his lips there, feeling the rhythm of Phil’s pulse and there was a hum of sweet satisfaction in response. Phil turned his body toward Dan and his arms enveloped this treasure of his.

“It’s not daytime. Go back to sleep.” He murmured, squinting as he opened his eyes..

“It is daytime, it’s bright in here.” Dan answered.

“Close the blinds, we can pretend it’s night and then we don’t ever have to go.” Phil held Dan as tight as he could.

“Just close your eyes.” Dan said and he kissed each of Phil’s eyelids as they fluttered shut. “There. It’s night. We have nowhere to be.” Dan’s lips met Phil’s and they kissed, slowly first, then building in tension and heat.

Phil moved his lips across Dan’s jaw and and bit at his earlobe. “Good. I wanna give you something to think about when we’re apart.” At those words, he disappeared under the duvet and the quiet house filled with Dan’s sighs. Dennis would just have to wait a little bit longer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think!  
> Come say hello on Tumblr @allthephils


	15. Chapter 15

The drive to Windsor castle felt something like the first time Louise drove Phil there. Fear and uncertainty had brought tension then but now it was magnified. Now, Phil knew what was at stake. He also knew he wasn’t wanted there and that he may have a fight ahead of him much more daunting than the fight to get in had been. Phil has never been much of a fighter, always more likely to walk away, turn the other cheek. Now he hoped against hope for a fight because a fight meant Dan was ok, that there’s something to fight for. The alternative was unthinkable. His stomach turned when he thought of how easily he had let Dan get away all those years ago. Everything could have been different if he had simply had the courage to speak up, say the words, hold on tighter. That wasn’t a mistake he was going to make again. He had let himself consider the worst case scenario, he’d fallen apart, gotten it out of his system, and now he was going to stand up and be what Dan needed him to be. 

Walking up the path to the castle gate, the scene was so different from the first time. There was a small group of protesters and an even smaller gaggle of women waiting on the lawn. A large steel grate had been pulled closed at the gate that lead to the entrance to Dan’s operating theatre and there was only one guard standing in the center of the walk. It was obvious the excitement had passed, the royal family had succeeded at appeasing the public.

Phil and Louise walked in the grass toward the protesters, hoping the single guard wouldn’t notice Phil. The idea that he could be seen as a threat was ridiculous but Phil couldn’t imagine the stories Walter must be telling. Phil had to be careful. He didn’t want to risk being carted away before he was able to see Dan. Cautiously, Louise approached the gate with Phil a few feet behind. Inside, near the door that would lead to the Prince, stood Dennis. 

Louise ran back to Phil, whisper shouting, “It’s that guard, the one you know. Phil, he must be ok. Why would they guard an empty room? He must still be in there.”

“He’s still in there, I feel it. But that doesn’t mean he’s ok.” Phil said, his eyes searching for some comfort in Louise’s hopeful expression. “I’m going to go talk to him. Stay close.”

Phil’s hands gripped the bars of the steel grate that stood between him and what he now realized was his future. Dennis look up and sighed heavily, scrubbing his hands over his face in frustration. He walked to Phil and spoke, low enough so that no one else could hear.

“Phil. Buddy, you know my hands are tied here. There’s nothing I can do. Prince Walter would put me away for treason. He’s been very clear.”

“Did you deliver that box, Dennis?” Phil asked. Dennis said nothing but returned to his post by the door. “Tell Walter I’m here, Dennis. Let me see him. We can work something out.”

Dennis stared forward, unflinching. “You don’t want to see Walter, Phil. Trust me, you don’t.” 

“Tell me he’s ok, Dennis. Or at least tell me he’s alive.” Phil was starting to panic.

Dennis said, “he’s alive,” and cast a sideways glance at Phil that sent a chill up his spine. 

“Oh my god. I need to see him. Dennis please.”

Dennis’ brow creased, he shifted on his feet and swallowed, struggling to maintain the role he played in spite of the vulnerability Phil brought. Nothing was more frightening than seeing concern on Dennis’ face. Phil turned to Louise and she rushed over. 

“Louise, are you logged in to my Instagram?”

“I am.”

“Ok, we’re gonna do this. 15 seconds at a time.” His heart beat out of his chest.

Louise’s eyes grew wide and she held the hand of her best friend in the world. “Philip, are you absolutely one hundred percent sure about this? Have you thought through all the consequences?”

“Yes I am and no I haven’t. There’s no more time, Lou. You ready?” Phil stood, his back to the gate and Louise held up the phone. She pointed to Phil and he began.

“Hey guys. I’ve got some really important news to share and not a lot of time. I’m going to need your help. You guys were right about some things so yeah, good job figuring it out I guess. First of all, I’m gay. Yay.” Phil held his hands up and shimmied them just as Louise held up her hand to stop. He looked back at Dennis who just stood, looking forward, pretending not to notice what was going on right in front of him.

“OK it’s up, that’ll bring em in.” Louise shook her head and held the phone up again. “Keep going.”

“I know I’ve been a little MIA these days and that none of you were fooled by my cryptic tweets. I have been at Windsor Castle. With Dan, Prince Daniel. And yes, I’m in love with him.”

Louise held up a hand again and jumped up and down a little bit as she hit the button to post the story. For the third time, she held the phone up. Phil was sweating, he heaved in a breath.

“He’s been doing much better since I’ve been here but now our future king and the man I love is in real jeopardy because his father, Prince Walter, has decided I am no longer welcome.”

Once more, stop, post, deep breath, go.

“So I’m hoping you guys could help me out. Maybe if we get enough of you here, they’ll at least let me speak to someone. I don’t know if it will work but I have to try. We can’t just do nothing. He needs us. If you’re anywhere near Windsor castle, please.”

Louise put her phone away and walked to Phil, hugging him close. “I’m so proud of you.”

“I don’t know, Lou. I just outed the future king of England. I think I’m fucked.”

 

____________________________________________________________________________

 

Phil leaned on the counter, happily munching tiny marshmallows as he watched his mum bake. He missed Dan, more than he’d ever missed anything, but he was happy to be with his family. The last time he was here, he would have called it home. Even with his own London apartment, home was always wherever his family was. That was all different now. Now, home was wherever Dan was. His little apartment felt warm and safe and perfect when Dan was there. Still, he was glad to be chatting with his mum, getting all the latest gossip on the Lesters. A cousin got engaged, an aunt needed to have gall bladder surgery, and uncle Frederic’s exotic pet collection has gotten him in trouble. His wife has promised to leave him if he brings home one more reptile or hissing cockroach. 

Phil heard the front door open, the cold air rushing in and chilling the house all the way to the kitchen. Martin and Cornelia shuffled in together, pulling off coats, and hugging Nigel before making their way to the kitchen to get the big affection form Catherine. Phil waited his turn, smiling around cheeks stuffed with sweets. Finally, Martin came over and punched him in the arm before pulling him into a hug.

“Where the hell have you been? I feel like I have to watch your videos just to see my little brother!” Martin admonished lovingly.

“Ug, You sound like Louise. I’ve just been busy.” Phil stood away from the counter and moved toward Cornelia, who opened her arms and hugged Phil just like a big sister would.

“Hello Phil. You look well! How have you been?” She asked as she pulled him in. 

“I’m really good, Corn.” Phil said, quietly while still in the embrace. Cornelia had a way of softening Phil, breaking down any barriers he might have. She pulled away, hands on Phil’s shoulders, and looked him in the eye. She grinned and cocked her head a bit.

“Hmm.” 

“What?” Phil said, already blushing.

“You look different.” Cornelia said, plainly. “You are positively glowing.”

Phil laughed nervously and looked at the ground. “I’m just rosy from the cold.”

“Bullshit.” Cornelia smiled wide and kissed Phil’s nose, leaving behind a spot of lipstick. 

Catherine grabbed a dish towel and wiped at the spot without missing a beat. “You do look happy, love. And healthy. Glowing is a perfect way to describe it.” 

Phil felt like he was being ganged up on by the sweetest mob who ever lived.

 

Martyn had plopped down at the kitchen table and was eating a biscuit from a plate at the center. He looked at Phil intently. “I know what’s up. He’s getting some.” He kept eating through his smirk and Phil groaned, turning away to busy himself making tea for everyone. He wanted to run away but he knew they’d just follow him. The Lesters are a relentless bunch. 

“Oh Martyn.” Catherine shook her head. “Be nice.” She slid the pan of cakes into the oven, and wiped her hands on her apron. “Though I was wondering…”

Cornelia’s musical laughter gave Phil a moment to think, to muster up his courage. 

“Ok, yeah, I’ve been seeing someone. Someone I really like.” Phil was on the verge of giggling but he fought to suppress that impulse.

Cornelia beamed, “Aw Philly. Look at you! I’m so happy for you!”

Phil’s mum took her cup of tea and sat at the table so now they all sat, staring at Phil, his judge and jury, sipping their tea in a perfect metaphor. They wanted details. 

“What’s her name?” Catherine asked, her tone genuinely kind and curious.

Martyn rolled his eyes. “Mum, Come on, Phil hasn’t a girlfriend since before Uni.”

“Sorry, sorry. It’s habit. What’s  _ his _ name? Tell me about this boy who’s captured my son’s heart.”

Phil smiled, she always knew how to make him feel accepted, even when she screwed up.

“It’s ok, mum. His name is…” Phil hesitated, not sure how to answer that question. He breathed deep, took a sip of tea, and answered, “Dan, his name is Dan.”

“Ooh!” Catherine cried. “Like Prince Daniel. Is he as handsome as the Prince?”

“More so.” Phil said. It was true. His Dan, the Dan he held and kissed and laughed with and loved, was far more beautiful than his public persona. Prince Daniel was just a facade but Dan was real, so very real. “It’s a little scary though.” He sat down with the rest of them, grabbing a biscuit to dunk into his tea. 

“That’s my cue.” Martyn stood up fisting a handful of treats and went to talk with Nigel about Football or the weather or something that made him less uncomfortable than what was about to go down in the kitchen. 

“Coward.” Cornelia called after him.

“I don’t deny that!” Martyn called back.

Cornelia reached across the table to squeeze Phil’s hand. “Why is it scary, Phil?”

 

“I just like him so much. We just met in September. And he’s only 18, we’re so young, you know? But I feel like, I don’t know.” Phil was looking down into his tea but he raised his eyes to catch his mother’s, needing to read what she might be thinking. “I love him, mum. I loved him from the moment I kissed him. It was only our second date. Is that stupid? Is that crazy?” Phil chewed on his cuticle, nervous, afraid the answer would be yes, it’s stupid and crazy and immature. Pull yourself together Phil.

“Phil, love is never stupid.” Cornelia said, “And any love worth having is crazy at the beginning.” She sat back and sipped, ready to soak in whatever Catherine was about to say. Catherine did not disappoint.

“Cornelia’s right. God, your father and I were insatiable when we met. From the very start, I couldn’t keep my hands off of him.”

“Woah, mum, gross.”

“Sorry, sorry. My point is, sometimes you just know. And it feels too fast and too much but it’s not up to you. Love just comes and you have to be brave enough to grab on and hold it.”

“I haven’t said it yet. He has, but I’ve sort of avoided it.” Phil sighed, “Do you think I should tell him?”

Catherine put another biscuit in front of Phil. “I think you should tell him when you are sure and it’s bursting out of you. When your heart is beating so loud, you can’t think of any other words, that’s when you should tell him.”

Cornelia asked, “When did Nigel tell you?”

“I think it was our third date.”

“And you said it back?” Cornelia said, in awe.

“Oh lord no! I thought he was off his rocker.” Catherine laughed heartily. “But I did say it eventually, months later.”

“Poor Dad.” Phil paused and took a deep breath. “I’m scared if I let myself love him, he’ll go off to Uni and then, I don’t know.”

 

“Sweetheart, trust me. Love is painful whether it lasts 2 weeks or 2 decades. That’s why you have to be brave. Ask yourself if the fear you feel is worth not having him in your life. Would you rather just lose him now so you don’t have to lose him later?”

 

“No. No, mum, I can't lose him now. It hurts to even think that.” 

 

“It sounds like you already know the answer, Phil.” Cornelia said. “I just want to know if he is worthy of my Philly. Are you happy when you’re with him?”

 

“So happy.”

“Does he treat you with kindness and respect?”

 

“Yes Corn, of course.”

 

“And does he make your toes curl?” Cornelia slurped her tea, glancing up at Phil over her cup. Catherine laughed and stood to clear up as Phil crumbled, covering his face with his hands. He peaked through his fingers at Cornelia, knowing his mum was looking the other way, and nodded. She held her tea up in a mock toast and giggled. 

 

“You know what I always say, Phil.” Catherine interjected. “If he keeps you warm, then he’s a keeper.”

 

“Isn’t that for picking out a coat?”

 

“It applies here too, dear.” Catherine went back to baking and Phil sat in happy silence with Cornelia. Some of the weight had lifted, he felt understood, supported. The weight that remained was uncertainty in what the future held. Phil’s mum is a wise woman though and he knew that. He promised himself he’d tell Dan he loved him when they got home. In reality, he knew he’d made it clear but he also knew that those words matter. 

Slipping into a sugar coma, Phil excused himself to have a quick lay down before dinner. Really, he just wanted to text Dan in private, though he realized he probably wouldn’t get a response. 

 

**Phil:** Hey. I miss you already. My family says I’m glowing. It’s because of you. I hope you get to spend lots of time with Adrian and eat all the mince pies. Come to think of it, maybe you could smuggle a few out for me.

**Dan:** Phil! I miss you already too. I’ll start hoarding mince pies immediately.

**Phil:**  Yay!

**Dan:** If you text during the day, I might not be able to respond.

**Phil** : I know, I get it

**Dan:** But please text anyway. I need to know you are out there. And that you are mine.

**Phil:** Ok, I will. And I am. 

**Dan** : I have to go join everyone for tea. I love you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come say hi on Tumblr @allthephils  
> And let me know what you think in the comments!


	16. Chapter 16

“Phil.” Louise had a hand on Phil’s shoulder. He looked up from his phone to see the lone guard had turned and was walking directly toward him. Before he had a chance to think, there was a firm grip on his upper arm. His phone was pulled out of his hand and Dennis pulled the metal grate aside. Two additional guards had come out of nowhere and they now flanked the gate.

“Mr. Lester, I’ll need you to come with me. I’d prefer we do this quietly and without incident but that is entirely up to you.”

Phil looked to Louise and back to the guard. He nodded his understanding and Louise watched as he was led through the gate and around the corner. 

“Where are we going?” Phil and the guard weaved their way through the halls. He had no idea where he was or how to find his way out.

The guard did not slow his pace. “Your presence has been requested by members of the family.”

“Requested? That sounds like I have a choice. Do I have a choice?”

The guard did not respond but advanced quickly to a set of double doors, swiping his badge, and holding one side open for Phil to enter. The room looked just like the one Phil had met Prince Walter in, opulent but practical. Someone sat on the sofa alone, it was Adrian. 

Phil rushed forward, glad to see him, but Adrian didn’t look up. Pulling a chair away from the wall, Phil sat down in front of Adrian. 

“Hey, are you ok?” Phil asked, putting a hand to Adrian's shoulder but quickly pulling it back again. Tension hung between them but whether it was fear, anger, or something else entirely, Phil couldn’t tell. 

After what seem like ages, Adrian spoke up. “What did you do, Phil?”

“Adrian, I…”

Adrian held up a finger, silencing Phil, just like Phil had seen Walter do to him. The thought of Adrian taking after his father, stuck here without Dan’s balancing influence, left a sour taste in Phil’s mouth. He waited for Adrian to speak, aware as always of how much was at stake for the young man in front of him.

“So, you won’t kiss him, but you’ll out him? To millions of people. Without his consent. Is that right, Phil?” Adrian finally looked Phil in the eye. “Did you think about how that might put him in danger, put you in danger? And what about us? What about me, Phil? And my mother?”

“Adrian, I’m sorry.” Phil did his best to sound composed, like he wasn’t in a complete and utter panic. “I wasn’t given any notice, I was just left, shut out. I have no way to contact any of you, no way of knowing if he’s ok.” Phil’s composure began to crack. “ I had to do something so I used the only tool I have. Dennis looks so worried. He won’t look me in the eye. God, Adrian, I wasn’t thinking of you, any of you, or England or me or anything but Dan and if he’s even fucking alive.” Phil let his head drop into his hands. He felt a hand grip his arm, and then Adrian was wrapped around him, crying into Phil’s shoulder. Phil sat up and pulled him in for a proper hug. 

“Adrian, listen to me. I’m really sorry I didn’t consider you in all this but you must know that Dan was only closeted because of your father. He talked about coming out all the time. I know that was years ago, maybe I had no right, but here we are.”

Adrian pulled back. He looked so young now that his guard was down, tear stained and clearly terrified of what’s to come. “He did come out.” He said.

“What? What are you talking about?” Phil asked, confused.

“That Christmas, the year you guys met. He told me first, I had my suspicions, but he told me officially. He told me all about you and how much you meant to him. He told me I’d be a great king and that he’d always be here for me. He was scared but he was so happy, Phil. He loved you, loves you, so much.”

“I don’t understand. That’s, that’s when I lost him. He left me, Adrian.”

“It’s my fault.” Adrian’s voice was clear, resolved. 

“What’s your fault?” Phil asked.

“All of it.” Adrian shook his head and tucked his feet under him. “Jesus, Phil, I was so jealous. I couldn’t just be happy for him.”

“Adrian, you were a kid.”

“You should have seen him. He stood up at the table, like he had a toast to give. It was the night before Christmas Eve. Iris was there and my Aunts, a cousin. I could never do anything like that.”

Phil didn’t know how to process this, he had no idea. “Iris was there?”

“Yeah, he must have told her already because she just sipped her wine and kept her head down.” Adrian continued. “But my father, he lost it. He went on and on about how he’s ruining Iris’ life, like she has no value outside of marrying royal. He talked about her family, her sex life. Right in front of her, in front of everyone. The things he said, Phil, it was awful. She wasn’t having it, she stood up for Dan, for herself, said she’d be just fine. Basically told Walter to fuck off. I think Dan was ready to be attacked but he hadn’t expected dad to go after Iris like that.”

“Adrian, why didn’t Dan tell me any of this?” 

“I don’t know Phil, he was really shaken. And it just got worse. Dad started threatening you, saying he knows who you are, where you’re from, your family. He could ruin you, Phil. He could spin this whole thing to look like you’re some kind of stalker, or worse.”

“He threatened my family?” Fear and anger buzzed in Phil’s mind. He couldn’t go back now. He couldn’t undo what he’d done and he wasn’t sure he wanted to but he’d never considered the possibility that Dan left him to protect him. It was out there now, in the open. He had gotten ahead of Walter without realizing how crucial that step might be. He wanted to call his mum, to explain, to warn her. His family had to have seen the story. They must be so worried. All the thinking he hadn’t done rushed over him in a wave of potential implications and consequences. “Of course he did, and of course Dan retreated. He knows what your father is capable of.”

“That wasn’t it, Phil. That was just the beginning and Dan held his ground. Nothing angers my father more than challenging his authority. Dan stood up to him, he threatened to go over his head.”

“To the queen.”

Adrian nodded. “My father does not like to be reminded who is really in power. He was quiet all Christmas Eve, right up to midnight mass, but then it started. When were all heading back to our rooms. He laid into me, berated me. He had us stay behind while mum and grandma went off to bed. He pushed me to the ground, told me I was nothing, that I’d always be nothing.” Adrian’s chewed on the cuff of his jumper, his eyes shone wet as he spoke through shaky breaths. “He said if I was going to be king, he’d have to mold me into someone who could carry on his legacy. He said I’m weak, he promised to break me.”

“My god, Adrian.” Phil didn’t know what to say. He knew Walter could come in at any moment.

“Dan finally got between us. He helped me up and walked me to my room. He slept on my floor that night and every night for weeks. He didn’t leave my side except when he…”

“When he came to see me.” Phil said, suddenly aware of the heartbreak that he had lived with then, and the shadow it left behind, dull and dusty, but always there. He dropped his head and let it all sink in. 

 

* * *

 

 

The door slammed behind Phil as he rushed in out of the cold. He’d been exploring with Martyn and Cornelia but decided to take the third wheel out of the equation. Watching his brother and the love of his life walk hand in hand in the snow was beautiful but just a little too much. He threw off his gloves and scarf and hung his coat on a hook, then scurried to sit right in front of the roaring fire. Holding up his phone, he looked straight into the camera, love on his mind, hoping it would come through his eyes in the photo. He’d already sent Dan a photo of his breakfast and a shot of the snow angel he made. He hadn’t heard back but he understood why. He hit send on the selfie and wiggled back toward the fire, thawing out his frozen bum. Just a little more time in front of the fire alone, a little more time to just imagine his future with Dan. Soon, his mum would want help in the kitchen or his dad would start in with his stories, and there was wrapping to do. Tomorrow would be Christmas Eve.

His mind wandered to New Year’s kisses and all the favors he could ask Dan for on his birthday. He dreamt of their first Valentine’s day and Easter garden parties at Buckingham Palace. That last one gave him pause but before he could think too deeply, his back pocket vibrated. 

**Dan:** Your nose is all red. I wish I was there to keep you warm. 

**Phil:** I wish you were here too. This fire can’t compare.

**Dan:** You’re so pretty, Lester.

**Phil:** You’re the pretty one, can I see?

**Dan:** I’m not really supposed to do that.

**Phil** : I know. But since when do you follow the rules?

**Dan** : Good point.

A few seconds passed and Phil tapped the small photo that arrived. Dan’s face filled his screen. He was lying on a pillow and had held the phone up above him so Phil could just see his face and neck. His eyes were narrowed, head tipped back, and his bottom lip was between his teeth.

**Phil** : Woof.

**Dan** : LOLCI

**Phil** : ??

**Dan** : Laughing out loud, crying inside

**Phil** : :( me too 

Another photo came though. Dan was in the same spot but he wore a genuine, gentle smile and his brown eyes twinkled like they did when Phil laughed at one of his jokes. 

**Phil:** You are the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. 

**Dan:** Stop. My heart hurts. I miss you so much. 

**Phil:** I only speak the truth. 

**Dan:** I have to go dress for dinner.

**Phil** : Ok. Text me later?

**Dan** : The moment I escape. I love you. 

 

He didn’t text later. Phil had wrapped all his gifts and dried the dishes that his mum had washed. His dad had fallen asleep in his recliner and Martyn and Cornelia had long since disappeared up the stairs. Catherine sat by the fire with a cup of tea, finally relaxing after a day of festive preparations. She smiled at Phil as he leaned in for a goodnight kiss to the cheek. Phil hurried upstairs and to his room, stopping in to brush his teeth. He pulled off his clothes and slipped on flannel pajamas, then crawled into bed. Phil had no idea how late these multi course royal dinners went. It was only 11, maybe Dan hadn’t gone to bed yet. He knew this could happen. He was lucky to connect with Dan at all when he was with his family. Still though, it was lonely not having that small reminder that Dan was thinking of him. He stayed up as long as he could but it had been a long day and sleep finally won out. 

Everyone was already around the kitchen table when Phil stumbled in, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. His dad was dishing out huge portions of food; eggs, sausages, beans, the works. Fresh scones steamed on the table alongside clotted cream and lemon curd. This should be heaven for Phil. He sat and poked at the food on his plate, pushing his eggs from side to side. His phone sat silent where he had set it, and he watched it do nothing as he sipped his coffee. The whole family was quiet in the face of Phil’s conspicuous lack of appetite. Before they could ask what was wrong, he pushed back from the table, grabbed his phone and headed back toward the stairs. 

“I’m not feeling well, I’m gonna go back to bed for a little bit.” He said to no one in particular as he made his way up the stairs. 

He typed out a message for Dan,  _ Happy Christmas Eve.  _ Curling up on his bed, he told himself he’d have to get used to this and hit send. 

A knock on his door woke him up. He hadn’t actually intended to fall asleep and disorientation had him wondering what day it was.

“Come in.” Phil sat up and rubbed his eyes, then replaced his glasses and looked up at Cornelia.

“Hey you, feeling any better? Lester Christmas Eve can’t get started without you.”

“Oh yeah, I’m sorry. What time is it?”

“Only noon. It’s all good. Come down though, we are about make a snowman.” Cornelia had sat down on Phil’s bed and placed a hand on his knee. She looked at him with so much understanding and love, he almost told her everything right then and there. Fortunately, his phone lit up and distracted them both.

“You’re blowin’ up.” Cornelia said, winking. “See you in a few.”

The phone screen was filled with notifications, 6 texts from Dan. Phil breathed a sigh of relief and read.

 

**Dan:** I’m sorry I couldn’t get away last night.

 

**Dan:** I wish I was there with your family instead of here with mine

 

**Dan:** I wish I was there with you

 

**Dan:** Sure is chilly in this castle

 

**Dan:** Please don’t be mad. 

 

**Dan:** I really need to hear your voice.

Phil tapped Dan’s photo and hit call. Dan answered with a very quiet hello.

**“** I’m not mad. I was just worried and I miss you. I wish you were here too. I can’t really chat though, I have to go make a snowman with my family.”

“That sounds so nice.” Dan sounded far away, because he was talking from his bed in his cavernous room with the vaulted ceiling, but also because he spoke in a low near whisper, hesitating before every thought. “My family are currently all in separate rooms, silently disliking each other. Phil, you know I love you right?”

“Of course, I do. You never let me forget.” Phil said, though the question was odd.

“I’d do anything for you, Phil. You are the best thing in my life.”

“You’re the best thing in my life too. Dan, is something wrong?”

There was silence on the line for a bit. Phil knew Dan was still there, he could hear him breathing and he thought he wouldn’t mind listening to that sweet sound a while longer. 

“But I’m not.” Dan finally said.

“You’re not what?”

“The best thing in your life. You have a wonderful family who love and accept you. You have real true friends. You have a life that you chose, that you built.” Dan spoke with conviction, presenting his case. “You were fine before you met me and you’d be fine without me.”

“Without you?” Phil spoke up. “I wouldn’t. Not now that I have you.”

Dan talked right over him, “You’re kind and strong and just good and I’m chaos.”

“Dan, you're scaring me a little. Please tell me what’s going on.”

Dan laughed a little under his breath. “I’m sorry. It’s just, I have to sit around this huge table again tonight, too big to have a conversation with anyone but the person next to me. I’ll be served in abject silence by wonderful people I have known since I was a baby. My parents won’t even speak except to pray thanks for the meal. This place makes me emo, I guess.” 

“Can we talk later? After my family stuff is done. Like 10 or 11 maybe?”

Dan sighs, “We have late supper and then midnight mass.”

“Oh.”

“It’s ok, go make snowmen. Have the best time ever for both of us.” Dan’s trying to sound like he’s ok now, but Phil can hear worry and melancholy.

“Ok, babe. Happy Christmas.”

Bouts of sadness and frustration aren’t a new thing from Dan and Phil isn’t surprised that being with his family would bring that out. He wants to hold Dan and make him feel safe and loved. He wants to make him forget everything that isn’t the two of them, drown out all the voices that say what they have isn’t ok, pretend they aren’t a secret.

Christmas Eve was always cakes and snowmen and movies and opening one gift before bed. Soon, Phil was immersed in traditions and family and any worry slipped to background. His gift was a handmade sweater from his aunt. He loved it and vowed to wear it fo Christmas Day. There was talk of Dan. Everyone wanted to hear how they met, how it was going. He could mostly tell the truth. They met in the bakery, they went to a party for their first date and hung out by the food, Phil got too drunk and Dan tucked him in. He told them all about candlelight pizza dinners and galaxy cakes and breakfast in bed. 

“You sound perfect for eachother.” Catherine had said, pulling Phil in to kiss his head. Then, “Maybe we can all be together on your birthday.” 

He smiled and nodded, allowing himself the fantasy, just for now, just for Christmas. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come say hi on Tumblr @allthephils


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come say hi on Tumblr @allthephils

 

Phil was brought abruptly back to the present by the sound of a door slamming, “Adrian, where’s your father?”

“He’s was meeting with members of parliament but he’s been called back, because of your, um, announcement.”

From the hall outside the door, Phil could hear voices and they were coming closer. He stood and pulled the chair away from the sofa. For Adrian’s sake, it’s probably best not to look too cozy in here. He stood near the wall, then next to where Adrian sat, then over near the desk. He leaned then thought better of it and stood up straight. He crossed his arms then uncrossed them.

“Phil.” Adrian said, watching Phil fidget. “You got this. You have the upper hand.”

“Do I? Then why do I feel like I’m about to face my executioner?”

Upper hand, he had the upper hand. He didn’t believe that for a moment but feigning confidence was a skill that Phil had carefully honed over the years. He had such a low opinion of Walter, that could only help. Walter was the reason Dan had left. Walter was the reason he was laid out on a slab, clinging to life. Walter threatened Phil’s family. He threatened Phil’s family. He repeated it like a mantra in his mind, feeling his blood pressure rise. Phil had never hit anyone is his life but he really felt like he could deck Walter, lay him right out. He’d stay calm, let that simmer just under the surface. Walter had to see that rage behind his eyes.

The door swung open. Walter and Danielle walked in, flanked by guards. Two other men and a women, all dressed in suits, all with monitors in their ears, followed behind. Phil hadn’t seen Walter and Danielle occupy the same space before. It was jarring. They didn’t look like anyone’s mum and dad. Danielle stepped forward to lean in and kiss Adrian’s head, then sat down next to him. She looked up at Phil and her eyes met his. He knows that look, it’s the look she wore when he first met her, eyes sunken, sleep deprived, red rimmed from crying.

Phil’s eyes swung from Danielle to Walter and his body reminded him of what was at stake. Walter took a step toward him but before he could speak, Phil extended his hand.

“Good afternoon, Sir.” Walter shook his hand weakly, a suspicious tilt to his brow. Phil continued, “Thank you for coming. We have a lot to discuss.” His heart beat like drum in his ears. It took everything he had to steady his hand, completely unwilling to let this man see him shake.

“Yes, we do.” Walter was caught off guard. He was ready to storm in here and start shouting and berating and Phil had definitely disrupted his rhythm. Before he could continue, Phil spoke again.

“Have a seat, Walter, I’ve got a lot of questions.”

Walter’s eyes narrowed, his temple quivered and a rush of red colored his face, his fists clenched at his sides. As frightening as it was, Phil knew it gave him an advantage. Walter couldn’t allow himself to explode. He couldn’t throw Adrian to the ground here, in front of Phil. He’d be off balance, holding back. He spoke low with a measure that made it clear he was close to breaking.

“I’m not here to answer your questions. And the one only reason you are here is damage control. You won’t be leaving anytime soon so I suggest you have seat.”

Phil placed his hands behind him, leaning a little on the desk. Now that he’d made his show, he could look casual, show Walter he wasn’t feeling any pressure. 

“No thanks, I’ll stand.” He said, “And I believe I’m free to go anytime.” Phil glanced at the guards. 

“I could have you jailed for treason! You’ve slandered a member of the royal family.”

Phil just shook his head, “Yeah, I don’t think so. I doubt you’d have such a paparazzi problem if you could actually do that. Tell me why you aren’t letting me see Dan.”

“Your presence is no longer required.”

“And what the hell does that mean?”

“Daniel’s condition has taken a turn. He will be moved to hospital this evening where they can run further tests and more carefully monitor him.” Walter shows no emotion aside from anger. You’d never know he was talking about his son.

“What? Taken a turn? What sort of turn? I was here yesterday and he was doing better than ever. We were almost there! What the fuck did you do?”

“Watch your tone with me, Philip.” Walter lowered his head and looked up at Phil. “Daniel began to slip away in the night. Our doctors were able to stabilize him but he needs to be under constant observation. He’ll be put into a medically induced coma in hopes that it keeps him in a from losing any brain function while the physicians investigate further.”

“A medically induced...But he was just sleeping when I was here. Right? He was getting better. He’s not slipping away. He’s not.” His voice is starting to shake. 

Any act Phil had put on has given way to fear and very real anger. He’s desperate, searching the room for a shred of decency or sanity or just a small bit of sympathy. “Danielle, you know I was helping him. Please.” Danielle dabbed her eyes and shook her head slowly.

“What if he stays right at the edge?” She said. “Are you just going to grow old with him in there? You can’t just sit with him forever, Philip.”

“Why not?” Phil asked, his eyes pleading, “I’m fully prepared to live out my life in that room if need be. I won’t give up on him.”

“It’s out of your hands.” Walter said. “Go back to your life. As of now, you will no longer have access to the prince.”

“No. You can’t do this. Have you seen the response to my story? I bet the lawn is packed full.” He’s pacing and pointing, his mind racing to find some solution. “I won’t go quietly, everyone will know what you’ve done. If he dies… If he dies.” Phil’s knees went weak. He walked to the chair near the wall and sat, his hand over his mouth, his heart beating fast and hard in his chest. 

After a few moments, he looks up at Walter, “Let me in, just to say goodbye. Please, sir.” Walter’s about to exploit Phil’s moment of weakness when he looks to Adrian who has been busily typing away on his phone. 

“Adrian! Goddamnit. Put that bloody phone away. Who could you possibly be texting right now? You ungrateful little prick.”

Walter tore the phone from Adrian’s hand and began to read. Adrian squeezed his mother's hand tightly and ducked in front of her as Walter came after him. He stopped short, his hand hovering where it wanted to grab Adrian by the shirt. 

“What? Adrian, what did you do?” Phil asked gently.

Adrian shook, but his eyes were steely, fixed on his father as he spoke to Phil. “I just texted my grandmother.”

“You’ve been texting? With the queen?” Phil said, stunned. “She does that? You can just do that?”

“She’s my grandma, Phil. She loves me.” Danielle smiled slightly at her son, clearly proud of his courage. Walter was huddled with the two suits he came in with, talking in hushed tones. 

Danielle stood. “Phil, darling, come here.” He stood and walked across to stand in front of the princess. She smoothed his hair and placed her hands on his shoulder, pushing back to correct his horrendous posture. “Stand up straight love, you’re about to meet your queen.”

“What? Wait. Now?” Before Phil could think or move, the guards were saying something into their com system and walking toward the doors. Phil took a deep breath and lowered his gaze to see a wheelchair pushed by a man so large, he made Dennis look like Ichabod Crane. The queen wore a knit suit in a very subdued shade of violet. The guard wheeled her right up to Phil, who bent slightly and met her reaching hand with his own. 

“Your majesty,” he said, bowing his head. She looked grumpy but kind, so different than how she looked in photos. He had no idea she was confined to a wheelchair. He smiled, remembering how Dan had spoken fondly of her.

“You must be Philip?”

“Yes ma’am. Phil actually.”

The queen looked around the room. “Well sit down everyone, if I can’t stand, you certainly don’t have to.” Looking back at Phil, who sat on the sofa, next to Adrian, she said, “You’ve caused quite a stir, young man. It won’t be easy to undo.”

“Yes ma’am.”

“May I ask why you decided to broadcast those things you said to the whole damn world?” Phil’s grandma never gets this grumpy.

“Well, ma’am. I’ve been here everyday and Dan has been improving. And when no one came for me, I was just really afraid.” He swallowed, “I needed to know if he was ok. I just wanted to get in here to talk to someone.”

“Hmm.” She gestured to her guard and he pulled her back so she could see more of the room. “Looks like it worked.”

“Yes ma’am.”

“And why do you think my grandson’s condition improves so much when you’re here?”

“Um.” Phil’s heart raced. “Because I improved his environment and spent time talking with him about things that matter to him.”

The queen huffed incredulously. “So you don’t believe in the curse then?”

“I don’t know ma’am. I just want Dan to get better.”

“Well, Phil, I do believe in the curse. It was my grandfather that brought all this about with his foolishness. And do you know what that means, Phil? Do you know what that says about why my grandson’s condition improves when you’re here?”

“Yes ma’am. It’s because… because I’m destined to be with him. Because he loves me and I love him.”

The queens lip curled and she made a rumbling sort of retching sound in her throat. It could only be interpreted as disgust. Phil’s heart sank. 

“You’ve refused all of our conditions thus far. We would very happily have kept you in a comfortable life in exchange for a kiss followed by silence. What you did today has really tied my hands, Phil.” She said, exasperated.

“With all due respect ma’am. Dan would have never gone along with that plan. I think you know that.” 

“Perhaps that’s true, though we will never know. The time has come for action. We appreciate the time you’ve invested but Daniel will be moved to hospital today to explore other avenues for his recovery.”

Walter moved to stand next to the queen, once again attempting to assert some kind of dominance in the room. “Well then, I’m sorry we wasted your time time mother. Philip and I will work out the details of cleaning up the mess he made today. I’ll let you know when the ambulance arrives for Daniel.”

The queen glared up a her son. “Walter, I’ll thank you to leave me to make my own decisions regarding how I spend my time.” Turning back to Phil, her face stern, she picked up where she left off. “I expect you will come to agree on a plan with my advisers, Phil. The public is quick to believe what we tell them. A delusional young man with a crush will be forgotten in a matter of weeks.”

“Your majesty, please, I can’t. My career won’t recover from that. And my fans won’t buy it, trust me.”

“Y our fans? You mean the hordes currently clogging up my garden? Pshh. They’re children, it will be out of their minds in a matter of days. You should disappear for a bit though. We’ll provide a stipend, temporarily of course, until Daniel is settled in and some of this blows over.”

Phil didn't argue, there seemed to be no point. Maybe the physicians at the hospital could help Dan or maybe Phil could talk some sense into them once they review Dan’s records. He had absolutely no intention of lying to the public but if he was going to get home again, he’d just have to smile and nod. Right now, he just needed to see Dan, know he was ok, and get out of this place.

“Yes ma’am. But there is one thing. I’d like to just say goodbye to Dan.” His eyes welled with tears, his voice cracked, there was no hiding this grief. There was a real chance that he’d never see Dan again. These people had the power to make that happen. 

“Absolutely not.” Walter boomed. 

“Ma’am, was there ever a man you loved? A man you couldn’t be with, had to say goodbye to?”

“That’s quite enough!” Walter shouted but the queen held a finger up abruptly, quieting him immediately.

“I know you don’t understand what Dan and I have but he talked to me about you. He loves you so much. I know you understand why I have to be able to say goodbye. Please ma’am.” Phil wiped the tear that ran down his cheek.

The queen lifted her chin, she had a way of appearing ten feet tall just by squaring her shoulders. “You may go in, guarded, and say goodbye. You may not kiss him, Phil. That chapter has closed. If you so much as move to touch more than his hand, the guards will remove you. Am I clear?”

Phil exhaled. “Yes ma’am. Thank you.”

“After, you’ll be brought back here. I expect a signed agreement regarding our next steps buy the end of today.” Phil nodded and the queen was wheeled to the door where she put her hand on the jamb to pause. She spoke with her back to Phil, “Phil, I know this will be a difficult day. I pray you find your way and I wish you the best.” She lowered her hand and was wheeled out with Walter and the advisers and guards following close. Phil was left with Danielle and Adrian. Some small weight had lifted and now Phil felt the full impact of possibilities around what he had done. 

“Danielle, I’m scared. My family, I’m a public figure. It’s very easy to find out who my mum is, my brother. I don’t feel safe, they took my phone, I can’t call them. God, what did I do?”

Danielle stood and went to Phil, kneeling in front of his chair and placing a hand on his cheek. The comfort was overwhelming and he broke into sobs.

“Philip, love, your family will be ok. I’ll send an officer to your mum’s just to be sure. I’ll let them know to tread lightly.”

“And my brother?”

“And one to your brother. I won’t let anything happen to them.” She pulled Phil’s head to her shoulder. “Shhh, it will all come out ok. I’m so sorry, love, I’m so sorry.”

 

* * *

 

 

 

Phil knew Dan wouldn’t have his phone on for Christmas day. He’d be taking part in all sorts of intricate traditions Phil didn’t understand. Phil imagined a tense and solemn event at Dan’s house and it made him sad. Dan should be here with him, decorating cookies and building snowmen and watching movies. He thought about what it would be like to grow up like Dan and figured he would have spent a lot of time in the kitchen with the help. Admittedly, Phil had a tendency to picture Dan’s life looking an awful lot like Downton Abbey.

The reality was colder and deep down, Phil knew that. He sent Christmas wishes anyway, of course.  _ Happy Christmas Dan. You’re the best gift I could hope for. _

He sent Christmas emojis hourly and photos of himself eating cookies, wearing a Santa hat, playing in the snow. He spent 20 minutes minutes getting just the right selfie by the tree in his new sweater and then ran to his room to take another with the sweater rucked up just a little. He knew Dan would love it but he blushed looking at his face in his first official sexy selfie. He hit send before he could think too hard and giggled at the thought of Dan waking up to all of these in the morning. 

Phil loved the day after Christmas almost as much as Christmas itself. Every year, he stayed in his pajamas all day, playing whatever new video games he got and eating leftovers. Tomorrow, he’d film a Christmas haul in his childhood bedroom but today he’d get to just exist in that magical space between Christmas and New Year. He woke and stretched, feeling warm and nourished by the past few days with his family. He grabbed his phone, ready to see Dan’s reaction to the barrage of messages he sent.

_ Merry Christmas Phil. I hope it was great. _

It was better than nothing. Maybe it was uncomfortable getting all those messages with his dad so close by. Maybe Phil should chill the hell out. They’d been apart longer than this before, it was only a few more days. There was just something about being apart during the festive season that added weight to the absence. Phil stopped messaging in favor of letting Dan take the lead. He didn’t want to seem too needy, he didn’t want to add to his stress. His friends sent wishes and photos of ridiculous gifts, they chatted about family and made plans for New Years. Normally, he’d be thrilled to be included but now he wished they’d all quiet down for the time being. Every phone vibration made his heart skip a beat. 

 

**Steven:** Someone come save me, I’ve overdosed on family.

**Steven:** My grandma got me a bible. For Christmas. Like wrapped and everything.

**Louise** : She’s trying to save your soul. You should thank her.

**Steven** : Louise, you know it’s far too late for that.

**Seth:** My grandma got me Bioshock Infinite and a new tripod. Amazon wish lists are your friend, mate.

 

_ Dan: I love you Phil, so much.  _

 

**Louise:** I’ve got an obscene amount of booze, you all better show up on NYE

**Seth:** Yeah boi! I’ll bring guacamole. Also I may have come out to my Grandma this morning. :)

**Steven:** Seriously, can your grandma just adopt me. I’ll be there Louise. Wouldn’t miss it. 

 

_ Dan: I wish everything were different. _

_ Phil: Are you ok? _

 

**Louise:** Where’s Phil? You’re coming to NYE, yes?

**Phil:** I’m here. Just busy. I don’t think I can make it, Louise, I’ve got a date for nye.

**Steven:** Ooh! Bring him Phil.

**Louise:** Who is it? Is it who I think it is?

**Phil:** Nah, that didn’t work out.

**Seth:** Secrets don’t make friends, you guys.

 

_ Phil: 3 more sleeps till I get to smooch you. I can’t wait for my new year’s kiss _

 

**Louise:** Can someone bring some games? Cards against humanity maybe?

**Steven:** That’s Phil’s department.

**Seth:** Phil’s not coming, remember?

**Steven:** Boooooo

 

_ Dan: I’m so sorry Phil. I have to stay a little longer. I’m not gonna make new year’s eve. _

_ Phil: Oh.  _

_ Dan: You’re still welcome at PJs, he adores you. _

_ Phil: When are you coming home? _

_ Dan: I’m not sure, a few more days. Family stuff, I’m really sorry. _

_ Phil: It’s ok. I just miss you. Tell PJ no thanks. I’ll probably just hang with Louise. _

 

**Phil:** Good news. My date backed out. I’ll bring games.

**Louise:** I’m sorry Philly. But so glad you’re coming.

 

_ Phil: I’m on the train home. Wish you were there waiting for me. _

_ Dan: Yeah. Have fun tomorrow night. Don’t worry about me.  _

_ Dan: I love you Phil _


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a couple more chapters and they are almost finished!  
> Come say hi on Tumblr @allthephils!  
> If you’d like to reblog/like, you can do that [here](http://allthephils.tumblr.com/post/179267956685/repose-rated-m-mentions-of-sex-sleeping-beauty/)

When the guards came for him, Phil stood and did his best to appear composed. Danielle and Adrian watched as he took his place between the two men, one of whom had pulled him in from outside earlier in the day. He sent a thin smile toward Adrian, hoping he knew that Phil cared about him, that he’s got someone else out in the world if he needs him. Danielle nodded with a soft smile of resolve. Without Walter by her side, she just looked like a well dressed, sleep deprived mum.

“This isn’t goodbye,” Phil said quietly in her direction, “I’ll see you all again.”

The guards led him through the halls. At first, one of them held him by the back of his arm but a pointed look from Phil put an end to that. He didn’t need to be treated like some sort of flight risk. He was even starting to believe that he was worthy of some consideration and respect here. He was after all, the man that Dan loved and if you were to believe the queen, his destiny.

 

The room was bare, stripped of all the loving attention Phil had given to make it a place worthy of Dan. It’s cold like this, tomb-like. The guards were ever present, not a step behind Phil on either side of him. There was a guard inside each door as well. He can’t pretend they’re not there, there’s no mistaking their presence and their purpose. The monitors and IV poles have moved center stage as well. It was so easy to ignore these things before, hidden as they were by clever placement and Dan’s dress uniform. Phil’s eyes moved toward Dan and settled for a moment, taking in the sight of his sunken face. All the color had drained out leaving dark circles under his eyes and none of the rosy hue that normally dances over the apples of his cheeks. His lips were pale and Phil’s lips prickled and buzzed with a need to kiss some pink into them. His gaze floated down to Dan’s chest, exposed inside his open shirt and jacket. Monitor leads dotted the smooth skin, wires snaking up and over his shoulder. Phil knew they were there but he hasn’t seen them and it’s a clear reminder that Dan’s not sleeping, he’s never been sleeping.

 

There was  something else too, large red marks on Dan’s chest where he was shocked with a defibrillator. It hit Phil all at once, the jarring realization that Dan was really that close to gone. They didn’t just stabilize him, they had to bring him back. He breathed faster, panic catching up to him. This was not the time for a show of emotion. Walter was almost certainly watching and he doesn’t deserve the satisfaction. Phil pulled a deep breath in through his nose and blew it out slowly. His eyes flit up and down Dan’s body, searching for some familiarity, something that felt like Dan was still there. Phil lifted his hand to brush Dan’s hair away from his forehead but stopped short, remembering the rules laid down today. Instead, he dropped his hand to rest on Dan’s. The guards moved in even closer and Phil looked back, one hand up, to show his compliance. Dan’s warm hand was just enough to quiet the pounding in Phil’s chest. He grabbed his usual chair, pulled it to his usual spot, right at Dan’s side, and sat.

 

“Hi Dan.” Phil said. He swallowed, keenly aware of the guards hovering over him. He told himself to ignore them, just focus on Dan. “Your grandma is a real spitfire, you know that? She sicked her guard dogs on me.” He forced a smile as if Dan could see him. “I think I messed up, I’m so sorry. I tried to do the right thing. You were coming back to me, I know you were.” His voice cracked and he steadied himself. “Maybe I should have kissed you the moment I got in here. I don’t know. I’m supposed to believe in things like destiny but I didn’t, not really. I keep telling myself I’ll find a way in, I’ll talk to the doctors, I’ll be there at the hospital. But then I remember who you are. You always made it so easy to forget. I guess I’ve been pretending a little bit.”

 

Phil paused to stare at Dan, to commit every feature to memory, beautiful, even in this state. “There are so many things I should have told you when you were with me. You made me feel loved every day Dan but I was too scared to give you just as much in return. I guess it didn’t matter in the end but I wish you knew for sure. I hate the thought of you trapped in there, still wondering how I feel. Or maybe you just know, you’re so much smarter than me when it comes to this stuff, so much braver.” Phil cleared his throat of the lump forming there. “You may never be mine but you are going to get better. Like Louise said, you aren’t going down like this. Your mum and Adrian are not going to give up on you, and I’m not either. I’m just not sure what that looks like yet.”

 

“Time’s up Mr. Lester.” The guard’s voice was gentle, far more so than it was earlier.

Finally, Phil let the tears fall, just softly, and he held Dan’s hand to his own face, pressing the knuckles to his lips. Carefully, he placed the hand back at his side, then pulled Dan’s jacket closed and fastened the buttons. He laced his fingers through Dan’s one last time and said what he should have years ago, “I love you Dan.”

 

* * *

 

  


“Hello darling.” Louise said as she slid in next to Phil. She kissed his cheek and put a hand on his shoulder. “It’s new year’s eve babe. Come have some fun.”

“I’m ok Louise, just not really feeling like a party.”

“Well then, we’ll just have to get you drunk and ply you with board games.”

Phil tried a small smile but it looked more sad than anything. He’d arrived with a tote full of games and 2 bags of crisps and proceeded to sit alone in front of a window for an hour.

“Do you want to talk about it? Is it the guy? The one that cancelled?” Louise asked, gently.

“Yeah. I’m just having a pity party. I’ll snap out of it. Make me a drink?” Phil said. He was worried about Dan, so worried. Something was clearly wrong or maybe not. Maybe this is just how it is when Dan spends too much time with his family. Maybe Phil was reading too much into it, taking it too personally. Either way, getting drunk with friends and playing games sounded like a good way to drown out some of the noise in Phil’s head. He just had to fake it till he was good and tipsy.

Louise came back with something pink in a tall glass.

“Here you go,” She said, “ it tastes like fruit punch but you’ll forget about what’s his name after two of these.”

He didn’t. Dan was on his mind all night. He did, however, get drunk enough to be positively scandalous at Cards Against Humanity before singing Toxic into the Karaoke machine in Louise’s lounge. He was a hit, people love a mess of a drunk on New Year’s after all. At midnight, he planted a big, affected kiss on his friend, Alex. He then slumped into the sofa, choking back tears, and proceeded to fall asleep. It’s a good thing Louise had a no phone rule. There were a lot of YouTubers at that party that would blog a drunk Amazing Phil kissing a boy in a heartbeat. Not that he would have cared. It all seemed so insignificant in the face of his real life, the one where his boyfriend was clearly going through something. The one where he couldn’t tell anyone about the most important person in his life. The one where he was in love with the future king of England.

Louise ended up stretched across the sofa, stocking feet in Phil’s lap. She let him sleep for a while but eventually, he felt her shoving his hip with her foot. Phil curled into himself and grunted.

“Philly, you are going to have a terrible crick in your neck. Lay down, I got you a blanket and a pillow.” She stood up and pulled Phil along, tucking a pillow behind his head. “Just be careful in the morning, the floor is littered with gays and influencers.” She snorted a laugh. Phil laid down and felt Louise cover him with a big furry blanket.

He was a little nauseous, pretty emotional, and bone tired, but this blanket and Louise’s velvet sofa felt so good. Something about being tucked in just made him feel safe and warm. That thought sunk in and suddenly he was flooded with the memory of Dan on their first date, so sweet, so beautiful, tucking him in with a kiss to his cheek. Remembering those lips on his skin for the first time was just a little too much in his current state and with a sputter, he started to cry. No, not just cry, he was a snotty, blubbering disaster.

“Oh Philly!” Louise cried, grabbing a tissue box from the end table. “Sweetie, who is this guy? What did he do to you?”

“Nothing, he’s perfect.” Phil said pathetically. “They’re happy tears Lou. I just miss him.”

“Oh babe.” Louise said, sitting down on the floor and leaning her head back on the sofa so she looked straight at the ceiling. “You’ve got it bad.”

“I do.” Phil blew his nose. “I really do. I promise I’ll tell you all about him soon. He doesn’t want anyone to know yet.”

Louise tipped her head toward Phil and raised a brow, “He cancelled on your New Year’s date and he won’t let you tell anyone about him? I’m not sure I like the sound of this guy. Is he married or something?”

“No! Louise!” Phil laughed through his tears but the thought occurred to him that loving a married man might actually be less complicated than loving a prince. “Of course not. He’s just not out. He had to be with his family today, it’s nothing sinister.”

“Alright, if you say so, but if he hurts you, I’ll cut a bitch. You let him know that.”

Phil smiled, “Ok Louise, I’ll be sure to tell him.”

“Phil, whatever happened with you know who?” Louise asked.

“Voldemort?” Phil answered, avoiding the question.

“Philip Michael Lester, you know full well who I’m talking about!” Louise leaned her head closer to Phil and whispered behind her hand, “Prince hotty, duke of cute booties? Come on, spill. I want details.”

“Nothing happened, Louise.” He hated lying to her when she was being so kind but he didn’t have a choice. “What you saw in my lounge was kind of it. He can’t date a commoner. It was fun though, while it lasted. It’s exciting to know that he was even attracted to me. Ridiculous but exciting.”

“Not ridiculous. Don’t you know you’re an absolute catch? You’re hot and you have a cool job and you’re funny and sweet and just lovable.” Louise looked to Phil but he had pulled a pillow over his face, embarrassed. “Can’t hide from the truth, love. I’m going to get some rest. G’night Phil.”

“Goodnight Louise.” Phil said, muffled through the pillow.

 

He woke when the sun rudely assaulted him through Louise’s big picture window. After grazing in the kitchen and drinking from the pot of coffee that someone had made, he showered, dressed, and snuck out without saying goodbye.

There were no messages waiting when he retrieved his phone from the basket by the door. He kept it in his pocket till he got home, then sent a quick, _Happy New Year, Dan_ before climbing into his bed to watch movies for the rest of the day. Hangovers and longing make good bedfellows and Phil intended to wallow until it was late enough to sleep again.

 

One day was all he allowed himself. He was up bright and early the next morning, at least early for him. Normally, after being away, he’d go out for coffee but the potential for paparazzi stalkers had him trapped inside. Tabloid conjecture about Phil and his relationship with Dan could be more than Dan could handle just then. He’d been so upset after the incident at the shelter. Phil’s stomach twisted itself into knots remembering Dan’s words; chaos, poison, and then, you’d be fine without me.

He’s always been ok on his own but something had changed when Phil met Dan. He wasn’t sure if he would be fine without him and he didn’t want to find out. Phil’s mind raced as he busied himself with whatever tasks he could find around his flat. The pattern they’d fallen in to, spending every night together, sneaking and hiding, it can’t last. It can’t all be take out and video games, snuggling and sex and breakfast in bed. It’s wonderful and romantic and completely unrealistic. He had to stop pretending that Dan belonged to him. As cheesy as it sounded, Dan belonged to England. And he belonged to his family, as harsh as they may be.

Phil’s heart felt heavy, like the weight of what Dan was going through had finally settled there and his rib cage was having a hard time containing it. He was going to have to carry some of that if he hoped to make a life with Dan. He was going to have to be a whole lot stronger than he had ever been. Dan’s family, with their conditional love, and total lack of warmth and safety, didn’t seem like a family at all to Phil and he realized now what that meant. Phil was meant to be the constant in Dan’s life, the calm in the chaos. Phil was meant to be Dan’s family.

They would have to build something real, something no one could question. Dan had known it all along, despite Phil’s fear fueled attempts at reason. That feeling he had, when they kissed for the first time, that feeling of being so sure of something. He’d tried to subdue it, he’d pushed away the intensity and refused to say the words but now he was done fighting it. There was never any doubt and there isn’t any now. Any fear he had felt was drowned out by a vision of his future with Dan.

When he sat down to dinner, he finally allowed himself to look at his phone. It had been silent all day but nothing would rock his resolve tonight. _It’s ok_ , Phil thought and he typed out a message for Dan.

  _I’m still out here and I’m still yours._


	19. Chapter 19

It was the the adrenaline rush, the risk of being caught, that kept Dan sneaking in and out of nightclubs and hotel rooms. The thrill was just enough to keep his eyes open. That thrill only goes so far though and the need for a moment of irrelevance took over. Giving the guards the slip and climbing the stairs to sit alone in the corner of the bakery was a dangerous, stupid move. It’s just that, of all the things that he did to feel alive, this was the only one that really worked. Sitting, wrapped up in his hoodie, eating a cake shaped like a farm animal, he felt almost normal, not that he even knew what that meant.

 

He knew he’d only get this once. He’d be on a short leash after pulling something like that. He figured he’d sit alone and drink in the solitude and then Dennis would come drag him away and that would be that. Then there was Phil, slowly, carefully climbing the last few steps to sit in this windowless upstairs room even though it was sunny outside. He sat down and he looked over just long enough for Dan to see him and something changed. He wasn’t going to be able to walk away, he was going to miss him. It was like he recognised him from a piece of his life that hadn’t happened yet. 

 

So he did it again. It took much more cunning the second time but he managed. He was just going to ask about him, he didn’t think he’d actually be there. He climbed the stairs anyway, just in case and there he was, disappearing into the toilets. He was unmistakable, more so because of how the little hairs on Dan’s neck stood up than because of any discernible features in that split second of spotting him. One thing Dan had learned from public life is how to fake it so he steadied his shaking hands and sat down at the one occupied table. He acted cool and left his number and pretended he wasn’t the goddamn future king of England. He was just a guy that could meet another guy in the bakery. A cute, funny guy with a gorgeous smile and amazing cheekbones and cooler hair than him. 

 

Memories got further and further away but Dan chased them even though he was so sleepy. That awful party, the way Phil looked standing awkwardly by the food. Dan had never related to anyone so much in his life. They were a world apart but they were also one and the same. Any other night, he would have gone home with him. That night was different though. That night didn’t feel like an escape, it felt like a beginning. Laying on the beach with Phil, like people do, regular people. Phil saw right through every facade, right through to Dan and Dan just wanted to make him happy. He’d never been so content eating lunch off a coffee table.

 

Phil’s voice danced through his head. His sleepy, grumbly voice, his lilting, laughing, sing song voice, his deep sincere voice. They all took their turn. Sometimes, in dreams, you see yourself dreaming and you wonder  _ what’s all this?  _ Dan had become accustomed to dreaming of Phil but this beautiful voice in his head was new. So clear to Dan, like it was yesterday, like he hadn’t been missing him for years.

Phil told the story of them, of Dan and Phil. Nothing was ever so natural. Kisses don’t feel like that unless they mean something. Dan was afraid of every damn thing in the perfectly manicured, predetermined landscape of his life. But he wasn’t afraid of Phil. He wasn’t afraid of the pull in his gut when he saw him or the love that swelled in his heart when Phil leaned his head on Dan’s shoulder. He wasn’t even afraid of the want, want at a level he’d never experienced and didn’t understand. Or the crash of overwhelming desire he felt when Phil touched him. And he wasn’t afraid of the consequences. Reckless wasn’t new for Dan but it had never felt worth it before.

 

Dan remembered Dennis making it all so impossible. He remembered that kiss in the car, his hand wandering at the realization that Phil had wanted him. Phil had wanted him even before he knew him. Dan would think of Phil when he was alone. He’d conjure up lips and hands and whispers but he always drifted back to Phil talking to his houseplants or Phil watching nature documentaries and crying when the baby zebras get eaten. Eventually he’d come around to Phil having more faith in him than anyone ever had and Phil calling him baby, Phil holding him close. He could see that night now, the night he rode the tube, undoubtedly the riskiest stunt he’s ever pulled. He remembers how bold he felt. He remembers the towel dropping and the light turning off and the chill that ran up his spine when Phil’s fingers traced over it. That movie had played in his head again and again. Sex like that is supposed to be a fantasy, something in films that never really pans out in reality. Sex with someone new is messy and often awkward. And maybe it was, but it was also so tender, each touch charged with need and tempered by adoration. 

 

There was some change in the light but Dan wasn’t sure if it meant day or night. He couldn’t quite remember how to know, what to look for. He didn’t really care. He could have sat in that dream forever, that dream of nights and mornings and lazy conversations. He could have listened to the story unfold to a soundtrack of Chopin. He could have drifted there, a witness to something brief but extraordinary. He would have been content to stay asleep, dreaming Phil’s voice, if it meant he never had to leave the memory of what he lost. Phil, Chopin, Phil, Chopin. Dan didn't believe in heaven but if he had, he would have said it sounded something like that.

 

Sometimes it got darker, quieter, and those beautiful memories faded into less pleasant ones. Everything should have been ok, they should have seen the devotion in his eyes and understood. It should have been as clear to them as it was to him. He really believed they would have let go of all their preconceptions and bigotries. Iris had cried, not from disappointment but from joy, from shock and hope that Dan could maybe find something she thought she never would. He could see fear in her eyes as well but she didn’t voice it. He remembered her encouragement, her hand squeezing his under the table at dinner. He shouldn’t have been surprised at the reaction but he was. Of course Walter already knew about Phil, of course he threatened him, his family. 

Dan would have done anything to protect Phil, he would have run. They could have sought out sanctuary somewhere new, caused a national scandal. Dan would have left everything his life had been if he had to, if it meant Phil could be his and that it could be ok. He wanted to believe Phil would go with him. Adrian though, Adrian couldn’t run. He’d be stuck there with Walter to be beaten down and groomed into some husk of himself. How could Dan have been so selfish? How could he not consider how this would affect Adrian? He has to just step into line. He‘s stronger than his brother, he could survive it, make the best of it. He couldn’t bring everything down on Adrian, not to mention what his mother would have to endure. He sacrificed himself and that pain is what broke him down. He remembered telling them all they’d won. That he’d marry whomever they chose. Why did it matter anyway? If it wasn’t Phil, if it wasn’t someone he truly loved, it may as well be anyone. He floated through uni, numb, kept to himself, knowing that when he finished, his life was no longer his own.

 

Dan could feel himself sinking deeper into dreams and then right through them. It was just cold and silence now. He didn’t remember how long he’d been asleep, he wasn’t dreaming anymore. And then, a voice came through again, shaking Dan’s thoughts back to some sort of order. It was distant and hollow, like he was talking from the other side of a long corridor. Dreams are like that sometimes. Dan felt something slip between his fingers, something warm and familiar, and the soft press of lips against his knuckles. The voice became more clear.  _ Phil?  _ Was he here? That’s ridiculous, how would he even get in?  _ It’s a dream, Dan, just go with it.  _

 

“I love you Dan.”

 

Dan had waited for those words. At the time, it didn’t matter that Phil hadn’t said them, Dan knew. He felt it in every touch and kiss and look and smile. Hearing it now though, Dan felt the blood rush in his veins, the empty spaces in his heart filled, and he curled his fingers to hold tight to Phil. But there was nothing but the ache of long unused joints.  _ Phil?  _ Dan’s eyes fluttered open, his head dropped to one side, and he struggled to focus. He lifted his head but it fell back without warning. Diffused light streamed in from an open door, a silhouette moving through it. 

 

“Phil?” Dan’s voice was barely a whisper. He coughed meakly and tried again, his voice a croak, but loud enough now to be heard.

 

“Phil.”

 

________________________________________

 

It had been too many days since his fingers had slipped perfectly into the spaces between Dan’s, too many weeks without Dan’s heated kisses. He never thought he’d miss the long talks about why we are here and what is the goddamn point anyway, but he did. Phil missed his voice, he missed his dimples, and those perfect freckles on his cheek. He missed the way the curve of Dan’s hip feels under his hand first thing in the morning and the tickle of curls against his cheek as he falls asleep at night. If they could just have a conversation, just a little fix, the waiting wouldn’t be such torture. After calling three times to no answer, he went back to texting.

 

**Phil:** I miss you

**Dan:** I miss you too. I’m sorry.

  
  


**Phil:** I wish I could hold you right now

**Dan:** I know. I want that too.

 

After the first few messages, Dan stopped responding.

_ Come back now please.  _

_ Baby, I miss you.  _

_ Did I do something wrong?  _

 

It was getting harder and harder to feel hopeful but everyday he told himself it would all be worth it. However long Dan needed, Phil could wait. Two weeks had stretched into three, and now they’d been apart nearly a month. Today, like every day, Phil sent a message. 

_ Please just let me know you’re ok.  _

 

Pj had warned him that being with Dan would be difficult. He’d shrugged if off then but there was no denying it anymore. He remembered that conversation as he stared down at his phone, knowing nothing was coming. Eventually, he put the phone down to go take a shower. As he reached to turn on the water, he heard the doorbell. Initially, he thought he’d ignore it, he hated answering the door. Then again, it could be the post and the slim chance that Dan may have sent something was enough to motivate him. He reached the bottom of the stairs and opened the door. When he saw who it was, he was absolutely sure his heart stopped beating. 

 

“Dennis! What are you doing here? Where’s Dan?” 

Without a word, Dennis stepped aside, the door of the car parked behind him opened, and Dan climbed out. He hurried past Phil and up the stairs without so much as a hello. Confused as hell, Phil watched him run toward Phil’s door then looked back to see if Dennis was coming in. He was already gone, returned to the car to wait, apparently. Stunned, Phil heaved a breath and went to find Dan, his heart now beating frantically. 

_ “ _ Babe! Oh my god, you’re really here!” Phil said as he closed the door behind him. He turned, ready to rush into Dan’s waiting arms but then he saw him. He wasn’t stood , smiling, arms open. He was sat, elbows on his knees, hands folded. His head tipped forward so his mouth rested against his fist. Phil couldn’t make out his expression but he could hear his breath shaking and his eyes stayed down.

 

“Dan?” Phil sat next to him. “Dan, look at me. What’s happened? Are you ok? Is Adrian ok?”

 

Dan slowed his breathing and kept his eyes to the floor. “Sorry for the dramatic entrance. Dennis didn’t want me standing at the door.”

 

“Of course. I get it. It’s ok. What’s going on Dan?”

 

“Phil, I...we need to talk.”

 

“Ok.” Phil said meekly, not liking the sound of that. 

 

“I’ve had a lot of time while I’ve been home, a lot of time to think.” Dan didn’t sound like himself, he was holding so much back. Phil wanted to move in, to hold him, to kiss him, anything to free him from whatever was weighing him down so heavily. Instead, he just listened. 

 

“I’ve been neglecting my responsibilities, my family.” Dan said.

 

Phil moved closer and put a hand on Dan’s leg, aching for some kind of connection. 

“Oh.” He said. “Yeah, I’ve been thinking about that actually. About how we haven’t been realistic, we’ve been in honeymoon mode. I mean, I love it, but I know it can’t last.” 

 

Dan cleared his throat but didn’t move. 

Phil continued, “I thought we could make a plan, like a schedule. So you can get all your work done and meet your responsibilities. I want us to figure out real life, I know it’s complicated but I’m ready to do the work.” He gnawed on his lip, nervously watching Dan.

 

“No, Phil I…” Dan turned his head slightly. The moment his eyes met Phil’s, he quickly turned back. Phil could hear him sniffle, he could hear the squeak in his throat.

“Dan? Baby, I’m here. Talk to me.” He tightened his hand around Dan’s thigh, running his thumb gently back and forth. 

 

“Phil,” Dan’s voice was low and controlled, the words coming slowly through. “I don’t think we can do this anymore.”

 

“I know. I understand now.” Phil said, not letting the words sink too deep. “We’ve been living a fantasy. You just tell me what you need and I’ll make it happen. We got this, Dan. I know you’re stressed.”

 

Dan let out a high pitched “ha!” and Phil jumped. 

“Stressed?” He sounded angry, but only for a moment. “Is that what I am?” He was finally looking at Phil, with wet eyes and a deep crease between his brows. Fear begun taking back all the spaces in Phil’s heart where he’d worked so hard to banish it. Dan stood abruptly and Phil watched as he paced, resisting the urge to follow.

“Phil, it’s just... we’re so young. I’ve got uni next year and then who knows. I can’t… I can’t be starting something serious right now.”

 

“Starting something?” Phil asked, incredulous. “What are you talking about? What are you saying?” He looked up at Dan imploringly.

 

“I’m saying, this doesn’t make sense.” He waved his hand between the two of them. “You and me, we’re too different.”

 

“Bullshit.” Phil said, quietly.

 

“We’re too young, we, we moved too fast.” Dan said.

 

“Bullshit” Phil said, his voice a little louder now. “That’s for other people. You said it, you said that’s for other people.”

 

Dan stopped walking and stood, catching his breath, hand on his forehead. “I got carried away. In the romance or something. It was fun but life isn’t about fun.”

 

“Fuck that. That’s your father talking. That’s not you.” Phil stood and walked to Dan’s side. “Dan, look at me. What happened? What brought this on? Dan, I …”

 

“Nothing happened Phil.” Dan interrupted. “I just got a reality check. I’m sorry if I gave you the wrong idea.”

 

“The wrong idea.” Phil whispered and his knees swayed. “This isn’t happening. You love me Dan. I’m your person and you’re my person.” Phil heard his own voice pitch up as the tears began to roll down his cheeks.

 

Dan bit his lip and closed his eyes. He breathed in deeply. “I’m sorry Phil, this is for the best. I...I can’t see you anymore.”

 

Phil took a step closer so their faces were mere centimeters apart. Dan turned his head to the side. 

“Dan. Look at me.” 

 

Dan gasped, his eyes squeezing shut.

 

“Fucking look at me. This isn’t right. If we’re done, if it’s over, I need you to say it.” Phil’s hand curled into fists, tears streamed hot over his face. “Look me in the eye and tell me it’s over.”

 

They stood like that for some time, Phil’s breath on Dan’s cheek, the room stifled by the silence. Finally, Dan sniffed. He squared his shoulders and lifted his head. His eyes locked with Phil’s and he swallowed thickly before he spoke, “It’s over.” 

 

The words hit Phil like a wrecking ball and the air rushed out of him. He gasped for oxygen as he turned to see Dan throw open the door and run down the stairs.

 

“No. No, Dan. Wait! Please!” He ran after him but he was in the car when Phil reached the door to the street and all he could do was watch him drive away.

 

He wasn’t sure how he climbed the stairs or when he got into bed but that’s where he found himself. The room showed no signs of all the life that happened here, no sign of Dan. All the things he had brought over were packed up and taken before Christmas. No evidence, nothing but texts and a couple of photos on his phone. He didn’t even have a photo of them together. The only proof that any of it was real was the hopelessness sitting in the pit of Phil’s stomach. Curling onto his side, he waited for an onslaught of tears that didn’t come. All he felt was pain, low throbbing pain just under the skin and a solid pressure on his chest that told him he’d never breathe the same way again. He reached into his nightstand and dug until he found the sleeping pills he used on long flights. Swallowing two, he closed his eyes and begged his body to just make it stop. 

 

Sleep was the only release from the constant thrum of heartbreak. The days crept by and he kept expecting him, kept reaching out to the empty space beside him in bed, half asleep. Some mornings, he’d roll into that empty space, mind tricking him into thinking Dan was up early making breakfast. Then he’d find the space cold and dissolve into tears. He texted again and again but the lack of response was more painful than if he’d never tried at all. Eventually he called only to find the line out of service. The pain was relentless. It twisted in his gut and burned in his chest and just never let up. He wondered how on earth he was supposed to survive this. 

 

Each week was just something to get through. The tears would come without warning, ruining countless takes of artificial smiles and feigned normalcy. A week after he cancelled his birthday, Martyn showed up at his door. He pulled him out into the world. He fed him and held him, a rarity for Martyn. He told him it would get better, that he didn’t have to believe him but he promised it would. He told his own story of lost love but it didn’t compare. Nothing would ever compare to that love or to the pain Phil felt. 

 

The videos got easier little by little. He bought some new houseplants and found other bodies to distract at least one piece of him. He let his friends in again, making excuses for his absence. Everything was off balance, incomplete, but the pain dulled more and more as months passed. The sadness stayed though. It built a home in Phil’s chest and moved in for good. Over time, he forgot it was there unless something reminded him, an accidental glance at a tabloid, the tv on at his mum’s. And the men that loved Phil next, they saw it. By then, he just dismissed it, denied it had any effect at all. He just wasn’t good at relationships, he could never fully commit. It just wasn’t his nature. He told himself it had nothing to do with Dan, nothing to do with questions unanswered or the love of his life walking out and never looking back. It had nothing to do with a wound in his heart that never healed and never would. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come say hi on Tumblr [@allthephils](http://allthephils.tumblr.com)  
> 


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the final chapter! So sorry it took forever to post but real life needed all of me this past month. Thanks to everyone who has read this fic. I’m quite happy with it!

_Phil?_ Sometimes a crack in the ceiling takes the shape of a spider, a coat on the rack is the specter of a man, crouched and waiting. Sometimes an old castle creaks and sounds like a name. A grieving man has a vivid imagination. He could hear his voice, barely a whisper, _Phil._ He didn’t pause but slowly moved toward the world outside, a world without Dan.

“Phil.”

Frozen, Phil stood, knowing it wasn’t real. He was only hearing what he desperately wanted to hear. He made no move to turn but his body refused to carry him away from the sound. The guards gave him his moment, their eyes averted, more patient than you would expect.

“Phil.”

A little louder, hoarse, strained, but unmistakable. Phil’s legs threatened to give out and he swayed a little where he stood. His heart was in his stomach and fear held him fast to the space just before the door. He told himself to turn around, turn around and know for sure. He didn’t turn but lifted his head and caught the eyes of the guard to his right just as he clearly heard too.

 

“Phil, wait.”

 

“Dan?” It was a whisper, spoken to the disbelief that hung in the air ahead of him.

 

“It is you,” Dan answered, “don’t go.”

 

Phil turned, the room around him a blur, the guards voices a vague static. He turned until something came into focus. Dan’s hand reaching out, his eyes, his gorgeous, brown eyes. Brown, like rich, rained on soil, rife with potential, shining with the promise of more. How he didn’t fall to his knees, he couldn’t say. Somehow, his body brought him closer to Dan, step by step, his heartbeat a cacophony through every inch of him.

Phil cursed his tears for making the view so muddy. Dan was awake, eyes open, smiling softly, lifting his head just slightly. He could throw himself across him. He could pull him up into his arms and hold him there for as long as he’d let him. Instead, he stared into impossibly alive eyes and just cried.

Dan reached for his hand and held on, he smiled and laughed a little and his own tears rolled.

 

“What are you doing here?” Dan said through sniffles. He turned his head and a look of fear fell over his face. “Wait, where are we? What’s going on?”

 

“You’re ok! That’s what’s going on. You’re awake and you’re here and you’re ok.” Phil lifted Dan’s hand to kiss his knuckles, watching confusion and joy struggle in his eyes.

 

“I don’t understand. How did you get in? How did I get here?” Realization crept in and Dan’s voice tilted with panic. “Phil, please, tell me what’s happening.” Dan tried again to lift his head, then pulled his hand away to help himself sit up. The monitor leads pulled and he threw a hand to his chest. Frantic, he tore at his buttons, desperately trying to open his jacket.

 

“Dan, wait. It’s ok. You’re safe. Let me explain.” Phil grabbed at Dan’s searching hands and steadied them. He held Dan’s gaze and he seemed to calm just a bit.

 

“Phil, why am I in full dress?”

 

It took Phil a moment to know what he meant. The uniform, he'd been dressed for a funeral, or that’s how it always looked to Phil. He didn’t know what to say, where to start.

 

“Let’s just take a minute, Dan. I need to catch my breath. I can’t believe you’re awake and you're here with me.” Phil sat and reached a hand to cup Dan’s cheek.

 

Dan’s expression softened some as he searched Phil’s eyes.

 

“I was dreaming of you.” He smiled. “I was dreaming about us, when we met, when we…” He blushed and looked down at his hands, one of which was still holding Phil’s. I dreamed that you loved me. I heard your voice telling me.”

 

“I do love you, Dan. So much.” Sitting there, inches from Dan, guards chattering on walkies, it took every ounce of restraint Phil had to not scoop him up and walk out of there. “Dan, that was me. I’ve been here. Every day. You didn’t dream me, you heard me. I love you. I’m so sorry I never said it before. I won’t make that mistake again.”

 

“You’ve been here? Where is here?” His voice has wavered, fear creeping back in. “What the fuck is going on? Phil, how long have I been asleep?” Phil pulled Dan into a tight embrace.

 

“Step away from the Prince!” A guard shouted and Phil pulled back abruptly. The door flew open and Walter rushed in. Danielle shoved past him with Adrian close behind. She moved in to hold her son as Phil stepped aside. Adrian tucked in close, wrapping his arms around Dan's shoulders as best he could with his mother already there. Phil wiped his tears and readied himself. He couldn’t be sure how Walter would react but he wasn’t backing down. If Dan had come back to him, he was not letting him go, regardless of the fight.

 

“Mum?”

 

“Daniel. My sweet boy. You’re here, you came back to us.” She’s smiling through tears, punctuating every thought with a kiss to the cheek.

 

Dan looked up at Adrian who was positively wracked with sobs, his hand clamped to Dan’s shoulder. “Hey. Adrian, it’s ok buddy.” Dan pulled himself up a little straighter with some difficulty and reached down his shirt to start pulling leads off. “Does someone want to tell me what the actual fuck happened to me?”

 

Stepping forward, Walter did his best to maintain his perceived dominance in the face of all the reunion and celebration. He began to explain Dan’s condition, complete with medical jargon and all the detached coldness Phil had come to expect from him.

 

“You succumbed to the curse, love.” Danielle interjected to a huff from Walter. “We beat you down,” her eyes on Walter, “we broke you, and we nearly paid for it with your life.”

 

Dan’s shoulders slumped, he took a few long, slow breaths. Phil watched him struggle under the confirmation of what he must have suspected was happening. When their eyes met again, Dan’s breath stuttered, the implication settling in. It occurred to Phil that he and Dan may not want the same thing. He’d had time to to process it all, to realize how deeply he and Dan’s connection still ran for him. Dan though, he must be so confused. He’d given up, he was ready to marry whatever poor soul was put in front of him. He must have closed his eyes filled with grief and courage and resignation and now he’s opened them to this; to Phil saying he loved him and curses and an entirely different future. The thought washed over Phil, a future with Dan, a difficult, complicated, public future with Dan. If Dan would have him, he’d spend the rest of his life thanking god for every difficult moment.

 

Suddenly overwhelmed by the possibilities that lie ahead, Phil stepped forward. With a hand to Danielle’s shoulder, he carefully moved past her and sat down next to Dan, taking his hand and lacing their fingers together. He could feel Dan soften into him, his body leaning just slightly into Phil’s side.

 

“Is this really happening, Phil? I’m not still sleeping am I?”

 

“No Dan, you aren’t sleeping. It’s really happening.” Phil said, looking into Dan’s eyes, so close now.

 

“So you’re really here?” Dan said softly, “and I get to keep you?”

 

Phil smiled around a watery laugh and Dan wiped away a tear for him.

 

“I’m so hungry. I need pizza.” Dan’s head was resting on Phil’s shoulder now. There was a warmth to the room as they all laughed and quietly exchanged words of love and comfort. All except Walter.

 

“Well, I know we are all very happy to see Daniel feeling better but we need to get him back on the monitors, get the physicians back in here. We’ll need to craft a statement for the press and there’s still that agreement for Phil to sign. Mother’s advisers should have everything prepared by now.” Walter gestured to the two guards who had brought Phil to the room. “Escort Mr. Lester back to the parlor please. See that his phone is returned before he leaves, but only after the agreement has been signed and witnessed.”

 

“Before I leave?” Phil squared his shoulders and looked to Walter, exasperated. “I’m not going anyway, sir.”

 

“You’re emotional, I realize that, but nothing has changed, Philip.”

 

“Everything has changed!” Phil stood and looked Walter in the eye. “And my name is Phil, you arrogant, cold hearted, soulless…”

 

“Phil!” Dan is utterly shocked but there’s a lilt of amusement to his voice as well.

 

Walter’s hands curled into fists, his temples pulsed, a familiar scene for Phil. The intimidation he usually hid was nowhere to be found. All he felt was fierce protection and confidence and a complete lack of willingness to compromise. Walter took one small step closer, bringing him just inches from Phil, his hand moving to grip him by the arm.

 

“I’d appreciate if you’d get your hand off me, sir.” The chill between them was stark, a front moving in amidst all the warmth.

 

“Yes, with all due respect sir, I’m going to have to ask you to move back.” The voice came from the door and came closer as Dennis drew near. He stopped at Phil’s side, angled just so, casting a pretty daunting shadow.

 

The color in Walter’s face spoke before he could. He sputtered and choked on his anger so Dennis helped him out.

 

“I am sworn to protect Prince Daniel, sir. If Phil, Mr. Lester, is betrothed to the prince, he falls under my protection as well. Only the queen can relieve me of that duty sir. So again, I’ll ask you to please move back.”

 

“Betrothed?” Dan said, shifting where he sat and Phil wished he could get a few minutes alone with him. This isn’t something they should be discussing with an audience.

 

“Dan, we don’t have to talk about this now. You need to focus on getting better.”

 

“But I am better, Phil. You made me better, didn’t you?.” Dan wiped both hands over his face, clearing away tears, not sure whether they were old or new. He wiped them on his trousers then took Phil’s face in his hands. “And now they can’t keep us apart.”

 

The sound of Walter’s growl and Danielle’s subsequent shush is lost on them. They may as well be alone for how they both stare, each breathing the other in. “You can take as much time as you need but I’m done losing you.” Dan says, confident.

 

“I’ve taken more time than I ever wanted, Dan. Whatever comes next, I’m here.”

 

Danielle waited as long as she could but Dan truly did need to be seen by the doctors. There was work to be done, press releases to write, strategies to plan, and the very delicate task of briefing the queen. “Let’s get you to your room, Daniel. You can shower and dress and we’ll get you that pizza.”

 

As Phil stood to help Dan up, Danielle threw her arms around him. She held him tight, speaking volumes in her embrace. Once she loosened her hold, Phil locked his teary eyes with hers.

 

“We got him back, Danielle.”

 

“I know, Phil.” She held his face just like Dan had and said, pointedly. “Thank you.”

 

Dennis walked Phil and Dan through the halls to Dan’s room. He went over what would likely happen next, when Phil could contact his friends and family, and so forth. He promised them privacy until the doctors arrived and vowed to bring pizza as soon as it was ready.

 

“I’ll be right outside the door,” he explained. “I’ll wear headphones. I don’t need to hear what you lot get up to.”

 

“Dennis,” Dan said, ignoring Dennis’ words, “I know you’ve been watching over me for, well however long this has been going on. Thank you for that and for what you did back there.” Dan put out his hand for a shake but Dennis pulled him in for a hug, knocking the air out of Dan before letting him go.

 

“I’m right outside.” Dennis walked out and shut the door behind him.

 

Dan watched it shut and turned to face Phil, who had sunk into a chair in the corner. He sat forward, elbows on his knees, and looked up at a ghost. He let some time pass, just looking, afraid to move or speak or breathe too loud.

 

“Hi.” Dan finally said, barely breaking the silence.

 

“Are you real?” Phil asked.

 

Dan nodded and bared his dimples. He put his hand out in invitation. “My betrothed.” There should have been mock reverence in his tone but it came out so genuine.

 

Phil stood, eyes on Dan’s outstretched hand. Slowly, he raised his own arm to take it and then, all at once, he pulled Dan to him and crushed his body to Dan’s. His arms wrapped tight around someone more precious than he could have ever known. His embrace was rough, desperate, erasing any space that rudely lingered between them. They wrapped around each other, holding on for dear life, each one’s breath a warm reminder of life on the other's neck.

 

Far too soon, there was a knock at the door and slowly, they stepped away from one one other. Dan opened the door and an advisor Phil remembered from the earlier in the day walked in. Was that today? He’d lived weeks in the past few hours and he marveled at the memory of what he did to get here. Feeling unsteady, he sat back into the armchair.

 

The advisor explained that the queen had been briefed and had retired for the evening. With kind eyes, she told Phil that word of his whereabouts and safety had been delivered to his family and that they were under watch in their homes. She handed Dan an itinerary for the following day. There would be strategy meetings and planning with Dan’s personal secretary but all of that could wait. There would, however, be a formal audience with the queen for he and Phil to confirm their intentions and two doctor’s appointments.

 

“A room has been readied for Mr. Lester just a few doors down.” She added once Dan had acknowledged the plans. “You’ll find linens, night clothes, and toiletries there, but should you require…”

 

“Phil is staying with me tonight.” Dan interrupted.

 

She opened her mouth to speak but she stopped herself, smiled slightly, and after a pause, added, “Of course. I’ll have Mr. Lester’s things brought here then.” She walked toward the door and just before leaving, turned back. “Congratulations to you both. If I may speak for the staff, sirs, we are all quite happy for you.” With a small curtsy, she was gone and Dan rushed back to Phil, dropping to his knees and taking Phil’s hands in his.

 

“Don’t be scared.” That itinerary was nothing compared to a normal day but Dan knew the prospect of meeting with the Queen must be daunting.

 

“I’m not.” Phil answered without hesitation. “I fought for you, Dan. I fought my way in, I stood up to your father. I’ve never done anything like that in my life but I did it. Your grandmother's ok. I think I understand her. Anyway, it was her decree that said it. I brought you back so I’m entitled to…” His voice got quieter, “marriage and all that entails.”

 

“And all that entails. Are you ready for that?” Dan asked, so close the words danced over Phil’s lips, a breeze warm and full of promise. Phil only nodded and cradled Dan’s cheek in his hand.

 

His eyes closed, Dan let himself rest into the touch. “You brought me back.”

 

“Yeah, I think I did.”

 

“With a kiss?” Dan’s eyes fluttered open.

 

“I don’t know.” Phil said thoughtfully. There would be a time for the whole story, but this wasn’t it. “I talked to you everyday, I played you music. I just loved you and I kept hoping. In the end, I only touched your hand to my lips, it could barely be called a kiss. Maybe you just got better or maybe I did break the curse, maybe I just needed to say the words.”

 

Dan is in awe, his eyes flit about Phil’s face at the speed of his racing mind. “I feel like you gave me this enormous gift, letting me love you. I’m going to spend the rest of my life thanking you if you’ll let me.”

 

There were no words left, none that would encompass the magnitude of joy and love and gratitude that threatened to burst from Phil’s chest. There was one thing that he nended to ask though.

“Dan,” their eyes locked and Phil thought he might float away, “Dan, may I kiss you?”

 

A wide smile bloomed across Dan’s face, in his eyes, in his cheeks, and in his lips as he brought them softly against Phil’s.

 

***

 

Morning had never looked so beautiful, streaming through warped old glass and between heavy velvet curtains. Phil had tried to scramble out of the bed when breakfast was brought in but Dan held fast to his arm with reassurances and soft kisses to his palm. Phil was able to call the most important people. Wild excitement bubbled out of him once he heard the voices of people who loved him and he cried and laughed with them, overwhelmed with relief.

 

The meeting with the queen was brief, ending when her eyes threatened to spill her stifled tears. The doctors issued a clean bill of health and promises to return tomorrow. Dan would spend the rest of the day in bed, recuperating, with one brief exception. After a morning press release and delivery of a fresh suit for Phil, they stood just inside the inside the gate, a wall of guards in front of them. They could hear the crowd outside, gathered under umbrellas in the evening rain.

 

Dan’s hand slipped from Phil’s and with a wink, he followed his guards through the gate to stand in the lawn. A crowd of hundreds had gathered alongside news cameras and reporters. A sea of phones were held aloft to capture the moment in real time. Dan waved like he’d been taught to do his whole life. He smiled and made light of the frightening ordeal he’d been through. He told his people he was ok, that he was strong and healthy, and that they could count on him. The crowd cheered and cried and held up signs. Phil hardly thought he had room for more emotion but the pride that sunk in proved him wrong.

 

All the things he knew Dan to be, confident, loving, steady, they were all on display but not for himself or for Phil or Adrian, but for England. Finally he was witness to what he knew but hadn’t really seen, Prince Daniel, Duke of Cambridge, second in line to the throne, and Phil’s whole world.

 

“There will of course be more complete information forthcoming, but I wanted to see you all and give you my heartfelt thanks in person.” Dan put his hand over his heart.

“Thank you. To each and every one of you who kept me in your thoughts while I was ill. And to everyone who has supported me and continues to do so. You are as important to me as I am to you.”

 

Dan cleared his throat and looked back to where Phil waited. “I’m going to have to climb back into bed soon or my mother will leak embarrassing baby photos to the press as punishment.” Dan paused for the crowd to titter and laugh. “But there is one additional matter. As some of you know, my recovery was assisted by the presence of a dear friend. He sat with me and brought light when I could have been trapped in the dark. He was my angel and he brought me back.” He looked back again and Phil stepped forward, nudged by Dennis and absolutely shaking. He took his place at Dan’s side and tried to just breathe.

 

Dan slipped his hand into Phil’s and leaned in close to his ear to whisper, “I swear, I will ask you properly. Soon.”

 

He squeezed Phil’s hand before speaking again.

 

“I’d like you all to meet Philip Michael Lester, future duke of Cambridge, and my fiancé.”

 

The crowd erupted in conversation and cheers and camera flashes. There were shouts of protest as well but Dan and Phil couldn’t hear them. They’d already rushed inside and down the maze of corridors to Dan’s room.

 

They had so much to talk about, so much to plan for but there would be time for that later. Back in Dan’s room, the fire roaring, Dan’s head resting on his chest, Phil let go of any residual fear lurking in the corners of his mind. He knew moments like this were fleeting and not to be taken for granted and he wasn’t about to waste one more second of his life with Dan.

 

“I can’t wait for you to meet my mum.” Phil said, his fingers memorizing curls that would surely be straightened as soon as Dan was fully recovered. “You were always her favorite when watched at Christmas.”

 

Dan smiled, just barely, a sleepy thing pushing through the fog of drifting off to much need rest.

 

“Dan.” Phil said, “Open your eyes. Just for a second.”

 

Dan struggled to lift his heavy eyelids and one side of his mouth quirked up enough to show off a dimple. “Love you.” He said, gravelly and fading.

 

“I love you too.” Phil said as Dan’s eyes shut again. He was only sleeping. He’d wake in the morning, right here in Phil’s arms and every day until they were old and grey and sick of eachother but still so in love. “Goodnight Dan.”

  


End.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come say hi on tumblr [@allthephils](http://allthephils.tumblr.com/)
> 
> If you enjoyed this fic, reblogs are much appreciated. You can do that [here](http://allthephils.tumblr.com/post/172921974745/repose-master-list-phils-spent-5-years-trying-to)

**Author's Note:**

> Come say hi on tumblr [@allthephils](http://allthephils.tumblr.com/)
> 
> If you enjoyed this fic, reblogs are much appreciated. You can do that [here](http://allthephils.tumblr.com/post/172921974745/repose-master-list-phils-spent-5-years-trying-to)


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